hunybuns

Coinsidence??

Posted on 07/21/08, 09:11 am

My H and I were supposed to be in California on vacation right now, but he said some guy that he works with had vacation for this week and there is only one allowed to have vacation at a time. I just found out that once again he lied and it's the ow who took vacation. He says she didn't know when we were going to California, but I think she is just putting a wrench in our plans. Any thoughts? He still sticks up for her and now he is with her for the night. My cancer and fighting with him is too much for him to handle. He needs to get a way every now and then. He says he will be home all the time except every now and then when he needs to get a way!

• Reply #1 07/21/08  1:48pm
  
  tearful
  I am so sorry...Your husband has some issues. His main focus should be you. You need to really try and talk to him and see what it is that he wants, I hate the fact it still is all about them. hunybuns, you can't heal like you need to if you have things like this stressing you out. He needs to and should be there for you 24/7...That's what a real man would do, be there for the person he promised to be there for. Good Luck, and stay strong. Your in my thoughts and prayers.
• Reply #2 07/22/08  12:46am
  
  tweedsie
  Hugs to you hunybuns for being so strong...what do you he is with her for the night? Is he not working on this marriage with you? You can't do it alone...Sorry I'm a bit confused.
• Reply #3 07/22/08  3:56am
  
  didntseeitc...
  Both of you should be concentrating on your health. You do not need any other worries except about getting better! How can you be strong when you are worrying about other things. I don't understand how men can be so selfish...my thoughts and prayers are with you. Be strong for yourself because obviously your husband isn't there for you.
  Hugs for you!
• Reply #4 07/22/08  9:11am
  
  Cricket08
  I wonder if she has something she is holding over his head? I mean she seems to have some "power" here. I wonder if she is blackmailing him in some way. Just a thought.
• Reply #5 07/22/08  9:55am
  
  CCOlson
  Hunybuns - first, sorry about him being away. Here's the thing, why does he have to spend time with her when he is away. Our counselor made one thing very clear - it is not possible to work on your marriage when one or more parties has time and effort vested in another person. In other words, you need to realize that his spending time with someone he hurt you with shows absolutely no compassion for you. My H cut off all ties completely. Realize that is harder with work, but think of it this way - do you spend social time with everyone you work with? There are plenty of people I work with that I only see at work and that I mostly talk about work when I am with them (again - only at work). I don't know your H, but I really think his current behavior is unacceptable towards you (his spouse). It's even more unacceptable given your current health issues. That's just my opinion, but I really do believe that working on the marriage means serioius commitment. You deserve nothing less. Good luck.

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