jlynneW

Can you help me understand?

Posted on 07/06/08, 12:05 pm

I am an educator. I work in a middle school and I am heterosexual. I am also Christian. I want to be able to nurture and support all of my students including those who are homosexual. It is not my desire to belittle anyone for the lives that they live and I am trying to be more sensitive. It is not my desire to live anyone else's life for them.

I recently had a male student who was being harrassed by another male student. I overheard the harrasser say that he and his buddies were going to pull a train on the other guy. The harrasser was sexually abused by a man at a very young age. He saw this act as an aggressive act rather than a sexual act. The harrasser isn't homosexual, but the boy who was being harrassed is.

I had the principal remove the harrasser from my class. I talked to the other boy and asked him if he was okay. He said he was fine. He told me that he gets threats like this all the time. This made me want to cry. He is such a wonderful kid and it kills me to think that he has to endure this because he is homosexual.

Can anyone help me reach students in our school that are homosexual and from discrimination? I don't understand really understand homosexuality, but I do understand that no one deserves to be harrassed and belittled.

• Reply #1 07/06/08  4:23pm
  
  margobaby
  well, i would tell them to join a site like this because it has really helped me alot
  
  2. treat them just like any ohter student
  3. tell them to connect and befriend other homosexuals...once i became friends with other homosexuals at my school it opened up almost like a whole new world for me bc they know what its like they know how to help when the goings get tough
• Reply #2 07/11/08  7:31am
  
  jlynneW
  Is being homosexual at school really tough? If so, what makes it difficult and how can teachers help? Do the kids give you a hard time? Do you ever feel that the teachers don't respect you? It seems to me that being a lesbian is much more acceptable to the younger group than being male and homosexual. Is that your experience too?
• Reply #3 07/13/08  6:02pm
  
  margobaby
  well, being homosexual at school can be extremely tough, but it really varies from day to day. I had a class this past school year and i really didn't enjoy it at all because 90% of kids in that class were against homosexuality. However my first hour class everyone was cool with it and actually me and 2 of my friends were in it together and we're all homosexuals so we had alot of fun in that class. Teachers help by stopping negative attitudes by explaining that homophobia and negative behaviors and jokes about homosexuality can be very offensive to some students.
  
  I have noticed that gays and lesbians are often discriminated upon equally where i'm at. However, i see more lesbian negativity because there are a greater amount of lesbians at my school and only 6 or 7 gay guys compared to the 12-15 lesbians
  
  
• Reply #4 07/13/08  9:31pm
  
  jlynneW
  Thanks for your help. I have told a couple of teachers that I have joined a chat room (not which chat room) where I can ask candid questions of teenage homosexuals for advice on how to make school life more fulfilling. I also have another motivation. I believe that my stepdaughter is homosexual and "in the closet." I am afraid that she feels that I would be unaccpeting of her sexuality and therefore hides it. It makes me sad (if it is the case) that she might feel that she had to hide her true self from me. I love her very much and that wouldn't change if she were an axe-murder! She is the most wonderful teenager I have ever known. She makes me want to call my mother up and apologize for all the hell I put her through.
  
  Have you come out to your family? If so, how old where you and when did you know that you were homosexual?
• Reply #5 07/15/08  3:11pm
  
  Alex89
  im happy that ther are some ppl that do care . well this my opnion hun , u can start a GSA{gay straight alliance} in ur skool , which u have to get approve by the principle but yeah . its a group that helps heteral and gays understand wat homesexuality is , and how hard is like coming otu and all that . like it gives info that helps others understand that homosexuality is not a deformaty like they think .you know i have the number for the hotline that can help u organized the group and tells u step by step.
  
  welll like margo said its half and half , but mostly they accept les or bi female than gays and bi males .
  
  Im happy that u care bout ur stepdaughter like that . i wish everybody could be caring like u .
  
  i have come out to some of my family {my mom ,sis , some aunts, some cousins , and and in skool im out so yea .but im afraid to come out to my dad cuz im latino , and like mostly all hispanic culture guys ahve pride and like my dad he will literaly kill me if he finds out that his only son likes guys . so yea. i alwaysfelt different than other "norm" boys , then like 2 years ago i started having those thoughts , u know ... but at first i didnt wanted to accepted cuz like i felt that i was disgrace but later on i found out that is normal to be bi gay or les or trans .so i started coming out wen i was 14 but i had the thoughts 13 i think im going to be 15 in couple months .its hard though cuz for the gay community we r always discriminated , and put down just cuz of sexuality , they dont want to understand that we r still humans no matter and that nobody is perfect . its a hard journey coming out but wen u come it feel like a relief cuz u dont have to keep on pretending to be somebody that ur not
• Reply #6 07/23/08  12:17pm
  
  margobaby
  well i came out only about 5 months ago, but i've always questioned myself. Like my moms boss is a lesbian and i would always kind of wonder what if i was a lesbian, and what would it be like to have sex with a girl, i think i want to be with another girl.
  
  So i've always kind of had a thing for girls, but didn't want to face that it was something i can't deny and i can't change my feelings no matter what guy i date. I dated guys up until just a few months ago and no guy ever made me feel special, no guy ever gave me butterflies like i get when i'm with a girl.
  
  anyways:
  
  so 5 months ago my best friend came out to me that she was dating another one of our friends, and i got really really jealous of our other friend but i hid that from my best friend (which now happens to be my gf lol) so then i couldn't handle not telling her that i too was a lesbian because i wasn't even able to act or think strait anymore because for some reason i just had to tell someone that i was a lesbian...not that i was jealous of my friends relationship, i wouldn't do that to them. so one day i was at the barn and me and my other friend were just sitting there watching my current gf and everyone else have their lesson (we had been drinking a little bit the night before and i was just too sick to ride in the lesson lol) well me and haley were talking as they were riding and i was like Haley i'm gay. and shes like oh really and i'm like yes. so then about 2 days later i came out to my best friend (which is my gf now lol) and shes like Igglee (thats what they call me) I would love you if you were gay, strait, or even a hobo and nothing will change that. so then i started to tell all my friends that i was a lesbian and they were all cool with it. so then my sisters found out somehow and told my mom. well my mom approached me and eventually she was cool with it. well my cousin found out and told the entire family (grandma, aunts etc) well so far everyone seems to be fine with it and no one has judged me or my gf and we are all doing great!
• Reply #7 07/28/08  1:07pm
  
  jlynneW
  Did you think that your family would accept your sexuality when you were debating whether or not to come out? margobaby I think that sometimes, kids don't understand how much their parents and family love them. Eventhough it may be hard, being yourself with the people you love the most is important. Most parents would gladly die in the place of their children, let alone except a lifestyle that they don't agree with. Part of growing up means that the child (becoming an adult) will have to make decisions for him or herself. It is likely that a parent won't agree with many of those choices, but they will have to respect the right to choose their own way in life.
  
  Also, Alex89, is your family Catholic? I am not Catholic, but I am Christian and I understand that there are passages in the bible that are against homosexuality. However, those passages are usually against many other things as well. Many of these things are accepted daily - like remarriage (I have been divorced and remarried), etc. I understand what you mean about Latino male pride. I have noticed this in the students that I work with. It is the same with African-American males and their fathers. There is an immense respect for the mothers and a fear of the fathers. Am I right? Is that how it is for you?
• Reply #8 07/29/08  5:52pm
  
  margobaby
  I did always wonder what my family would think and i think thats what made me hesitate to come out of the closet but then i just couldn't handle the pain of unhappiness and the desire to be with another woman that i just had to tell someone. Thank goodness however my family has taken it exceptionally well and it gets better and better each day!
• Reply #9 07/29/08  7:23pm
  
  Alex89
  no my family are christians but we havent gone to church in a while .{years}, yeah there is , wen i told my mom she wanted to tell my dad , cuz she was afraid if he found out that she knew that he will do something to her , welll i came out to my mom , her words hurt me bad , the pain is still engrave in my heart , as it was yesterday .she told me clearly wen i came out to her , "ur a disappointment to me as a son , i dont think ill ever considered u as my child anymore " but the way she said it was augh ,but like its my life , i know god made me like this not for punishment but for me to learn to love myself , and love life but in a different kind of life . everyday we r learning to become better ppl .she finaly accepted but sometimes she still thinks its just a phase , but who cares something is something
• Reply #10 08/05/08  1:46am
  
  LilWonder
  That's good that you are understanding. Not a lot of people especially those who are religious accept what they don't know or understand. They do however judge without reason and can never look passed the outside. A lot seem to forget that no matter what people look on the out there are some kind, caring people on the inside. My dad is Catholic and hates the fact that I am bisexual. He thinks it's a phase and that it'll go away. But I've been bi for a little over 10 years now. I doubt it's going to change. My mother doesn't mind it at all, she loves me for me and I am grateful to have her as my mother. In school it's very hard but at my old school two girls got expelled for kissing. It was stupid and last I checked we were all free and equal. Well where's the equality when it comes to marriage and just being able to be ourselves. It may not be the way of God or Jesus but why base our life on a book? Not that I'm discriminating anyone's religion or anything like that. How can the US claim to be free and of equallity when in reality it really isn't.

this is a group for teens that are proud of who they are and that would love to meet new people