sphd77

Counfused

Posted on 05/11/08, 11:29 pm

My wife just reacentl 2-3 months a go told me about all her physical and sexual abuse after eight years of marrige. Been haveing some problems of why she did this. Was it to protect me or to protect her. Some times I wonder if she has other fellins for some of the guys cause she loved him enogh to be engaged to him. I am confued and need som answers. sorry gordie I,m a hard guy to get ahold of. If any one can help please do.

• Reply #1 05/12/08  4:50am
  
  geordie1
  Hi sphd77
  
  We had been married 20 years nearly before my wife started to recall her abuse.
  At the time she started to remember,she had lost weight and was feeling really good about herself.
  I have several friends on ds that have said that they started to remember their abuse when they were feeling confident with their lives.
  It seems as though the brain takes a long hard look,then says that it is time to try deal with deep hidden memories.
  
  I would say that your wife had hidden the abuse from herself,not to keep it from you.
  
  Is her ex her abuser?You have not made it clear so cannot offer opinion.
  
  I hope this helps a little,to give you some insight as to you not being alone.
  
  
  
• Reply #2 05/12/08  7:20am
  
  sphd77
  2ex were Physicaly abbusive and took sex from her it was willing but only cause she thought she would get beat if she didnt. Her dad as physical abuse. And at the age of 12 had sex with a 26 year old man that took her 6years to relize she was malested.
• Reply #3 05/12/08  7:20am
  
  sphd77
  But geordie it goes deeper then that i will shed some more light on it tonight.
• Reply #4 05/19/08  9:53am
  
  InvertedBeauty
  I did not tell my boyfriend for six months. Even then it was little bits and pieces over a few months. I finally told him everything about a month ago.
  
  I buried everything that happened to me and made myself believe that it wasn't what it really was. Your wife may be going through the same thing.
  
  What you need to do is to be completely supportive, believe everything hse is saying, and offer her whatever she needs (i.e. a hug, cuddling, talking, or time forherself)
  
  As geordie said there's more to this that you haven't explained, I believe, so it's hard for me to offer my opinion.
  
  I will tell you, however, that I was the girlfriend of the person that did it to me. I was unable to leave for fear of both my life and his. Though I know I shouldn't have feared for his life when he was doing such horrible things to me, I did.
  
  And what happened to your wife was not willing if she feared for her life and was sa. If she did it only out of fear and not because she didn't really want to, that is not right! She needs to know that and not say it was ok she was just afraid. That is denial and is exactly what I used to do.

Supporters of victims of sexual abuse need to know that they are not alone. There are others who can answer your questions,as they have been through the same type of situations.