Discussion Topic

family influence

Posted on 05/14/08, 04:02 pm

I have been divorced for a year now and was seperated off and on for 2 years before that. I have been on a few dates but no relationship yet. I made the mistake last weekend of telling my mom I had a date (get together with several friends and a man whose asked me out would be there) I get this long speech about how I should not date until my youngest son goes off to college - like 11 years from now.

So I'm a big girl (37 years old) but it still bothers me that my mom tries to influence the decisions I make. Would love to tell her to butt out but there is rejection issues from her too. SHEESH!

Showing 5 Replies

Reply #1 05/14/08 4:44pm

Mark1971

Well, that seems like an unreasonable request. I know this seems like a simple idea, but you have to live your own life and only you will know when it is best to date. You would think your mother would support you on this, I know mine would.

I say if you think you are ready, then give it a shot and have fun! God knows we could all use a little of that!
Reply #2 05/14/08 6:46pm

GeocacherNY

"Yes, Mom, I hear ya"
Reply #3 05/15/08 12:32am

Mopri

Your mom actually wants you to wait till you are 48 before you even date again, wtf.

I assume it has to do with your childs well being and influences in life, But she should understand that as a mother you will look at your kids best interests. So even if you date, that does not mean your kids will be exposed to this new person, now or in the immediate future.

Explain that to her and ask her to support you and your decision.
Reply #4 05/15/08 10:26pm

lilsam

I too have had family and friends giving me their opinion about my decisions in life now that I'm on my own. I just listen and smile politely and then go ahead and do what I want to do. I understand about the rejection issues which is why I just smile politely and often don't say anything... I need to work on my communication skills among other things:)
Reply #5 05/16/08 1:33am

mrmanny

I, too, have had "advice" from those who mean well; ultimately, however, it is WE who have to live our lives & bear the consequences--good & bad--of whatever happens. It gets under my skin, too when this happens; I just remind myself that that's the way people (especially family) are. All that matters is how I feel (a little selfish, yes...but we must live our own lives). I am discreet about my dating, especially if the date flops just so that I can avoid "advice" that I don't need. At 36 I don't need to be lectured any more! lol Good luck to you!