I need to decompress, forgive my rambling....

Every time I get even remotely stressed out about anything on earth, my subliminal brain function switches straight to the 'kid crisis' as it's come to be known in this house.

Yesterday I posted about being surrounded by pregnant people, and ya know, I'm not sure it's that that's bugging me so much latelyt. I'm happy for all the people. I don't feel that it's ''unfair'' or anything...is that because I haven't lost all my hope yet?

Is SOMETHING working inside me with all this medication?
I must say....there's alot more going on physically that's starting to make me think maybe there's somethin up.
For the 2 yrs+ that I've been on prometrium, I know and can control when I have a period. By docs' orders, we waited 6 weeks between taking it, to see if my cycle would show any signs of starting itself. As time has passed, the more we go beyond 6 weeks, whether it be the pharmacy out of it for a few days, doc on vacation for a week, or trying something new, the physical symptoms got more and more uncomfortable.
I'd get mildly nauseous and lose my appetite, have weird sporadic cramping that switched sides and locations, and now the most disconcerting of all...by left breast. sometimes the right, mostly the left, but a few times a day it's way more noticeable than others--it feels sore, strained, like something is trying to hatch from within the thing/ a stinging twinge that seems to go straight from chest base straight out through the nipple. Doc didn't seem real concerned. could that be the metformin starting to regulate something and some hormone all of a sudden being produced to cause this?

I made an appointment for the end of June with a reproductive endocrinologist. Right now, I'm feelin like 'why bother', what can he do for me that we can realistically afford (as in NOT ivf or anything else insurance won't touch) , is he just gonna tell me to forget about it? and for that matter, what will it be like to have a male peekin at the nether-regions? My main docs have ALWAYS been women. eek!

So here I sit at 4AM, on the couch in the dark while my husband, 10 yr old stepson and dog are snoring away, after another dream about finally seeing a positive stick....not believing it, and doing one after the other....surrounded by a heap of positive sticks( to balance out the now 39 I've taken that came back negative, having to take one every month before prometrium, and doc has asked me to take some extras in between for whatever reason)

am i losin it? i don't often see posts like this one. feel free to tell me to tell me i'm being ridiculous.