Val_Mc's Journal

Have you ever been on the right track,feeling really positive and on top of the world...then have the legs yanked right out from under you??

  I have flt really good,despite the fact that I was in a car accident in 2002 that left me with a permanent crick in my neck,damage to my vertabrae in three places and damage to both knees.I have had to get cortisone shots,taken nsaids daily for a long time,despite the amount of damage that they caused other organs,and also had a hernia that was so bad that they couldn't fix it,they simply stitched a patch over it,in 2004...that is now completely torn back out.

   Despite all of that,my health seemed to get better n better.I was walking better,able to even walk to a health club that my insurance company suggested that I join.I went through the workout on each other the dozen or so hydrolic machines and felt great after only having slight problems with a few. I was raring to go...excited at the prospect of doing even more for my health and getting into shape.

   Last night I woke up with a sharp scraping pain in my lower left side and realized that my hernia was not only infiltrated,but that the edges of the screen were jagging me.I am scared and in pain.I currently have no transportation to our local hospital and am not even sure that they could do much.

   I now am afraid of every movement and discouraged about my ability to do all of the exercises that I was looking forward to.This is not an excuse NOT to get into shape,I was really looking forward to doing this ands am now very very depressed.I have diabetes and saw this as an opportunity to increase my health,become social and do something great for myself.My own body is betraying me.

     I'm afraid to move,strain,anything because it hurts so.There's more to this too.My dad,in 1999,was experiencing abdominal pain.I finally said"No excuses,you're going..."He had a heria that twisted his bowel.They operated,and it was a success...then he died suddenly two days later,alone in his hospital room.

   I went to a specialist who told me that without my losing weight,it was hopeless to try and repatch my hernia.It's been a catch 22...I eat sensibly but can't exercise to lose weight.I can't lose weight WITHOUT the exercise.I just don't know what to do at this point.I want to be able to do things...but when I first had this hernia patched,the doctor told me that I could never lift anything more than 20 lbs...I think I did this to myself! I'm scared and upset at the moment...emotions I try not to give into often,but I can't see a clear solution.