eastwester

Step Three--Working the step

Posted on 07/13/08, 04:51 pm

Some questions you might want to consider in working Step Three. (taken from NA Step Working Guide)
---Why is making a decision central to working this step?
---Can I make this decision just for today? Do I have any fears or reservations about it? What are they?
---What action have I taken to follow through on my decision?
---What areas of my life are difficult for me to turn over? Why is it important that I turn them over anyway?
---How have I acted on self-will? What were my motives?
---How has acting on self-will affected my life?
---How has my self-will affected others?
---Will pursuing my goals harm anyone? How?
---In the pursuit of what I want, is it likely that I will end up doing something that adversely affects myself or others? Explain.
---Will I have to compromise any of my principles to achieve this goal?(For example: Will I have to be dishonest? Cruel? Disloyal?)
---Describe the times when my will hasn't been enough.
---What is the difference between my will and God's will?
---Have there been times in my recovery when I find myself subtly taking back my will and my life? What alerted me? What have I done to re-commit myself to the Third Step?
---Does the word "God", or even the concept itself, make me uncomfortable? What is the source of my discomfort?
---Have I ever believed that God caused horrible things to happen to me or was punishing me? What were those things?
---What is my understanding of a power greater than myself today?
---How is my Higher Power working in my life?
---How do I communicate with my Higher Power?
---How does my Higher Power communicate with me?
---What feelings do I have about my Higher Power?
---Am I struggling with changing beliefs about the nature of my Higher Power? Describe.
---Is my current concept of a Higher Power still working? How might it need to change?
---What does "to the care of" mean to me?
---What does it mean for me to turn my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding?
---How might my life be changed if I make a decision to turn it over to my Higher Power's care?
---How do I allow my Higher Power to work in my life?
---How does my Higher Power care for my will and my life?
---Have there been times when I have been unable to let go and trust God to care for the outcome of a particular situation? Describe.
---Have there been times when I HAVE been able to let go and trust God for the outcome? Describe.
---How do I take action to turn it over? Are there any words I say regularly? What are they?
---What am I doing to reinforce my decision to allow my Higher Power to care for my will and my life?
---How does the Third Step allow me to build on the surrender I've developed in Steps One and Two?
---In what ways have I demonstrated willingness in my recovery so far?
---Am I fighting anything in my recovery? What do I think would happen If I became willing to let recovery prevail in that area of my life?
---How have hope, faith, and trust become positive forces in my life?
---What further action can I take to apply the principles of hope, faith, and trust in my recovery?
---What evidence do I have that I can trust confidently in my recovery?
---Do I have any reservations about my decision to turn my will and my life over to God's care?
---Do I feel that I am now ready to turn it over?
---How does my surrender in the First Step help me in the Third Step?
---What action do I plan to take to follow through on my decision? How does working the remainder of the steps fit into this?

• Reply #1 07/24/08  11:11am
  
  Moyer
  Step# 3 - made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Power of our own understanding.
  Lots of questions to answer here. I'm going to begin...
  ---Why is making a decision central to working this step?--- Perhaps because it can't be a decision to be taken lightly, in other words, when turning over our will and our lives to the care of our HP, there is no half way of doing it. There is a true commitment involved.
  ---Can I make this decision just for today? Do I have any fears or reservations about it? What are they?--- Yes, I can make this decision just for today. Today I have no fears or reservations about my decision, in the past, I believe, I may have, but I'm not too worried about the past. And I'm not too worried about tomorrow...so, yes, I can make this decision just for today, without fears or reservations.
  ---What action have I taken to follow through on my decision?--- I'm praying on a daily basis, I'm letting go of things I have no control over, I'm using my courage to change the things I can.
  ---What areas of my life are difficult for me to turn over? Why is it important that I turn them over anyway?---
  I have a problem turning over my emotions to my HP, it's as if I feel my emotions cannot be changed, or maybe shouldn't be changed. I just know, deep down inside, I'm having a problem letting go of the way my emotions have treated me and the way I have treated them. It's important that I not fear turning over emotions I don't even understand, to my HP, because it's not something I should hold on to out of fear.
  :)
  That's all I got time for today...
• Reply #2 07/31/08  2:57pm
  
  Moyer
  Step# 3 - made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Power of our own understanding.
  I feel as if I need to work on my steps. Things have been a little bit strange in my life since I've quit smoking. That's all in my journal. I guess I'm saying this because I want others to understand I believe working on my steps can only help me. Using my courage to answer these questions as honestly as I can will only help me, doing this cannot hurt me. The 12 Steps are a beautiful road map, to be taken on a beautiful journey, to a healthier way of thinking and living. So I will take the time today to answer some questions, because I know this can only help me.
  ---How have I acted on self-will? What were my motives?--- In the past I kept my real feelings bottled up inside. It was important to me to be seen as strong & independent. I never liked being told what to do, so I had to have something in my life that was a secret, for some reason I still don't understand, it's just how I see my "self-will" coming into play. Something only I was in control of, a deep, dark secret...gambling. My motives for feeling the need to live a double life were, what? I don't know? I was covering up a fear inside, a fear of being rejected, laughed at, pitied, hurt, made fun of, dismissed at nothing...fear was my motive, I suppose.
  ---How has acting on self-will affected my life?--- Acting on my self-will has led to my self destruction. I was afraid to ask for help in areas of my life where I needed it the most. Areas I neglected for too long, areas I didn't understand. My self-will led me to self hatred, a place I never want to be again in my life.
  ---How has my self-will affected others?--- My self-will has caused me to put up barriers where others are concerned. I feel others see me as unapproachable, or maybe fragile, in some cases. Maybe my self-will, this seems to be a tough subject for me. hmmmmm
• Reply #3 08/04/08  9:57am
  
  Moyer
  ---Will pursuing my goals harm anyone? How?---
  I don't believe pursuing my current goals will harm anyone. My goals in the past weren't healthy ones, so I'm positive they did harm others. How? Well, in ways, one of my goals in life was to be as hard on myself as possible. I over thought everything and made everything harder then it had to be. Today I'm working on keeping things simple, and that's not a simple goal! Just kidding around a bit! lol I've quit smoking since I've quit gambling, that was a goal I didn't think I'd ever be ready to face. And here I am doing it, and staying away from that 1st bet. Not bad goals :)
  ---In the pursuit of what I want, is it likely that I will end up doing something that adversely affects myself or others? Explain.---
  I want to stay in recovery for the rest of my life. I don't think that will adversely affect anyone, well, maybe the casinos, but ya' know what? They don't need my money, and the cigarette companies don't need my money either, they'll all stay in business without me. I know my recovery is for me, I know that. But it seems to pour over into all areas of my life in a positive manner, and that can't be a bad thing.
  ---Will I have to compromise any of my principles to achieve this goal?(For example: Will I have to be dishonest? Cruel? Disloyal?)---
  No, oh no, I will not have to hurt myself or anyone else to stay in recovery. It is work. I'm pretty sure some people think I'm going through some phase, or that I'm all excited about a no-brainer better way of life, like who doesn't know there is a healthier way of living...duh?... No, I don't think I'll hurt anyone as a result of my being in recovery. The concept of changing what I don't like about myself is a new one for me, it's exciting and I love it!
  ---Describe the times when my will hasn't been enough---
  When I was out there gambling my will was cruel. No matter how many times I told myself to stop gambling, my will wasn't enough to achieve that goal. I had to hide behind so many masks to make it though the day, my will wore those masks. There were so many things I wanted to do and wanted to try, but my will wouldn't allow me the freedom to explore any new avenues in life. My will held me prisoner.
  ---What is the difference between my will and God's will?---
  My will held me prisoner. God's will set me free.
  ---Have there been times in my recovery when I find myself subtly taking back my will and my life? What alerted me? What have I done to re-commit myself to the Third Step?---
  Yes, there have been times where I felt myself slipping back to my old ways of coping in my life. It's not necessarily anything one thing that alerts me to the fact that this is happening, it's a feeling that my life is slipping out of control, like it use to, and I don't like this feeling. So what do I do? Well, I pray. I say the Serenity Prayer and sit quietly for a while to sort through why I'm slipping back to my old coping mechanisms. Usually, I find, it's out of fear I go back to what is familiar, not that those old coping mechanisms will ever work. Then I pray some more. I'm so happy to be able to turn things I don't understand over to my HP :)
  ---Does the word "God", or even the concept itself, make me uncomfortable? What is the source of my discomfort?---
  The word "God" has only made me uncomfortable when I've felt someone is trying to push their beliefs on me and to criticize my opinion of who my "God" is. The source of my discomfort comes from not wanting to be judged by others because I don't believe exactly the same things they do, and I don't want to have to defend myself on the subject of "God".
  ---Have I ever believed that God caused horrible things to happen to me or was punishing me? What were those things?---
  I don't think I ever believed it was God that was punishing me, but I know I felt unworthy of Love. I believe I just blamed myself for not being a better person, and I believed if I tried really hard I could get closer to perfect on my own. I believed in a power greater than myself (God), but I didn't believe God could help me. I thought I was on my own. Sad, but true. Today I'm clinging to my HP for the support I need to live a healthier way of life, and I'm happy to be doing that.
  ---What is my understanding of a power greater than myself today?---
  It is my understanding that I cannot do everything in my life on my own, that I need to ask for help when I'm not sure about what to do. It is also my understanding that my HP can do these things I cannot do, take care of these things that I cannot take care of. I only need to be willing to accept this help, and I am.
  ---How is my Higher Power working in my life?---
  My HP is bringing to light the beauty that has always been around me, showing me the little miracles I use to miss,or maybe consider coincidences. My HP is teaching me to have faith and hope in somethng or someone greater than myself. My HP is teaching me that I don't need to do, nor can I do, everything on my own. When I need guidance I now go to my HP with faith and hope and a new knowledge that I am eternally grateful for. Amen.
  And that is a nice place to stop my written 12 Step work for today. Answering these q's isn't always easy for me, but they always make me think a bit more about where I am in my recovery today. I like that :)
• Reply #4 08/20/08  1:20pm
  
  Moyer
  ---How do I communicate with my Higher Power?---
  Prayer & Meditation
  ---How does my Higher Power communicate with me?---
  Through my serenity, through my peace of mind. Then also, through my pain & sorrow. I believe my HP is always communicating with me, and that it's always been up to me to listen. In the past my heart was closed and I didn't listen to my HP, it's not that my HP wasn't communicating with me, it was me, I wasn't listening. I'm so glad to be listening today :) Heart wide open here...
  ---What feelings do I have about my Higher Power?---
  I have feelings of love for my HP, I have feelings of gratitude for my HP and I have feelings of awe for my HP.
  ---Am I struggling with changing beliefs about the nature of my Higher Power? Describe.---
  hmmmm...I don't think so... I've always believed in God, nothing has ever changed that. Or is this q in regards to me believing that my HP could HELP me...maybe, in the past, I doubted that God could HELP me change, or HELP me at all. I don't feel that way any longer.
  ---Is my current concept of a Higher Power still working? How might it need to change?---
  Yes, my current concept of a HP is still working for me. How might it need to change? Ummmm....I don't think my concept of my HP needs to change at all... the only change that I can see needing to take place, is in me...like I might need to rely on my HP more than I am...but my love and trust are growing one day at a time, so I don't want to rush anything.
  ---What does "to the care of" mean to me?---
  "to the care of" = trusting that my HP can take care of me, that my HP has always taken care of me, and will continue to take care of me
  ---What does it mean for me to turn my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding?---
  To me, it meant letting go of the notion that I could handle everything in my life, and in my loved ones life's. I had to stop believing that my will was the only will in this life. I think the Serenity Prayer explains the answer to this q for me.
  ---How might my life be changed if I make a decision to turn it over to my Higher Power's care?---
  By turning my life over to my HP's care, I believe I will find a new sense of love and peace in my life.
  ---How do I allow my Higher Power to work in my life?---
  Through prayer, trust and faith. Also, by keeping an open mind and by changing my train of thought if I find myself becoming judgmental or jealous of others.
  ---How does my Higher Power care for my will and my life?---
  I'll tell you what...my HP is doing a beautiful job of caring for my will and my life. I'm actually learning to like myself, which in turn helps me to like others. I'm even learning to love myself, and loving myself works the same way as liking myself. I'm being kinder to myself, ditto for others. My HP is cradling me in love, and for this I am grateful.
  ---Have there been times when I have been unable to let go and trust God to care for the outcome of a particular situation? Describe.---
  Yes, there have been times, during my recovery so far, where I've slipped back into my old way of thinking and find myself worrying over the outcome of situations I have no control over. Many times, actually... But these times are reminders, I'm catching myself more often, and turning my worries over to my HP. An example would be going to a doctor's appt...me...worry, worry, worry... I know I have no power over what the test results will be on tests, yet I worry, worry & worry some more. These are times when I remember I don't have to waste my time worrying over things I have no control over.
  ---Have there been times when I HAVE been able to let go and trust God for the outcome? Describe.---
  Yes, one example that flew into my mind is when my mom was sick and going to die. I turned it all over to the care of my HP. I can't tell you how grateful I was to be in recovery during this time in her life and mine.
  So very, very grateful.
  
  And this is a good place for me to stop, on this list of questions, for today.
  
  
  
• Reply #5 08/22/08  1:15am
  
  Auzgurl
  Making this decision to give over my life and my addiction to my Higher Power was so important, until then it was all about me - I couldn't handle this - willpower alone wasn't enough- I was failing.
  Today with His strength and guidance he has given me a willingness and an openness to change and to accept the things I can't - even to the point of buying THAT size jeans that I really don't want to be - but does it matter? NO Today I am beginning to accept the things I cannot change - beginning to love myself and embrace the me I am - not be constantly self critical - this is huge. It hasn't happened before. It gives me a new found respect for myself. If I love myself I have the ability to flow that love onto others - where does this love come from- GOD. As I understand him. Thank you God

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