I used to blame myself...but am much better with that now! It is obvious that you were just "trusting" and had NO idea what was about to happen! I wonder if your friend had been SA well before her exploits, you talk of here... Alot of times young people will become promiscuous, after having been SA as a child... I sorta did, but i was a bit more careful. I just contended that sex was love... so that may have been her issue.
I also barely made it out of a situation w/the date-rape drugs as well... fortunately for me, I had a friend an her fire-fighter boyfriend, who realized something was not right w/me, and this guy who was trying to get me to go with him... So sorry it did not go that way for you!
But it was DEF> NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
Discussion Topic
The Blame Game
Posted on 05/06/08, 07:17 am
Did you blame yourself? I blamed myself cause I went with this girl who I thought was a friend. If only I hadnt went with her. She was wild at the age of 13 already having sex with guys freely. Me only 15 wanting to wait til I got married. I got into the car with her and two guys. Next I drank a beer which i believe had a date rape drug or something in it. Weve all heard bad influences she was. I dont know why I went,curious, something new?
Anyway make a long story short. Next I know Im inside a trailer and walking to the end bedroom. Next on the bed, next saying no while the guy rapes me.
How I got home I do not know. I remember telling my so call friend that i got rapped she just laughed. I blamed myself for a long time. It was not my fault the guy rapped me. He was the criminal and I was the victim. I do know had I not went with her it wouldve been avoided. Because it happened it was not my fault Just wondering did anyone else blame themselves?
sorry this post is so long
Anyway make a long story short. Next I know Im inside a trailer and walking to the end bedroom. Next on the bed, next saying no while the guy rapes me.
How I got home I do not know. I remember telling my so call friend that i got rapped she just laughed. I blamed myself for a long time. It was not my fault the guy rapped me. He was the criminal and I was the victim. I do know had I not went with her it wouldve been avoided. Because it happened it was not my fault Just wondering did anyone else blame themselves?
sorry this post is so long
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Reply #1 05/07/08 8:48pm
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Reply #2 05/08/08 6:08am
I became promiscuous.I thought sex was love too. I didnt know how to have a normal relationship with a guy without having sex involved. I dont know if she had been a sa as a child. If that was the case then i can see how she too became promicuous. Ive heard many after SA become promiscuous do you know why? I heard it was called victims syndrome or something? Im glad you had someone there to keep you from going with that guy:) -
Reply #3 05/08/08 4:38pm
I still blame myself. I just started dealing with everything and think it's my fault. It's NOT, but I feel like it is.
It was NOT YOUR FAULT.
Not everyone becomes promiscuous after SA. Some do, some don't. Personally, I'm scared of sex, which will be an issue in a few years since I'm engaged. I've been reading a book called "Ghosts in the bedroom" and while the title says it's about incest, there are things in it that pertain to any form of SA. Here's an exerpt about promiscuity:
"For some survivors this is turning the table on the perpatrator. They were used in the sexual abuse experience; now they are getting back by using others.... Promiscuity can also be seen as a way of acting out the repetition compulsion. survivors may act out because this is the only way they were able to recieve attention. Promiscuity, may be seen as nurturing touch if it is the only kind of touch the survivor knows."
Of course not one book can have all the answers. If you see a counselor or therapist you may be able to ask them.
Hope this helped. Take care. -
Reply #4 05/27/08 6:19am
i still blame myself if only i didnt keep going back time and again he wouldnt have kept doing it but he was a family member i was expected to visit.why did i andure 13 yrs of it,why after 31 yrs of it stopping am i still blaming myself,deep down i know its not my fault but what surfaces is always blaming me .
i was the child him the adult but to me it is my fault i should have said NO. two little letters one little word but so hard to say. -
Reply #5 05/27/08 9:17pm
yes I have blamed myself for years and even though I know it is not my fault I still do from time to time say what if? I think it is one of the hardest things to accept is that you did nothing wrong. -
Reply #6 06/12/08 9:50pm
Since i had my children...I have almost went the opposite direction..but I also think that has to do with "not" trusting my hub! He may or may have not been with other women...so IDK...I just get so sick of that kinda thing! I think we fall into these kinda men/women due to our pasts and the SA...it is comfortable to be abused somehow, without even knowing it... We have had counsel (some) and I'm just trying to fig out what I want now! I know it's not to be with a "cheater"...if in fact he did do this...a lot of the signs were there! I just didn't have proof...sometimes I feel like I may be over sensitive at times too...but I can't live the rest of my life like this either right?
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