Maybe I shouldn't complain, overall I know I have been pretty blessed in my life. But I feel so lonely and heartbroken everyday, and I am married!! I come from a family full of long term happily married couples. My parents are one anothers perfect match. My grandparents have been married for 67 years! Divorce was NEVER an option in my mind, but now it seems to be all I think & worry about. It seems I've recently gained SO much insight into myself & what I want & need to be happy & feel fulfilled in life...a little too late. My husband is the only "intimate" relationship I have ever had. I have been with him for the most part since I was 18 years old. In my young & naive mind, I made myself believe at such a young age that he was the only guy for me. Through all the years & breakups & hurtful things he has put me through, I always came back for more, each time beliving it was going to be different somehow. It seems so stupid, huh?? I am the girl I always thought was so dumb, that just didn't get it. So, I married him two years ago, & now we have a wonderful 8 month old son. I love my son to pieces, but he is my only happiness. I feel so alone & unhappy in my marriage. I have finally come to realize that my husband is simply who he is, and like everyone always tried to tell me, so wrong for me. The worst part is, that I still love him & somehow I know I always will. And now my son is in this mix, and all I want for him is to have a happy childhood like I had, with both of his parents. But I know that I will never be truly happy if I stay with my husband...but then I wonder if I'll ever be truly happy without him?? It's all I think about lately, I am lost. I actually have nightmares of divorcing & him getting full custody & they are horrifyingly real. I wake up & feel miserable, bc the relief of it just being a dream never comes, bc I feel as if divorce is really in my future. I hate that word, I hate that thought, but I hate my marriage, even though I love my husband. Screwed up, huh??