Discussion Topic
Update on Susan
Posted on 05/15/08, 05:21 pm
For those who have asked, I wanted to let you know that I talked to Susan today, and the reason I've not been able to reach her is that she dropped her phone and broke it.
She called me today, and when I saw her name on the caller ID it kind of scared me - I was afraid it might be someone else using her phone to contact her friends with bad news. I was very relieved to actually hear her voice when I answered.
Her doctor has told her that she has now outlived what he expected, so she's very much living on borrowed time now. She won't complain about how she's feeling because she's just grateful to be above ground. When she called me she was sitting at the hospital getting transfused with several units of blood to "pump her up" for this weekend, when she's going to visit her in-laws in New Jersey for the last time. Her husband died about 10 years ago, but she's stayed close with his family, and wants a chance to say goodbye.
It was VERY hard for me to say, but I asked her if she has made a list of people who need to be notified when...well you know. She said she has not, and she wasn't particularly thrilled with the suggestion. She wasn't upset - just didn't want to think that hard about it right now. I all but begged her to consider making a short list of people who can then be used to contact others - so her SO or children only have a few people to call, and then they can call those in their network who know Susan.
We're going to try again to get together when she's back - I'll be talking to her Monday or Tuesday. I'm in a hurry now, because she said she's "breaking out" in bruises all over her body, and that's a bad sign. She also said the doctor said that when she goes, she'll go quickly. It won't be like "OK I'm not feeling good so I have a few more days or weeks." It's going to be more like a sudden collapse and dying in the ambulance or the ER.
Needless to say, I'm feeling weepy and emotionally "flat" right now. I think the "flat" aspect is me trying to control my emotions. I've found that you can't just shut down emotions selectively - if you shut them down, you shut them ALL down. That's not really what I want, but there is no good to be served in falling apart. I'll have plenty of time to grieve when she's gone.
OK that's all I can manage without breaking down right now so I'm going to stop - need to go out and run some errands and hopefully that will occupy my mind for a bit.
Thank you all for your support - it means the world to me.
She called me today, and when I saw her name on the caller ID it kind of scared me - I was afraid it might be someone else using her phone to contact her friends with bad news. I was very relieved to actually hear her voice when I answered.
Her doctor has told her that she has now outlived what he expected, so she's very much living on borrowed time now. She won't complain about how she's feeling because she's just grateful to be above ground. When she called me she was sitting at the hospital getting transfused with several units of blood to "pump her up" for this weekend, when she's going to visit her in-laws in New Jersey for the last time. Her husband died about 10 years ago, but she's stayed close with his family, and wants a chance to say goodbye.
It was VERY hard for me to say, but I asked her if she has made a list of people who need to be notified when...well you know. She said she has not, and she wasn't particularly thrilled with the suggestion. She wasn't upset - just didn't want to think that hard about it right now. I all but begged her to consider making a short list of people who can then be used to contact others - so her SO or children only have a few people to call, and then they can call those in their network who know Susan.
We're going to try again to get together when she's back - I'll be talking to her Monday or Tuesday. I'm in a hurry now, because she said she's "breaking out" in bruises all over her body, and that's a bad sign. She also said the doctor said that when she goes, she'll go quickly. It won't be like "OK I'm not feeling good so I have a few more days or weeks." It's going to be more like a sudden collapse and dying in the ambulance or the ER.
Needless to say, I'm feeling weepy and emotionally "flat" right now. I think the "flat" aspect is me trying to control my emotions. I've found that you can't just shut down emotions selectively - if you shut them down, you shut them ALL down. That's not really what I want, but there is no good to be served in falling apart. I'll have plenty of time to grieve when she's gone.
OK that's all I can manage without breaking down right now so I'm going to stop - need to go out and run some errands and hopefully that will occupy my mind for a bit.
Thank you all for your support - it means the world to me.
-
Reply #1 05/15/08 5:33pm
I am so sorry. I don't know Susan yet and of course I don't know you. But you all are in my prayers. Just remember, if she knows the Lord, when she passes, He has healed all her hurts, worries and pains. At some point in time, I would like to know if she had fibro and how this played a part in her illness. I will pray for all of her friends and family and esp you as you seem very close to her and her situation. Don't worry about tomorrow, because God is already there. With love Valerie -
Reply #2 05/15/08 7:59pm
Hi Valerie, thanks for the kind words. Susan isn't on DS - she's my oldest friend in Richmond - my first friend when I moved here, and she's dying from leukemia. I posted a long weepy post the day I found out she was dying, and many of my friends here have been supporting me through this time, as I wait for the inevitable and try to be the best friend I can be while she's still here.
I appreciate your sentiments, and I hope you won't be offended when I tell you I'm not Christian. I am never offended by offers of prayers or good thoughts - those things are common to all faiths. I don't think Susan is particularly religious (since it's not come up in the conversation in 25+ years) but she does believe in God. She's a long-term Al-Anon member, which is where I met her, and definitely relies on her "higher power."
She has four grown children, and several grandchildren, and I'm sure would appreciate all the prayers anyone can give, regardless of particular religion - it's all good.
I'm trying to stay in the moment and enjoy the time we have left without shadowing the time with grief and tears. I will, as I've said before, have plenty of time for grief when she's gone. While she's still here I'll be grateful for every day and every conversation. She always closes now with "I love you," something we never said to each other before she got sick, because it was just understood.
My husband has been going with me to see her, so he's gotten to know her a bit, which means a lot to me, because I can share my feelings with him and get the support I need to keep me positive and strong.
Again, thank you for the kind words. I look forward to getting to know you better, and I'm very happy that you've joined not only DS, but our Virginia group!
Blessings,
Sue -
Reply #3 05/17/08 11:55pm
Hi Sue, your friend is lucky to have someone close to her and loves her. As you are also in return for her..
A close friend is one of the best gifts to have. cherish the moments.
Your in my thoughts for strength in this time of need my friend
Cindy
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