Discussion Topic
Love is the most painful thing
Posted on 08/10/08, 05:39 pm
Story, of a love addict,
because, it has hurt me soooo much i wonder if it is worth it. Alot of my depression is derived from love, ill tell you my story. There was a girl called kolleen, I liked her alot, but we were friends. anyways, fianlly i maneged to pluck up the courage to ask her out, she said yes, and we went out. being with her was amazing. I just felt so alive, invincible, and happy. every morning i would wake up, and be happy to be alive.
but then, it all came crashing down on me, when she broke up with me. I took it well,at first but she had lied to me...She told me she broke up with me because her parents didn't want her seeing anybody. but i later discovered that she had broken up with me to be with a boy called connor. but thats not all. she later reavealed to me, she never was attracted to me, and she only went out with me to get connor. I was for the first time in my life, HEARTBROKEN, as in the literal term. I lost almost every ounce of confidence i had, and haven't ever asked a girl out in person since.
then there was danielle when i kissed her, i felt like i was flying, in pure euphoria. she totally lifted me form all my depression, and sent me sky high in happiness. we had so much in commen, and i just felt like we had a connection, a bond. she was the first girl who ever said they loved me, and the first girl I told i loved her.
at 1:00 in the morning, she took my name out of her msn screen name. I asked why, and she told me she wants to end the relationship. a cold, feeling flowed through my stomache, and a burning lump in my throat started to emerge, i felt empty and alone once again. I couldent belive it. one second she was saying she loved me, and i was the only man she could ever want, and the next, shes breaking up with me. I used every ounce of strength to stop myself for crying all over my laptop.
the next day, she said she misses me, and wants me back. I ask her to meet up with me, call me, a few hours later, she says she dosen't, and I never spoke to her since.
Then there was Sorcha, she was differn't because unlike the others she was more, mature. she had sex, and stuff, whereas i haven't. we build a really strong relationship over about 3 months. the "L" word was being used alot too.
then, one day, we went out, and went to this dark room, the fire escape of the shopping centre to be speciic, she undressed to her bra, and i undressed to my boxers. we kissed...touched a bit...but we didn't have a condom. i dident wanna have sex without one, but she insisted we done it anyway. i refused, and went home. A couple of days later, i went on her Bebo profile, and to my shock she had found a new boyfriend called kyle. I can't belive somone would do that to their bf, just because i diden't want my first time to be a quickie up against the wall without a condom.
since sorcha, i have't gone out with anyone. but i feel so alone. i miss the feeling of a relationship, and this has lead me to severe depression. I just wish I could find somone. somone...to give me the feeling of love, the feeling of being with somone, and having somone to love...i just want it back so badly. but I can't approach woman anymore...
-Neo
because, it has hurt me soooo much i wonder if it is worth it. Alot of my depression is derived from love, ill tell you my story. There was a girl called kolleen, I liked her alot, but we were friends. anyways, fianlly i maneged to pluck up the courage to ask her out, she said yes, and we went out. being with her was amazing. I just felt so alive, invincible, and happy. every morning i would wake up, and be happy to be alive.
but then, it all came crashing down on me, when she broke up with me. I took it well,at first but she had lied to me...She told me she broke up with me because her parents didn't want her seeing anybody. but i later discovered that she had broken up with me to be with a boy called connor. but thats not all. she later reavealed to me, she never was attracted to me, and she only went out with me to get connor. I was for the first time in my life, HEARTBROKEN, as in the literal term. I lost almost every ounce of confidence i had, and haven't ever asked a girl out in person since.
then there was danielle when i kissed her, i felt like i was flying, in pure euphoria. she totally lifted me form all my depression, and sent me sky high in happiness. we had so much in commen, and i just felt like we had a connection, a bond. she was the first girl who ever said they loved me, and the first girl I told i loved her.
at 1:00 in the morning, she took my name out of her msn screen name. I asked why, and she told me she wants to end the relationship. a cold, feeling flowed through my stomache, and a burning lump in my throat started to emerge, i felt empty and alone once again. I couldent belive it. one second she was saying she loved me, and i was the only man she could ever want, and the next, shes breaking up with me. I used every ounce of strength to stop myself for crying all over my laptop.
the next day, she said she misses me, and wants me back. I ask her to meet up with me, call me, a few hours later, she says she dosen't, and I never spoke to her since.
Then there was Sorcha, she was differn't because unlike the others she was more, mature. she had sex, and stuff, whereas i haven't. we build a really strong relationship over about 3 months. the "L" word was being used alot too.
then, one day, we went out, and went to this dark room, the fire escape of the shopping centre to be speciic, she undressed to her bra, and i undressed to my boxers. we kissed...touched a bit...but we didn't have a condom. i dident wanna have sex without one, but she insisted we done it anyway. i refused, and went home. A couple of days later, i went on her Bebo profile, and to my shock she had found a new boyfriend called kyle. I can't belive somone would do that to their bf, just because i diden't want my first time to be a quickie up against the wall without a condom.
since sorcha, i have't gone out with anyone. but i feel so alone. i miss the feeling of a relationship, and this has lead me to severe depression. I just wish I could find somone. somone...to give me the feeling of love, the feeling of being with somone, and having somone to love...i just want it back so badly. but I can't approach woman anymore...
-Neo
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Reply #1 08/10/08 11:48pm
when you have had your heart broken like that i dont think anyone can blame you for not approaching women. you tried and tried and tried. im sorry it didnt work out. but i really wanna applaude you for not having un safe sex. that shows a man in you. shows some real maturity. =] unfortunatly not a lot of people are that mature anymore. neo you have had a hard time with the ladies but just reading your story gives me hope for good guys out there and im sure you will find a good girl too. you deserve one better than what you have had. and when the time comes that you find her you wont be afraid to approach her anymore. i hope thats some what helpful. God bless. always here if you wanna chat! -
Reply #2 08/11/08 10:38am
When someone has the power to destroy you like that, you are not ready for a relationship. It is too risky. Work on yourself, your childhood issues and your self-esteem. The euphoria you are describing sounds more like a drug. I used men as drugs for years. To stop is what this is all about. The only way is to give ourselves what we look for from others: love and acceptance. The 12 steps of SLAA are a good way to start working on your issues and to clear out the issues.
I am sorry you were unfortunate enough to attract these people, but that's what we do. -
Reply #3 08/12/08 1:16pm
Well said NoOne - working on ourselves is definitely the key. And yes, the euphoria of a love relationship is like no other drug. You feel validated and alive. And in deep despair when you no longer have it. It is too risky for a relationship BUT to not have anybody is so sad and you feel like you want to die. What your mind tells you - "this is not good for you" and what your heart tells you - "this is LOVE and it is WONDERFUL" are two different things. So sorry you had to go through this but hope this lesson teaches you to not give of yourself so freely. Try to get through the depression and maybe you'll be stronger and smarter next time. HUGS! -
Reply #4 08/14/08 11:40am
It's the best trap in the world...a perfect trap...you are lured in by a sense of security, the destroyed, once destroyed you are convinced by someone else, that you can trust them again, and then you are again destroyed once again. perfect circle of pain... -
Reply #5 08/14/08 11:06pm
i'm so sorry you were hurt so bad. i don't understand how some people can be so cold. i once knew a guy who considered himself so sensitive and caring that he could'nt brake up with anyone. eventually he was dating 6 women at the same time because he said he couldn't hurt any of them. i'm not sure which is worse being dumped or finding out you are part of a harem. -
Reply #6 08/15/08 11:18am
Obviously these women don't know a great guy when they have one. People can be inconsiderate and very insensitive to others feelings. Don't let them destroy your confidence there are great women out there. One will come along when your not looking so hard and things will be good. But its hard wanting something so much and not being able to have it. You have alot of love to give. Just be careful with your choices. Your learning what not to look for in women. A good relationship needs a strong foundation and that always takes time. Have patience. -
Reply #7 08/29/08 4:38pm
patience?, i have no understanding of the word... -
Reply #8 08/30/08 9:05am
Patience, from the Latin patior, meaning to suffer. Same source as the word medical patient.
In this context, it means the willingness to suffer the passage of time, the willingness to wait. Without getting a fix, trying to fix or control a situation.
Instead, in a situation like this, one ought to work on one's own psychological recovery: discovering who were are, the roots of how we came to be as we are, and how to not get crushed by other people. Recovery is a wonderful adventure with other people too, and that makes up for the, again, patience required to yield results. -
Reply #9 08/30/08 9:27am
patience....I have no understanding of the word... -
Reply #10 09/02/08 12:04pm
NoOne, you are so smart! Impatience is a form of resistance, I think. It is part of the addiction. You seek instant gratification for fear if you don't grab it, it will be gone. I think it is part of the emotional abandonment as a child. I just read Jodi Piccoult's new book "Nineteen Minutes". It is about a child who has been bullied his whole life and doesn't feel part of a group - just alone and rejected by everyone. He is told to stand up for himself but when he does, he gets punished. I ended up crying because I identiified with Patrick, the guy who ends up using violence to get back at those who hurt him. It makes me mad at people who have children and then don't parent them but leave them to fend for themselves!
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