I am tired today. I have a friend i know for about a year. We never met, we just talk online and over the phone, on and off. We kinda like each other, but we both know it is not very realistic anyway. Anyhow, I was in denial about feeling anything for him until a friend called my attention, last weekend. After that, conversations sort of got longer. We both struggle with the idea. More recently, he struggles more than I do, pulling away from interacting to a certain extent for the last couple days, asking if I missed him...blah.

I hope he does something stupid, anything to qualify him as a jerk, so I put him behind and get going. It is tough to do. Sometimes I want to be a jerk myself to get him out of my life and my mind. Yeah, I have to admit we get along fine but I don't like having those feelings for someone in a different place. I have enough going on where i live. So, I keep meeting people when I feel like, but lately I don't feel like meeting other guys...pathetic, platonic, ridiculous..and nice..yeppers, all at the same time....argh. I am not sure I am ready to like someone in the same town, imagine somewhere else..lol...anyhow, I miss when we don't interact, and I get disappointed when he disappears, like to clock does not go by fast enough.

Interacting with him makes me smile big time. Thinking about him gives me that stupid green too. What the heck? Am I going nuts? Most likely. Anyhow, he is traveling to NY soon and that should give me a well deserved break, time to cool off.

Any takers for that type of feeling? I have done internet dating before and met guys living somewhere else. Been there, done that...so, I am not sure I want to meet and then have to say bye..argh. I don't want to have my head in a different place you know, oh well. Time should sort things out. Maybe this friend over the weekend kinda put the pressure on me about dating and I need sometime to go back to "normal"...flirt lots, don't take anything home...just happy to be.