I will always remember the night that my stbx, pd for short, woke up from a drunken binge in the middle of the night and began accusing my son of trying to kill him. He kept telling my son that my son was trying to kill him, and no matter what my son said pd wouldn't accept the answer. So my son said, ok, yeah I did, and pd took that as proof that he was right. After that, no matter what I said that night,or my son, pd was convinced. Until the next day, when he was no longer drunk, and could think. So, not only are they good at twisting what you say, and making you for get what you say, but he could get you to say what he wanted to hear, just so you could get him to stop.....
He did it again with my son's drivers license...got him to say he didn't want to get his permit....Oh yeah you dickhead....what 16 yr old boy doesn't want his permit.....
Discussion Topic
Reporting sexual abuse to the police
Posted on 07/20/08, 02:32 am
Ok, this is old stuff but it came up again this morning.
I woke up having a dream a client was sexually molesting me. I have always been worried about that as I work alone. It was ok though. In my dream, I got out of the room and reported him to the police. As I woke I remembered how two of my husband's friends had sexually abused me.
One raped me. The second time he tried, but I got away and I heard from my brother and sister in law that he killed my cat (they thought it was funny). The other one used to grope me whenever he got close, wherever, even in my own home. And I had it right in the forefront of my mind, as I awoke, how my husband did nothing.
When I went to the kitchen he was there and I asked him straight out why he had done nothing about these incidents. He said nothing. He likes to say nothing when it suits him.
But I said "How can you just sit there saying nothing. How come you never did anything?"
He said "If he raped you, why didn't you go to the police?"
I just told him he was changing the subject and asked him again why he did nothing.
He said he didn't know.
Duh?!
And in my head I keeep hearing "Why didn't you go to the police?" So I am being questioned and blamed?
And why didn't I report it to the police anyway?
I wish I had.
I woke up having a dream a client was sexually molesting me. I have always been worried about that as I work alone. It was ok though. In my dream, I got out of the room and reported him to the police. As I woke I remembered how two of my husband's friends had sexually abused me.
One raped me. The second time he tried, but I got away and I heard from my brother and sister in law that he killed my cat (they thought it was funny). The other one used to grope me whenever he got close, wherever, even in my own home. And I had it right in the forefront of my mind, as I awoke, how my husband did nothing.
When I went to the kitchen he was there and I asked him straight out why he had done nothing about these incidents. He said nothing. He likes to say nothing when it suits him.
But I said "How can you just sit there saying nothing. How come you never did anything?"
He said "If he raped you, why didn't you go to the police?"
I just told him he was changing the subject and asked him again why he did nothing.
He said he didn't know.
Duh?!
And in my head I keeep hearing "Why didn't you go to the police?" So I am being questioned and blamed?
And why didn't I report it to the police anyway?
I wish I had.
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Reply #21 08/06/08 7:43pm
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Reply #22 08/08/08 7:57pm
Strange as it seems to me in a way, I still can't say I am really sure I have been and am being abused. -
Reply #23 08/09/08 5:59pm
Rosie....It is a realization I made over time....When I first used the word abusive, it was in regard to my husbands negative foul commentary on my son's performance in a hockey game at about age 11 or 12....I told him he was abusive to my son, whom he promptly manipulated to tell me that his dad was "helping" him.....Yeah, I'm sure that's the kind of help all the great kids got from their father, being called an asshole, terrible, the worst kid on the ice, and my personal favorite, an embarrassment to his father.....
I had recognized it as abuse a couple years before that, and that is when I had the courage to say it....YOu've been married a long time, Rosie...like I was, and it takes a long time to unravel the truth from all the lies, and abuse, and pain....but I can see you are doing it, daily....
Stay strong. In the end, it will all turn out the way it should....
Hugs to you -
Reply #24 08/10/08 7:07am
Maybe a key thing is for us to be validated so we feel ok. Abusers invalidate us. So we start doubting ourselves. It is very hard to be the one who validates oneself. Maybe that just doesn't work that well. -
Reply #25 08/10/08 9:55am
Rosie, you are such a smart woman, so insightful....Please always remember that HE does not define you. YOU are NOT the person he says you are, never were, never will be. You will only be the person YOU say you are, the person who in their soul, is a loving, kind, caring ,spiritual woman. The woman who put her life on hold to take care of her special needs son. Who stuck by her husband and is still trying under the most adverse of circumstances, who goes to see her sick mother, who is also abusive. The woman who tries to help all of us here, at DS.
You have a heart of GOLD, Rosie. Anytime he tries to undermine you, you just remember that. And if you forget, let me know.. I'll remind you...........
Hugs to you my sweet Australian friend...... -
Reply #26 08/11/08 7:22am
Thanks very much for your kind words, hockey.
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