34hope

Feeling Sad

Posted on 07/05/08, 11:49 am

Well I found out that the OW doesn't have a son. Just three girls. However, I just had to kiss my son goodbye so that he can go on a family vacation with the OW, her three children and my ex to Long Island where he grew up. I am just so sad. We should be going to Long Island with our son. We never took family vacations. He never tried at the marriage. He called me names and made me feel like shit. I just get so hurt and angry that this stupid son of a bitch gets to walk away and create a life with someone else. I know that I deserve better. I don't know. I'm just really sad. Any words of encouragement or advice would be great. I'm just sad and I can't stop crying.

• Reply #1 07/05/08  12:43pm
  
  DSFan
  Hang in there. we are all going through the ripple effects of our selfish ex's. it is easy for them to walk out of people's lives because they only care about themselves. They live in their own worlds. unfortunately we have to live in reality. you do deserve better. he will probably do the same things to her as he did to you. You are a great mother and have to be strong for you son. you are strong. you can do this. (((hugs)))
• Reply #2 07/05/08  5:41pm
  
  34hope
  Thank you for reminding me that they are selfish. It's just that in a perfect world it should be my ex and I sharing a family vacation with our son. It still makes me mad that he just walked away from everything without ever trying and goes on to do things that I would have loved to do with this woman. It's also hard when all I hear about this woman is that she is not the best person in the world. Oh well. I am trying to get out and forget about this and focus on me.
• Reply #3 07/05/08  11:26pm
  
  gcnsmom
  I know it feels like it should be you and him and your son trust me I am there myself. All I want to say to you is that you are a beautiful, wonderful person who has nothing but the best to give someone when the time is right. Lots of love and hugs to you.
• Reply #4 07/06/08  2:58am
  
  fatallove
  I struggle with that too. My stbx does so many things with his gf that I would have loved to do with him but he never asked and when he left complained that I never did those things with him! Irony. He recently took y kids to Hawaii where we grew up and met and I was absolutely heartbroken. It was supposed to be a family vacation but they went without me and our newborn daughter. The OW didn't go thank goodness but I was still hurt that I wasn't going to be there to show my kids where we met, where we went to school, where we hung out, our houses, etc. It's so hard to think about the stbx, the OW and my kids!!! It breaks my heart every time I hear they did anything together.
  
  I try to tell myself that no matter how much it hurts, they are going to have their memories together but that doesn't mean I can't make my own memories with my kids. No matter what I do the sadness that he's not there is always around, and it totally sucks, but rather than sit and feel miserable, I'm trying to give my kids memories they won't forget with me. We were wronged, but we have to keep our chin up and remember that they may have some good times right now, but in the long run, they are going to get what they deserve.
• Reply #5 07/06/08  11:06am
  
  34hope
  I really know how you feel fatallove. I always wanted to take our son to Disney. My ex is such a downer. He would always complains about corporate America and told me that he would never go to Disney. Well as soon as he got with this OW he took our son and 2 of her 3 children and went to Disney with them. I was so hurt. I keep telling myself that I will go to Disney with my son when he is ready for the experience. He was only 3 when he went and doesn't really recall the it. So I tell my son that we are going to Disney when he is either 6 or 7. Old enough to really enjoy the experience. However, these "family" trips are painful for me and my son. Even though my ex is engaged to this woman they live in different states. We live in NY and she lives in Indiana. Therefore, the children are not around one another all that much and there is a big question as to whether they will actually marry. My son is not even aware that Kelley (OW) is daddy's fiancee. Sorry for rambling but it is amazing that these people just walk away and do everything that you wanted to do but with another person. I really try to concentrate on the moments that I have control over and try to be the best mom that I can be. It's just that I would like an apology or something from my ex. I know I'll never get it and that's why I'm trying to move on. Rather than sit and feel sorry for myself I am reaching out to people and keeping busy. This vacation is a little bit better to deal with than Disney. It just sucks because my ex created this situation. He has not been a very honest and forthright person to me and still continues to lie to me. It's just hard to move on when there are young children involved. He will be in my life for the next fourteen years or so and if he does marry this woman I will have to figure out how to deal with that. Sorry for the rambling. Just trying to make sense of it all still after two years of being apart.
• Reply #6 07/09/08  12:20am
  
  lilgost
  {{{{HUGS}}}} hang in there. Something/one will be right around the corner for you soon. He isnt worth the pain. I know it still hurts even knowing that. My ex didnt like asking for time off for the family, but he never had a problem asking for time off for himself and that thing he was screwing around with. Now that we are not together, he has no problems asking for time off to do little things with the kids.. it is no longer easy on him.. on his weekends he HAS to be with them, there is no one to take care of them when he doesn't feel like it anymore.
• Reply #7 07/09/08  9:24am
  
  danyellet
  Just remember a jerk will always be a jerk. They all will eventually go back to their old ways. That is what I think anyway. My x never wanted to do anything as a family. Now with each new girlfriend he has he has to put on a show and go do things. Then it stops until he is on to the new girlfriend. My kids have fun doing things with their dad and who ever it happens to be. My feelings dont really matter as long as my kids are safe and are having fun. I agree with the last advice when they said just think about the fun times in the past and the ones yet to come with your kids. That should help a little.

This is a place where you can share what you want and be heard. I hope we can all grow and learn how strong we are. In the beginning we are shattered. This group will help us all learn we have a voice and we are not going to let anyone tell us who we are and what we are supposed to be or believe. Join us in venting crying encouraging yelling educating and telling our stories to one another.