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After divorce it's hard to jump back into the dating scene. This group will help support each other as we get back out there in the dating world.

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Re-Dating Rules

Posted by Lindz1125 - 04/19/08, 11:06 pm

There are no hard, fast rules when it comes to what you should do to get back into the swing of dating after divorce. If you have lain to rest all the emotional baggage and feel truly ready to date you will probably do fine. If you have doubts, the following tips will help you navigate the dating scene more easily.

Be Prudent.

It pays to be wise and judicious when re – entering the dating game. Now that you are newly single, try to bring balance to your life. You may be eager to date but don’t forget to make time for yourself as well as spend time with friends and family. Date if you feel ready but, don’t make it your whole life.

Cultivate relationships with other single people.

If you don’t already have single friend, then find some. Your single friends will be a great resource because hey are in similar place and it always helps to have company when dealing with a new life situation.

One date does not form a relationship.

It’s important to know that everyone you date will not be interested in a second date. Just because you were interested in a second date doesn’t mean they have to be. Don’t let the fact that you don’t get called to go out again deter you or cause you to think negatively about yourself. Move on to the next person and be willing to go through the process of elimination. Don’t take dating or yourself too seriously.

Don’t come on too strong.

If you were in a long term marriage then you are used to being part of a couple. Divorce means changing habits and take on the role of a single individual. Don’t let the couple habit cause you to come on too strong and chase someone special away. You are dating, not stalking so be careful not to overwhelm.

Don’t forget to respect yourself.

Go slowly when it comes to sharing information about yourself with a date. It will convey a sense of self – respect and create mystery. So, keep the details to a minimum until you know they are worthy of hearing them.

The world is your test tube.

Approach the dating game with an attitude of openness and experimentation. You might now find Mr./Ms. Right on every date you go on but, keep an open mind and you will at least learn something new.

Try something new.

Don’t box yourself in with the idea that you have a “type” that you are attracted to. Change those old thought process, step outside your head and broaden your horizons. You may find that what you thought would make you gag, actually makes you happy.

Never underestimate the power of flirting.

Nothing is more fun than flirting and nothing helps you connect to another person quicker than being playful. Be charming and delightful, show some vitality. Keep it light and festive, not deep and serious. Keep your mind in the moment and not on the long term goal of falling in love

Dating after Divorce

Posted by Lindz1125 - 04/19/08, 11:00 pm
Lise Funderburg knew that dating after her divorce wouldn't be easy. But she plunged into it anyway, and now she's with a man she met by placing a personal ad. She says that for dating to work, you have to stop trying to make it work.

Lise wrote about her experience in the February 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine. Read an excerpt here:

People who say dating was fun either don't remember or are simply wrong. When I plunged back into it, four years ago and freshly divorced, I was stunned by how hard it all was—knowing what to say, where to go, what to order off the menu, whether I was having a good time. Decisions I could make hundreds of times a day without thinking were suddenly excruciatingly difficult, freighted with the weight of the world, with the possibility of affecting my destiny. This was not—how do I put it?—fun. So I radically revised my approach to the enterprise: I began to use the world's most awkward social situation to practice the art of being me.

I had to come clean with myself and admit the stakes were high. Time to discard the casual stance (I don't care what happens…I'm not nervous…I do this all the time) that was more armor than authentic feeling. I recognized the importance of seeking love and also that the chances of finding it were unbelievably slim. Such low probability was oddly comforting: I had the long shot's permission to run the race my way.

Like many women I know, I had always been more concerned with being liked than with liking. What would happen if I stopped arranging my behavior around attracting the other person? I changed the way I dressed for a date—still choosing clothes that looked good but not more revealing or frilly than I would normally wear. I tried not to fill the pauses in the conversation, thinking instead, This is uncomfortable—for both of us. I fully answered questions about my work (I write about community and race and identity and…thrift shopping!) and my interests (I garden and dabble in masonry and…thrift shop!), including those parts that I imagined might not appeal to my dinner partner.

I also reconsidered the way I looked at my dates. It's hard to see a person accurately when there's even a sliver of a chance that he might turn out to be the person with whom you share children and utility bills and a bed for years on end. What you want so often blocks what's actually there. And what's there on the table between you is two luggage racks full of baggage—a Samsonite sundae piled high with hopes, dreams, disappointments, losses and long-held ways of understanding the world. We're all products of a particular time and place, family and religion, history and culture, coincidence and physical attributes. To listen with openness and say what you mean across that mass takes concentration and presence of mind. No time left to worry about whether you should have worn the Manolos.

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