pookeaduke

My best friends fight...

Posted on 05/21/08, 03:29 pm

Wow, I didn't know this site was going to be so wonderful... I need help! I'm a 22 year old college student who is working my butt off to loose 40 more lbs. (ive already lost over 60) but my Best friend is an almost 20 year old guy who is almost 20 lbs underweight. He won't eat... I just don't know what to do. He'll eat one meal a day when he's with his parents or me, but will also go all day eating nothing but a spoonful of salsa or half a banana. He openly admits to me that he knows he has a problem but it just seems like we both have so many right now that this one is taking a back seat and it needs to stop! And I guess I'm having issues with knowing if he has a problem. Some days he'll over eat like crazy and although he was purging at one time, I'm all most totally sure he's stopped that, so I think he's holding down the food when he over eats, but getting him to be ok with eating at all is hard. Its so hard to because I'm on a diet, so I try not to eat to much, and we spend so much time together so getting him to eat when I cant is HARD! I'm just so confused. Does he have an ED like i think he does? What do I need to do?

• Reply #1 05/22/08  10:54am
  
  ldyjane
  Sounds like he is restricting, and I'd say he has ED. If he has purged before, he maybe purging without you knowing. Ed is very sneaky. He could also be overeating, then not eating for days, to make up for it. That is alot of pressure for you, know that you can not make him okay with eating. You need to keep track on your goals, and just let him know you are there for him.. And when he is ready to talk about it, you will be there for him.. It is hard to sit back and watch, express your feelings, and when he is ready, hopefully he'll be ready to get help, and to talk more.. Good luck, may blessings find you. Here if you need to talk.
• Reply #2 05/22/08  1:51pm
  
  pookeaduke
  I know your right. I wish there was a more straight foward way to kick his butt in gear, but I can see that won't help. He's such a great person and I love him so much but it breaks my heart that he doesn't think hes good enough, or thinks he's not attractive when he eats that day. He tells me things like "We are going out tonight and we are gonna have a good night, so no eating to look our best!" and once... this breaks my heart... once we got drunk together and I lost him at the party. It was in my apartment, and I think it was just a day or so after meeting him, but I went to check the bathroom to see if he was sick and he was there, holing his stomach in his hands bawling his eyes out, trying to purge. He's 20 lbs underweight now, but at that time, he had some meat on his bones, but he was far far from fat. He's lost 30 lbs since alcohol rehab (ip) and I wonder if he lost weight because he stopped drinking or because he wouldnt eat in treatment. I know this has been going on for most of his life, but it's starting to seriously scare me. When you care about someone so much, I guess you just want easy answers... and I know thoes just don't exist here. Thanks for listening to my venting...
• Reply #3 07/31/08  11:41pm
  
  ironicgirl
  You can't stop someone who won't get it, but telling him you care about him, and want the best for him. Tell him that you don't want him to get set up in a trap he won't be able to get himself out of. He might resist but at least he'll know you care. Tell him you'll be there for him whenever he needs to talk. I wish you the best, and I'm just telling you what I'd want said to me. I'm bulimic, been for seven years, its easy to get lured into this, hard to get out.

So, I thought of this group, because many folks on the ED group are concerned for loved ones of girls and boys who suffer from EDs. This group is a non-judging place to get encouragement and help from others who have an ED'd loved one. Ask for advice on how to deal with your loved one as he/she goes through their eating disorder, get encouragement, and learn from each others' experiences.