nadareal3

Full Circle, Sad Story

Posted on 05/21/08, 10:44 pm

I'm listening to Procol Harem's album (on CD) titled "Grand Hotel." I just got it in the mail the other day. I should have known better than to send away for it. It brings back so many memories, some of them not real pleasant. I listened to this album on cassette alot in the late 70's, when my world first crashed totally. Prior to that crash, I was homeless, and working on a suicide crisis hotline as a volunteer on graveyard shift for about 30 hours a week. I slept at the hotline Monday through Friday, was kept awake most nights by crisis calls coming in. I owned a van, and used it to collect "throw aways" on trash days. I then sold the "collections" on the weekends at a local swapmeet. That gave me a place to sleep Friday and Saturday night, as we all lined up in the parking lot at night, waiting to be admitted to the swapmeet in the morning. It also afforded a meager living. That was supplimented by temp agency jobs. After about 4 or 5 months of that lifestyle, I found myself severely depressed and suicidal. I ended up in a psych ward for about 3 weeks, and was given the boot from there, having been declaired "too functional" to be allowed to stay. The day I was released from that hospital I had no job, less than $10.00 in my pocket., no place to live. And my van was out of gas. I'll skip the events that ensued until the present. Suffice to say, I somehow "mostly recovered" from depression and suicide ideation over the years. Yes, I did have counseling, some of it helped, some didn't. Where I am today........I feel utterly hopeless again. That's where I am today.

• Reply #1 05/22/08  12:04pm
  
  LongIslandKat
  So sorry to hear this. But you didn't have DS back then.
  
  kathy
• Reply #2 05/22/08  2:51pm
  
  reenee
  I think your a survivor and may have Viking DNA. You will make another comeback from way deep inside.
  
  Ree
• Reply #3 05/22/08  11:25pm
  
  nadareal3
  Kathy, you're right. People on DS are a great support and strength to me. Thanks. :O) Ree; appreciate the kudos.:O)
• Reply #4 05/23/08  3:24am
  
  jannis
  what a powerful story nada
  i am glad you are here with us on DS.you have survived many a deep hardship within your life.your life matters and has meaning,it is just that sometimes the depression and hopelessness blinds us to what really matters (ourselves) just as we are.(just my opinion).the world and system is harsh on her people.makes demands that no one in time can keep up with.everthing must be done yesterday.people either keep up or get out.it is a harsh life.but the gift of friendship and fellowship with others helps us i hope and think re-connect with each other and our spirit.your spirit is still beautiful nada ...keep on keeping on my friend......=]
• Reply #5 05/25/08  7:36am
  
  jazzergirl
  Nad, thanks for sharing. What a sad story....you my friend are a survivor.
  I am so happy that we are friends. You are very wise, kind & thoughtful.
• Reply #6 05/27/08  1:52am
  
  nadareal3
  Thanks everyone for such kind and loving support. Words alone can't express how much that means to me.

This group is formed with the idea that we collectively have a place to tell our stories. Gosh, don't each of us have so many stories to tell!!! Some happy, some sad, some ironic, some defying classification. Bring back the memories of youth, memories of growing up, memories of life changing events. The only thing I ask is to please keep it mutually respectful, and non-argumentative.