hope39

Fear that I am losing myself in addiction to person

Posted on 09/30/08, 02:01 pm

I am angry at myself but scared, too, at the way I am behaving.I am continuing to see my long-term ex-boyfriend when he is available and accepting whatever crumbs I can get. It is pathetic but then on some level, I am making it worse by seeing a second man who is basically unavailable due to alcoholism and other issues. I am being incredibly self-destructiveby seeing two men who care on some level but have stated that they cannot give me "what I want" (meaning a full-time relationship)and yet cannot seem to stop seeing either person. I am too old to be acting this way. I am in my late 30's and in my "earlier" yrs, I always prided myself on being in commited relationships in which the man I was with was committed to me. I don't know why my self-esteem has sunk this low.

I know that I've been struggling with depression and anxiety, which preceded this situation, so I think I am somehow reaching out to bolster my failing self-esteem by doing this. However, it is a lose-lose situation on both fronts. If anyone can relate on any level, please write. I have been calling in to SLA phone meetings for the past several weeks after finding out that they exist but I am not yet carrying out any plan of recovery. I really do want to work on recovery and towards peace. p

• Reply #1 09/30/08  9:34pm
  
  AgentSmith
  I am also addicted to an emotionally unavailable man. I understand your situation. I only have one, don't think I could handle two! :) If you want to read about my situation, I have tons of journals about him. It is very difficult. I thought I was doing better (he was gone for a month so I had no choice but not to see him) and now that he's back I had a major relapse. I don't know if you've started doing any reading yet, but I recommend Facing Love Addiction. I gave this to my guy to read (he probably hasn't opened it yet). I also ordered him The Emotionally Unavailable Man (but got screwed from someone on amazon and it never came). I plan on giving that to him. He admits to having this issue on some level. So I'm hoping he'll take that initial step to work on his issues as I am mine. Good luck!
• Reply #2 10/01/08  1:34pm
  
  NoOneLeft
  
  Can you go to SLAA meetings in person? Being around other people in person really helps with the need to, well, be around other people. If none, are there any open AA meetings? Anyone can go to an open meeting and listen, an addiction is an addiction, and they know all about it.
  
  You might also want to get screened for depression and anxiety. It could be medical, but whether or not, therapy is always a good idea.
• Reply #3 10/01/08  3:23pm
  
  Kristeen
  At least you are acknowledging the problem. That is the first step. In order to get rid of bad habits/relationships, it is important to replace it with something positive. And it is up to you to figure out what that would be.
• Reply #4 10/02/08  5:51am
  
  hope39
  Yes, going to in person meetings would be helpful. I definitely need the support of people. I have this desire to go to an all women's meeting because I have some image of being the only or one of the only women at an SLAA meeting; for some reason it scares me and I am concerned about whether I'll feel comfortable sharing. A women's AA meeting might be the answer or general open AA meetings.
  Maybe the coed meeting issue is an excuse I'm finding to keep myself in the disease, though. I know the anxiety feels real and I do suffer from anxiety and some depression,too. However, I need to look at what I am willing to do to get better.
  Thanks!

This forum will help all who wish to recover and gain some tools to be able to cope and deal with the issues stemming from our emotional problems that are hurting our relationships on a day to day basis...The relationship with ourselves as well as others...The solution is here for the taking..