Discussion Topic
Eyes are opening
Posted on 09/30/08, 04:11 pm
Hi! I want to introduce myself. I'm Sylvia. I have been married for 21 yrs. and have spent the last 7 yrs in and out of affairs. I have a 16 yr old son with his own emotional issues. I was raised in a good strict but alcoholic home. I always had what I needed but I think something went wrong emotionally. My husband and were devoted to and worked with the youth in the church for a long period of time. I work long hours in a hospital, usually 3 days a week. I discovered that I may have a problem because the many changes I've expereinced. I have withdrawn from everyone. My family has been expressing major concern and they think that I may have a computer addiction. My world revolves around my relationships to others, these relationships give me security and diminish my fears of abandonment and lonliness. I am very depressed now. Im not sure if I can overcome this. Its a miserable cycle that keeps repeating itself. I spend hours on the computer. I cannot go anywhere without my computer. I communicate with my friends at work and it has caused me mistakes. I'm not sure where I am headed now but something needs to change. I need to be here so I can try and figure this out. Sylvia
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Reply #1 10/01/08 1:31pm
I agree it would be a good idea to start examining what you did not get in your childhood. Can you get therapy? -
Reply #2 10/01/08 3:21pm
WELCOME SYLVIA. I think you are in the right place to find some answers. We have all been in your shoes at one time or another and can give you the benefit of our own experience. Expecting to get your fulfullment from others will bring disappointment eventually. You must look within to your inner spirit. Keep praying to God - he really does hear you. -
Reply #3 10/01/08 4:59pm
I was really getting worried that my bad behavior had offended some,and that maybe I'm at the wrong place. Thanks soooo much for the replies NoOne and Kristeen. In the early part of my marriage I spend several yrs. in therapy talking about my panic attacks and my childhood. I could possibly do therapy now, but I'm considering an online 12 step program. The sad thing is that as ashamed of myself as I feel there is a part of me that doesn't want to let go of my selfish desires.
As a child I suffered mental abuse and looking back I felt insecure not knowing what the next day or hour might hold. I have always strived on going forward and not letting childhood things in the past affect who I am today. I'm sure my past plays a part in who I am today but hate to use it as an excuse for all the wrong I have done. I need to learn to find happiness in myself, it has to be possible. -
Reply #4 10/01/08 8:44pm
Therapy can be great depending on the type. I am seeing a therapist whose approach is cognitive/behavioral. We talk about here and now and moving forward. Yes, it is important to recognize how your past has played a role in who you are...but all of that can change with you. Focus and be around positive people and do positive things....it takes discipline..but you have support. Be kind to yourself. -
Reply #5 10/03/08 11:26am
No, no judgment here Sylvia. Sometimes it just takes a while before anyone replies! I agree childhood is not an excuse, just an explanation. It sounds as if you have done therapy. The 12 steps are life savers and I totally agree with that idea.
Addiction is about pain relief. We want to get out of the pain that is inside us, so we go from one addiction, obsession, compulsion to the other. Sex, computers, food, booze, you name it. On and on it goes until we stop and drop. The 12 steps are more helpful in addiction than therapy, in my experience. Pick the addiction that was strongest for you - your drug of choice - then go to that group. Consider also going to in person meetings. -
Reply #6 10/03/08 9:25pm
shame is just our ego---our lower self trying to hold us back. 12 step programs changed my life.
your mentioned growing up in an alcoholic home--adult children of alcoholics or al anon might offer some relief.
when we meet others like ourselves and can be open about ourselves then shame starts to evaporate.
welcome to DS! -
Reply #7 10/10/08 12:54pm
Welcome to DS! I think it is possible to find happiness within ourselves... but it sure is hard!
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