rupreckt3551's Journal

I'm feeling better today, but the dizziness persists.  It's low-grade and manageable...not throwing up.  It's just disconcerting and in some way messing with my perception of reality with the occasional vertigo holiday.  One of the nurses suggested that it could be BPPV or a problem with my ear crystals.  Makes sense.  I'm not ~ill~, but I am dizzy and that brings on the nausea.  My diet's fine, exercise level's fine...just dizzy.  And it's nothing like it was the first day.

I went to my Zen-Buddhist service last night.  Another really positive experience.  During meditation, I experienced myself thinking about just stuff.  And I mostly managed to let it go by as so much scenery.  Initially, this is not a very deep thought, but considering that my brain is a sensory organ like my eyes, nose, and skin, this was a big thought because if I'm experiencing myself thinking who exactly is experiencing that?  Where am I in that experience?  Where does my soul sit if not in the brain?  Is there no 'I' and only God?  Is asking such a dualistic question missing the point?  Ah-so, Grasshopper.

So I thought some more this morning and considered that when Buddhists talk about "Big Soul" this is perhaps the collective or interconnectedness of life that they speak of.  I'm not sure.  I may ask a monk.  It was a spiritual experience for sure.  The thing I like about Zen is that it holds direct spiritual experience above all else, but at the same time it asks you not to expect (or not not expect) anything from practicing Zen.  So, one day I may have no big thoughts and that could be considered just as spiritual as a day when I do have a big thunker.

Anyhoo...starting to sound New Age-y which I detest...just thought I'd share.