Discussion Topic
Having No More Contact
Posted on 05/16/08, 05:36 pm
I have reading a discussion about setting the ground rules for our H not to have any contact what so ever with the ow. Some of you have caught your H still seeing the ow. As for me my H and the OW work the night stiff. Not the same department but its driving me crazy that I cant keep an eye on that. Does anyone have any advice on how I can set ground rules for my husband. I want to work this out but right now its like am testing it all out. Want to know if its really over! Am not ready to just take his word for it. What can I do? Am crazy, right?
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Reply #1 05/16/08 6:15pm
He should do all he can to get a new schedule...all he can, or to change jobs. None of this is easy but his job right now is to make you feel as safe and secure as possible. While my wife doesn't work with the OM, they run into each other at my kid's school. She's had to re-adjust her schedule and stay away from certain parts of town. It may sound controlling, but, there are certain times and days when I ask her to stay at home or only go out if she has the kids with her. She accepts these things because she knows it's her duty (she chose it) to rebuild what she destroyed. -
Reply #2 05/17/08 1:17pm
I don't know how you do it... no matter how much I trust that my husband will never have an affair again..because he has seen the destruction it caused....I still would not be able to stand the idea that he would see her every day at work...
I would have demanded that he change jobs, work out of the home...at the least change work shifts...You are NOT crazy... -
Reply #3 05/17/08 1:26pm
There are serious sacrifices that must be given at once..
He has to change jobs at once.. no if buts, or excuses.. you cant keep going on like this..
We lived w/ split shifts, and its my opinion that they hurt marriages.. I know it sometimes cant be helped.. but this has been my experience, and many people i have met or known or read about..
This is the time when real sacrifices count the most...
What is he willing to do to rebuild what he destroyed?
How does he wish to spend each and every 'last' day w/ you as a family? -
Reply #4 05/17/08 1:45pm
First off, you are not crazy. Perhaps you should consider an individual session with a counselor so that you can work out what those ground rules need to be for you to feel secure, followed by a couples session where the discussion of those ground rules could take place. I am sorry this is happening in your life. You have found a good place to find support. -
Reply #5 05/21/08 8:33am
I here you jennifer. My H and the OW still work together also. Not same department, but same floor, office building. They run into each other all day, have meetings with both departments, etc. etc.
Drives me mad.
Not sure its something I can get over.
Having said that, my H is very remoreseful and says he tells me whenever they even just say HI to each other (why do you need to say hi to the bitch)....!!
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