Wow, 15 days...I think you are doing great. I barely went near my H after only 2 weeks. Good job to you!!!
I personally believe that the cheater should be making more of the effort to comfort the betrayed. Not the otherway around. Every relationship and circumstance is different but I never gave a thing til I started getting some remorse love and compassion from him as well as some huge changes.
Good luck. Your H might really be hurting right now too and be shut down emotionally because of all of this. Maybe hecould benefit from talking to someone. I wish you all the best!!
Discussion Topic
Starting to try...
Posted on 07/24/08, 05:39 pm
It's only been 15 days since OW has been out of the picture in my life. Before she came into his life, I admit we were in a relationship rut. Now that we are trying to rebuild, I have also been trying new things to let him know I care about him. Small things. Nice notes in the morning. Longer hugs, etc. I recently looked at the last two weeks to see our progression and realized he hasn't made any changes towards me or us. I am not being selfish I don't think because all I really would like is reassuring words from him at this point. Is that too much too ask? Or am I trying too hard?
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Reply #1 07/24/08 6:11pm
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Reply #2 07/24/08 6:15pm
Agree with everything Will said. Your H needs to show something. If behaviors don't change on both parts, it won't be fixed. This is from experience. Good luck. -
Reply #3 07/24/08 8:19pm
Ditto. He betrayed you! He should be licking your boots. You're trying to make the effor to come to him? Let him meet you at least 99% of the way! -
Reply #4 07/25/08 11:33am
You are all right. The ball is in his court. If he really cares he should be trying really hard. I know -- I was (am) him. It's hard but early on he has to try. If you're meeting him half-way, he needs to come the other half. If not -- you gotta ask yourself if he's worth it. -
Reply #5 07/25/08 11:44am
i can so relate to this post. i get so frustrated because i often feel like i'm the only one working at it. and when i tell my H this he gets mad because he keeps telling me, "i'm doing everything i can!" and maybe in his mind he is but i've given him literally a step-by-step guide to what i need. i've told him i need verbal reassurance; i.e., texts, emails, phone calls, etc and it seems like the more i tell him what i need the more he goes in the opposite direction. GRRRR! i just want to scream sometimes. but like "faith" mentioned, someone has to grab the reigns and just make it happen. as long as i live i will never understand how i can love someone so much and absolutely despise them at the same time! -
Reply #6 07/25/08 2:31pm
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Reply #7 07/25/08 3:10pm
I agree with Faithnhealing. I can hear and I know I felt this way 1 million times. He should be kissing my butt after what he did, but in reality not every man is gonna do that. They may do it in other ways. Now 15 days is very recent. No one here knows what this H of yours is thinking he has the issues he's going through he may be feeling guilty or ashamed??? we don't know it could be the opposite I don't know. Its really up to you if you are gonna be willing to be a little patient. When it comes to him being super affectionate all of the sudden. Its okay if you have different moods and you feel emotional thats normal. I mean like i've said before we are talking about our lives and our families here. My H took a good while. I'm glad I waited, but that is my situation. Our bond is closer than ever. Not because of the infidelity, but because of the realization of how easily our marriage and family could be lost. Well thats how I feel about it. -
Reply #8 07/25/08 4:58pm
I guess it is still so fresh for me. I am trying very hard to be positive and look towards our future together. I just feel run down sometimes. After all I didn't do this to me. I don't feel this way because of something I did. He did this to me and I am currently feeling I am being the stronger one trying to heal our relationship. But mommamand makes a good point. I need to concider and realize my emotions and know they are normal and it's okay to feel them.
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