I understand where you are coming from - I was abused by my mother and she made me feel completely responsible for the abuse - I was a dirty, filthy child. I thought for a long time that maybe being abused by a woman told me something about my sexuality, but the truth is that it had nothing to do with me as it was never my choice to 1) Be abused and 2)Be abused by a woman. Part of my healing is not letting the messages I received from being abused affect me anymore - they are lies. I can be sexually aroused and have a healthy sex life with my fiance just like anyone else - there is nothing wrong with me and everything wrong with my abuser.
It's good to get all of your emotions out, and having a group like this helps alot so we don't feel so alone in this - I spent a lot of time wondering whether what happened to me was abuse because it wasn't the stereotypical story because my abuser was my mother. I know now that I am not the only one and it helps alot in my healing. If you ever need anything, please reach out.
Much Love,
Janie
Discussion Topic
10 Members
Posted on 06/02/08, 10:34 pm
The fact that there are ten people in this group is somewhat comforting. Because I feel so alone in this. "women don't abuse other women"...and definitely not kids....bull. I wish that I could make this all go away but it doesn't. I have nothing against people that are gay but I freak out when I think that she has made me gay because of what she did. In reality I'm actually completely asexual, because if either sex touches me I freak out. I feel guilty for feeling anything at all because I feel like a dirty b*tch. Women are just as scary if not more than men. Sorry, don't mean to bring everyone down. Just sad, scared, freaked out, mad, confused, hopeless. Its not about being gay...thank you therapy, its probably more about that being easier to focus on than the abuse itself.
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Reply #1 06/06/08 4:47pm
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Reply #2 06/06/08 7:37pm
Thank you for your kind and insightful response Janie, I really appreciate it. How long did it take you to get to the point where you are at? and how did you do it????? besides what you have realized relative to your sexuality, I know, from your recent posting, that you are also in the process of confronting your mum.....thats f*cking incredible. At this point I can't even imagaine facing the woman that abused me. I saw her at one point at home (I emigrated to this country as soon as I could, and was home visiting, which in itself was really overwhelming) and I absolutely lost it....complete paralysis....like blinding white freakish fear....I really admire your strength. Its inspiring. Thanks again for your response and from a theoretical perspective, because I know in the same situation I would be a complete mess (more than usual) I would tell you that the lack of response (so far, because it still might come) is more than likely denial and fear on her part. She is not used to being the powerless one. In any case that probably doesn't mean anything coming from someone like me that is struggling just to get through the day. sorry. Take care of yourself. alotbigmuch -
Reply #3 06/07/08 4:36pm
I was sexually abused by my mum, i struggled for years with my sexuality confused about what i wanted in my life.I have been gay since i was 16 i have had previous relationships with men and i forced myself to stay in them because i was scared to come out as being gay because of the abuse but deep down i was unhappy. I rememeber telling my mum i was gay and she said oh well you must have enjoyed it!! so being gay or hetrosexual to be i classed as being dirty and disgusting. I have been in a gay relationship now with my girlfriend for 3 years and she has made me the happiest ive ever felt in my whole life and im not ashamed anymore to admit that im gay.
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This is a group for people to come and talk vent express their feelings and share their stories about what they have experienced at the hands of women.Also this group is here to offer inspiration and encouragement to those who are still walking through this or struggling with the aftermath of this type of abuse.Please use this area to share with others how you got out of that abusive relationship and what you did to deal with it.Above all I set this group up so people knew they were NOT alone
