Well. I had an interesting day …
Well. I had an interesting day to say the least. But I was able to get a massage by my friend (who is a massage …
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It's not often that I get feeling this bad, but I'm feeling awful tonight! All night I've had muscle twitches all over my body, then on the drive home from my class tonight, I had a huge spasm in my hip. That used to happen all the time a while back (it mainly only happens when I'm really stressed for a long time, then the spasms are really, really bad). But it's coming back, so I need to figure out how to ease up on my schedule and other things to lower the stress level! I've never experienced anything so bad before. My hip seems to just seize up and freeze, and it takes my breath away it's so strong. Not necessarily painful, but it jerks from my hip all the way down to my leg and sometimes spazzes for almost a minute (which feels like forever!). After a night of this, my hip is so weak the next day, I can't even walk. It's miserable.
So the stressful things right now - my job, which I am pretty sure I'm about to leave. I work right now in a middle school as an interventionist with really challenging kids with special needs. Though right now I'm in the interview process right now at another agency with a much better position, and everything sounds like I'll get the job, but I'll know for sure in about a week or so. Also, grad. school has started back up, and the classes this semester are laaaate. Mondays are 8-9:30pm (yes, pm!), Tuesdays are 7:30-10pm, and Thursdays are 5-10pm. On top of working 8-4 in a pretty stressful environment. On top of that, my ex-boyfriend is in those classes, and he took our breakup so hard he had a sort of psychotic episode. That was pretty intense. This is the first time I've seen him since that whole thing, which was only 3 months ago, so I've been pretty anxious about that. The last few days have been less anxiety provoking for me, but it's still really uncomfortable.
Anyway, I can't even sit here to type anymore, everything just hurts so bad! It almost feels like it would feel better if my hip would just break. :-( And my shoulder. That isn't spazzing, but the pain is so awful around the entire shoulder and blade. Argh!
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In some respects, I am not surprised you are having such a rough time now. Whenever I push myself too hard, I end up feeling it in my body and that seems to be what has happened to you. From your descriptions, your job sounds like it would be close to impossible for a "normal" person without fibro, but I cannot imagine how you have stuck it out this long and with the fatigue it must cause, to then have to make it through classes at night.... I am impressed you have stuck with it but worried it is way too much. Would this new job have any ability to give you fewer hours or some type of flex schedule? You cannot keep pushing 15 hours a day non-stop!!! SO sorry to hear about the x-boyfriend issues too.... just what you need right now!!! Ok, with all that said, I also believe that when we set our minds to things, we can do almost anything and I know how much you want to finish this degree and move on with your career. So, I know without a doubt you will do it.... but you cannot sacrifice you in the process, so I am so so glad you are looking into other options to help you move through this difficult period. Keep taking care of you!! You are the only you, you've got! I am rooting for you 150%! Let me know if there is any way I can help support you!
Hang in there,Gentle hugs,
Sarah
sjfrog