He IS insecure. Keep working out because it's good for you. Go to church because if you're religious, your relationship with God comes first. I'm not super religious, but God's not the one who cheated on you so your husband can sod off on that one. You can tell him you're not interested in a revenge shag and proceed to do what makes you feel good. From the posts I've read from you so far, you seem like a very considerate person who's almost too considerate. He's being a brat. He knows he screwed up and that you're nice and pretty. I don't know what type of shape you're in, but the whole working out thing makes everyone look even better so he's freaking out. Let him freak out, but assure him you're not cheating in return. Lastly, enjoy it. I'm a firm believer that a cheater deserves the worry time after what they've done. He'll learn to appreciate who he has at home and not be a selfish sack of crap.
The end.
<3
Discussion Topic
Hello ladies need some advice and encouragement today
Posted on 07/21/08, 10:38 am
I'm getting a little discouraged over here. I know that its gonna take a miracle for my husband to want to go back to any church. He just plain refuses and doesn't want anything to do with church anymore. I want to go, but I don't want to be against him, and thats how i feel going on my own. He is also being very jealous. I mean after all this stuff came out he's been jealous and i just recently started working out and now he's acting super jealous. He pretty much wants me with him most of the time unless its to go buy something from the store. I think he's just insecure and thinks I'm going to get revenge, but this sort of discourages me. I'm trying to be positive about it, but I'm just getting tired of the drama. I'm sure someone has gone through something similar. Some days are good and some days are upsetting. Uggghhhh!!!!!!
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Reply #1 07/21/08 11:16am
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Reply #2 07/21/08 3:48pm
Keep doing what you need and want to do. It is so easy to get wrapped up into our spouses that we forget we need to take care of ourselves first. God put you on this earth to be the best you, that you can be, so if going to church, and working out make you happy, continue!
When you take care of yourself, Church and working out,(very HEALTHY), it's easy for him to get jealous, but eventually he will get over it, and start taking care of you too!!!!!! -
Reply #3 07/21/08 4:20pm
I'm just curious,wasn't he real active in the church before?
Why is he not wanting to go now? Is it guilt? -
Reply #4 07/21/08 5:26pm
yes, he had just become a minister when all this crud happened. No we left the church, because we didn't get any help with our marriage. We kept asking different leaders and they would cancel on us, there were certain things we didn't agree with and we couldn't get help for our marriage it was getting really bad. So we decided it wasn't the church for us during that time. He just hasn't wanted to get involved in another church at all. We were in this church almost 9 years. One thing he did say was if we go to a church I want to see that the family is doing good. The pastor and his children no drama. So he has his reasons and I agree with him, but since then he's been turned off and I feel like I'm ready to start going back. Not with the same committment, but just a little to get some healing spiritually. I don't blame him just like we get turned off with people that are unfaithful in marriage other people that have devoted themself to doing ministry can get turned off with church people that are unfaithful. I used to feel this way, but now I just care about my family. I know he has to realize this himself so I'm not gonna push it. It does bother me though. -
Reply #5 07/21/08 8:46pm
I am so sorry you had such a rotten experience with church people.
I agree someone,the Pastor,church elders,leaders should of been available to counsel with you! Some churches have even trained others to better able help with the counseling end of things.Churches can have the best of intensions,but they are just made up of regular ole' everyday people like us. And we get over involved,to busy,and completely miss the whole point!
I can understand why he doesn't want to go...He's been hurt by people, you should be able to count on.
Have you ever read the book "The Power Of A Praying Wife"? It is so good,I'd recommend reading it! Pray does amazing things,could even bring your H back to church! -
Reply #6 07/21/08 10:16pm
going to church (although buddhist for me) and working out are two activities that have been an important part of my own healing process, and my DH isn't interested in either of them. i wish he would enjoy spiritual and physical activities with me, and i'm kinda sad that he doesn't, but if i don't take care of myself nobody else will.
i was reading that men are from mars book, and it said it's important to our relationships that women to go away and do our own thing periodically. of course i think the book makes men sound like stupid cavemen pretty often :)
i don't think your going to church is going against him. i think you're setting an example by seeing to your relationship w/ your creator, and your quiet example might just encourage him == you might be surprised, he might up & join you one day. :)
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Reply #7 07/21/08 11:34pm
I think one's relationship to their God is personal, take care of your own spiritual needs. In time he may repair his relationship with God too. I do think it is important that couples do things together, my husband and I don't have a lot of things in common it seems. -
Reply #8 07/21/08 11:47pm
Wow sorry that didn't come out the way I intended at all, didn't mean to sound snippy. I just meant give him some time and it may work itself out. -
Reply #9 07/22/08 10:02am
I agree with Silverstix. Also, you are definitely not betraying him by wanting to go to church. My brother and his spouse have been together for well over 15 years. He doesn't believe at all and she is a devout Catholic. They still make their marriage work. All you can do is explain why this is important to you to your husband and realize you can't control his attitude towards it.
Also, my H was exactly the same way at first - always worried I was going to get "even," constantly worried when I went on business trips and didn't want anything to do with church. Time made the first two better and counseling is working on the spiritual side of things. Also, with my husband, a lot of his cheating is a result of his own insecurities. I think this also led to the guilt and mistrust of me because he knew what he did was wrong.
Good luck. You seem like a really nice person.
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