Discussion Topic

BBQ "date"??

Posted on 05/04/08, 10:56 pm

Ok - so my friend calls me and says her hubby has a friend going through essentially the same stuff and invited me to a BBQ at their place, turns out through a twist that I already know the guy through work - I've really only met him a couple times and talked to him on the phone - weird huh? Anyway, it was supposed to just be a BBQ with two people looking to get out (not out there) for some adult time - when I was leaving my friends hubby asked if he could pass along my phone number - uh-uh no way! Guess he wants to go out (as a group??) and has free coupons. If it's free coupons, is it a date - he's an accountant if that makes a difference. I mean I haven't done this for over twenty years and then it was high school. How will I know when I'm asked out on a date? My friend said he's interested, I'm not - not that way, I still very much love my STBX and won't even be divorced for another 19 days, but I have to admit I'm tired of sitting home alone feeling sorry for myself. So, is it a date - or am I over reacting? I felt rather pressured by my friend and her hubby with all the grinning and teasing they were doing. advice?

Showing 11 - 14 of 14 Replies

Reply #11 05/17/08 8:17am

Mopri

You have your comfort zone and feel free to stay in it.
A walk and talk could be perfectly innocent, but realistically if he knows you are not into anything further a walk and talk is kind of pointless. As for the emailing and the arm on chair ect, it sounds like he doesnt understand, or respect what you are saying. If you feel to much pressure, tell him to fully back off and stop. Be fully honest and firm on what you want and tell him flat out if he keeps it up you will cut all ties to him.
Reply #12 05/17/08 2:46pm

lilsam

Pay attention to uncomfortable feelings or red flags lavendarblue. Be true to yourself and put your own needs first.
Reply #13 05/18/08 7:07pm

bobbyf

it could be he need somebody to talk to thats going thru the same thing.i know when i went thry my d i dident have anybody that was going thru or has been thru it.even when i started to date i had more proublems trying to figure out what was going on still do so maybe try the lunch thing let him know whats going on and tell him you just want to be friends
Reply #14 05/18/08 8:58pm

lavendarblue

Thanks all! I had an email from him sent in the wee hours and he played it pretty innocent - hard to hear in the bar etc. I did respond and was very clear that I am still in love with the STBX and while I was interested in getting out of the house, networking, making friends and stuff like that I was not interested in dating or a relationship, my reasons and where I was at emotionally etc. He wrote back and said thanks for the email and he understood and he went through something similar when he separated and then went on to talk about how he tried internet dating and liked it because you could just kind of talk to people before "dating" and could he call me and talk, what's a good number and time - oh, but no relationship talk or "pressure"...I'm feeling put on the spot and I don't like it. I don't want some guy calling the house, their dad had "just a friend" and they recently learned she was more than that - for me to say he is just a friend is not going to go well, even if that's all he really is - I will not break their trust like he did. I also don't want to give out my cell number. He looked me up in the phone book and already called me and I had to try to explain to the kids he really is just a friend. Maybe I shouldn't be getting out yet, it feels much safer to just stay at home with my kids and the cat! I really, really don't want to hurt his feelings or offend anyone (him, my friend or her husband), but I'm also feeling way over my head by the way he acts/talks. Thanks for letting me vent and "talk out loud" to you all. I'll check back for responses!