Amanda, thank you so much for coming here and being a part of this. To be able to share and be so supportive is such a gift and a blessing to the rest of us..
thank so much for all the support you have given me..
Discussion Topic
Amanda Mentor Bio.
Posted on 07/15/08, 06:27 pm
Hello all. My name is Amanda. I left an abusive relationship on May 1st of this year. I was in the relationship for 5 years. I was emotionally, verbally, and physically abused. My ex was also an alcoholic though he never admitted it.
For a long time I thought that I was the problem in the relationship. I thought that if I could just fix myself and my problems that the relationship would work and he would treat me with love and kindness. I was wrong. Each time I worked harder, went for therapy, or tried to fix myself he upped the ante and found more wrong with me. People warned me that he was being abusive. I didn't see it. I always said to them, "But you can't see how things really are. If I didn't do (fill in the blank), he wouldn't act this way. They just shook their heads at me and I ended up feeling even worse. I felt like I was in a fog. I couldn't understand why they just didn't see that I was to blame. Well, I now know they couldn't see I was to blame because I wasn't.
I couldn't see until about the last 6 months how serious of a predicament I was in. It was the hardest thing I've ever done to leave. I always made excuses why I had to stay. I feared leaving because I feared how hard it would be to leave. What I didn't realize is that it was even harder to stay there.
I lost a big part of myself and toward the end of the relationship I lost all of myself. I lived to make him happy and keep the peace and keep the relationship no matter what. It took a lot of mental and emotional preparation to leave, but I did and am better off for it.
Many angels here at DS helped me after I left the relationship. I was looking for support after I left from other abused women and stumbled across DS. I continually learn about myself each day and grow from that. I would love the opportunity to talk with anyone that wants a friend to talk with or needs support and kindness. We are all in this together even though we are apart and our situations may differ slightly. There is sort of a sisterhood in this. There are men out there that are abused, too. So, I do not mean to exclude them. They are always welcome as well.
Thanks for the friendship and kindness all.
Amanda
For a long time I thought that I was the problem in the relationship. I thought that if I could just fix myself and my problems that the relationship would work and he would treat me with love and kindness. I was wrong. Each time I worked harder, went for therapy, or tried to fix myself he upped the ante and found more wrong with me. People warned me that he was being abusive. I didn't see it. I always said to them, "But you can't see how things really are. If I didn't do (fill in the blank), he wouldn't act this way. They just shook their heads at me and I ended up feeling even worse. I felt like I was in a fog. I couldn't understand why they just didn't see that I was to blame. Well, I now know they couldn't see I was to blame because I wasn't.
I couldn't see until about the last 6 months how serious of a predicament I was in. It was the hardest thing I've ever done to leave. I always made excuses why I had to stay. I feared leaving because I feared how hard it would be to leave. What I didn't realize is that it was even harder to stay there.
I lost a big part of myself and toward the end of the relationship I lost all of myself. I lived to make him happy and keep the peace and keep the relationship no matter what. It took a lot of mental and emotional preparation to leave, but I did and am better off for it.
Many angels here at DS helped me after I left the relationship. I was looking for support after I left from other abused women and stumbled across DS. I continually learn about myself each day and grow from that. I would love the opportunity to talk with anyone that wants a friend to talk with or needs support and kindness. We are all in this together even though we are apart and our situations may differ slightly. There is sort of a sisterhood in this. There are men out there that are abused, too. So, I do not mean to exclude them. They are always welcome as well.
Thanks for the friendship and kindness all.
Amanda
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Reply #1 07/15/08 7:51pm
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Reply #2 07/15/08 9:42pm
i hope my experience will help ,my name is leslie,,,i have had 2 abusive marriages.....the process of leaving is so painful,,,the key is to learn to love your self,,,and not to blame your self...and get organized ,,,..the da"s office and their advocate program has taught me so much...advocates for domestic violence {ADV} mentoring program,,,first saw me as a shaking,,,almost unable to speak mess of crying and guilt...AFTER A MONTH OR SO OF WARM LOVING PEOPKLE on my side,,i stopped shaking ,,,i would like to help in so many ways,,,,i have found a good way of gathering material and information, ie...necessary personal records,,and information u will need to prepare for a divorce,,or building a new life,,and getting the hell out of the abusive environment.....keeping records is so necessary,,,haveing a filing system,,and reference list so you can get your information will help with the stress....,,i want to teach you how to do this...it is a lonley time ,,,when you discover there is no hope,,,,i was successful in getting a conviction for mr.abuser,,,there are things you need to know if you want to take that route....there is a network here for you,,i wish i had one when i was being hurt mentally and physically....../i want to make your pain a little easier to take,,to develope a plan to keep stress to a minimum..i wish i could take away some of your pain,,,maybe i can ease some of your stress,,,till then...........leslie -
Reply #3 07/15/08 11:58pm
i am sorry i thought this was a everyone bio page,,,i read the topic too fast.......... -
Reply #4 07/23/08 1:03pm
Thank you alsobella for posting :)
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