Discussion Topic
Hellish Pregnancy
Posted on 05/07/08, 08:54 pm
Just read MaddieNMommie's post about the pregnancy. Well, I thought what I had to say deserves a separate post. I desired pregnancy for years. I struggled, despaired, cried, screamed and even injured myself from the emotional pain of not being able to become prgnant at will. Well, when the test stick turned positive, I was really shaken up. I was diagnosed with PCOS weeks or even days before I conceived. So I had crazy blood pressure like 200/100 since I was 22 and was anxious n prone to weight gain. MY pressure was fairly controlled up until fucking week 20. Right at the mark it started steadily climbing up. I became a frequent visitor at the hospital. I was anxious and depressed and fat and achy n tired all over. Whoever told me I should be happy deserves tp be shot. I tested positive for AFP n cried fearing I'd carry a Down baby. At 8 months at a pressure 230/130 they cut me open. I cried and cried and cried about the scar. In addition my daughter was born with disfiguring hemangioma that started growing right out of NICU. I dont wanna hear all that crap about how i should be happy my daughter was born happy n healthy. I obsessed and cried for months. I finally went back on medication for my regular depression which by the way became 1000000 times worse and I now take so many medications, it would make most people puke! Anyways. I had to vent. I resent those questions on whether another kid is on the way. Still dealing with the shit. Still not over it, not back to normal and dunno if I'd ever will.
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Reply #1 05/08/08 7:43pm
I'm not sure what to say other then I'm sorry for everything you have been through and everythig your still going through . I can't even begin to understand what your going through . All i can say is if you ever need to vent please e-mail me and I will be there to listen . -
Reply #2 05/08/08 8:03pm
Maddie, hope you dont think I was mad at you. I really had to vent. The strange thing is that i DO want another child - dont get me wrong. I just CANNOT at the moment. -
Reply #3 05/08/08 10:09pm
Totally understandable -
Reply #4 10/21/08 11:27pm
Hey, I feel so sad for you. But you got to get up and face life, right? Pamper yourself and STOP thinking about all the negatives that has happened to you. Try to think of some positive things and see if that lifts your mood.
I totally understand what you said. Kind of been through that. But been feeling slightly better lately after I consciously stopped thinking about the past, and just take things calmly and slowly, one at a time. Still have several nasty things going on, but I have decided to smile. I do go down so deep that it seems impossible, but hey, I feel good at other times too. You will feel much better, vent as much as you want.
Welcome
