eastwester

on a daily basis.....

Posted on 04/23/08, 02:57 am

Have we stopped searching for reasons and causes of our gambling problem and started to deal with the problem on a daily basis? What does this question mean to you? How does it relate to your own recovery program? Do you work your program on a daily basis? Why / Why not?

• Reply #1 04/23/08  9:39am
  
  Sandie000
  I cannot pin-point a reason for my gambling problem besides that fact that I am a gambling addict. I'm sure there are many, many things that brought me to this point, but right now, I find those reasons useless because many of them were excuses to feed my addiction. I am totally aware of my gambling problem. I must be aware of it so I can do the right things to keep me from gambling on a daily basis. If I did not confront my problem I might let my guard down and fall victim to my addiction. I know there is no such thing as placing one bet....I know it will lead to disaster...I know I cannot stop once I start. I know I have to stay gamble free one day at a time. Today, with the help from my Lord, I choose not to gamble. Sandie Last bet 02/24/2008.
• Reply #2 04/24/08  10:31am
  
  KenL
  When I first stopped gambling I was so messed up that I needed the support of GA and as well was very fortunate to be able to go away for treatment in a 28 day in-patient program. There I was able to share things from my childhood and life that I had kept secert for over 40 years.Things that had happen to me as a child I had no control over but still thought they were my fault and I was to blame. But today I have shared these things and I no longer have to try and escape from them.Realize now that I had no control over what happen but I have control over how I deal with them.
  I try to follow the 12 Steps in my day to day life and when I see that I am starting to fall back into my old habits usually share with my sponspor or another GA member. I have heard that stopping gambling is only 15 percent of the problem. The other 85 percent is making changes in one's life. Character deflects old habits and how I react to things.So each day I try to be aware of this and if I make a mistake I try to admitt it and move on. One of the biggest things I have to keep in mind is to not hold resentments. One Day At A Time I am getting better at this. Not perfect but better.
  Heard this saying that I like to remember
  A Joy Shared Is Doubled And A Sorrow Shared Is Halved.
  So Whether things are Joyful or Sorrowful in my life if I share them my surroundings become more comfortable.
  
  Ken L GRCG ODAAT
  
• Reply #3 04/24/08  10:12pm
  
  TJO
  Do I work on my program on a daily basis? Yes there isn't a moment that goes by that I dont think of gambling. I do let it get the best of me some days. I am not trying to figure out why I gamble, I am just trying to figure out how not to gamble.
• Reply #4 04/24/08  11:08pm
  
  DianneE
  At this point, asking why why why me is not important to me. What is first important to me is stopping the progress of this insanity and getting enough clarity to get my life out of crisis mode and then....maybe sometime in the future, I'll understand more of the why. If not, I'm OK with that at this point.
  
  Right now my program is coming here and to safe harbor and journeling and reading and commenting and chatting with others who inspire me. That I do everyday. I don't think I should ever skip a day from this in the forseeable future. Knowing myself, one day would lead to two, which would lead to more, and I would slowly lose track of the momentum I'm building here. Almost certainly, a relapse would follow.
  
  I tend to be all-or-nothing. Either I'm doing something or I'm not. Maybe recovery will mellow that, but for now, I have to work with me as I am. I hope to see my self and the life that comes from that self evolve in the years to come.
• Reply #5 04/25/08  12:08am
  
  eastwester
  On several occasions, over the course of my recovery, I've failed to attend meetings, keep in touch, work my program on a daily basis. Sometimes this was because of work or other commitments, sometimes it was because I felt I'd be OK without it, and sometimes simply because I was too lazy to keep up my commitment to recovery.
  Without fail, every time I did this, I suffered because of my choice. I was fine for a while, but soon I'd find myself angry, holding resentments, fantasy took over from reality, I went on mental excursions into the past and into the future. Soon, I'd find myself isolating, withdrawing from people, holding in my feelings, living in a dream world of fears and scenarios and imaginings. Not a nice place, not safe, not comfortable, not someplace where I could remain......often, it led to me being back out there gambling, trying to escape the discomfort, hide from reality, "fix" the problem with "the big win". Of course, as we all know, that did not work....it only made things worse.
  Eventually, through all the pain and confusion and misery, I finally accepted the truth of my addiction. I am a compulsive gambler. I cannot gamble as other people do. I do not need to know why, all I need to know is that this is true. My addiction has pounded me to my knees often enough, and with enough power, to make this clearly evident to me. Surrendering to the fact of my addiction is no longer an issue with me. I cannot control my gambling, and I cannot stop gambling without help.
  Each and every day, I must do some type of work, to maintain my recovery. There are many choices available to me. Journalling, reading literature about recovery and addiction, prayer and meditation, calling my sponsor, sponsee, or other friend in recovery, attending meetings, reading commenting and helping others here on DS, dropping in to chat at Safe Harbor, applying the 12 steps to problems and situations in my daily life, reaching out to others- carrying the message.......but each day, I try to do something, or a few things.....it keeps me focused, keeps me aware of who and what I am, it keeps me on the right path.
  Why do I do this? Well, I have not gambled for a while now.....but I know what happens if I get complacent or overconfident.......my addiction will soon remind me that I'm not cured, I'm just gamble free for today, and the road of recovery runs in two directions. I choose forward, not backwards.
  
• Reply #6 04/25/08  2:07am
  
  Dracona
  i had to learn that it wasnt about the money, i had to learn to let go of what i had lost and to live with what i have and not think about all the things i could have had and move forward from the bottom up, and take the time, cause there would never be one more win to catch up. learning to not think if i could just get ahead i could stop. ive had to teach myself and to force myself to be calm and patient with myself when it came to this, cause if i couldnt beat it it always made me go back trying to beat it, trying to regain my self control, to walk away when i win, only spend x amount so on and so forth. i hated that feeling of not trusting myself, of total lack of control, i had to learn how to let that go, i didnt know how. i am still in the struggle. im having to learn that this will always be with me, an on going battle. that there will never be a day that i can control this. im learning day by day.
• Reply #7 05/02/08  1:53pm
  
  DonnaB23
  I agree that we have to work on our recovery every single day! When I slip up and don't do any journaling, 12 step reading or spiritual study I know that I will slip up very quickly. I think that it has to do with staying tuned in with our Higher Power...as we come to depend on the Higher Power more he aids us in our decision to stop gambling.
• Reply #8 07/05/08  11:28pm
  
  traymac
  i feel that i"vetried and failed and tried and failed i know the reasons and causes but i seem to keep failing some times i work the program some times i dont i just wish i could get it right for once instead of failing all the time trac mac boyfreind
• Reply #9 07/07/08  3:51pm
  
  Moyer
  I flat out don't care why I gambled anymore. I tormented myself trying to figure that one out while I was out there...why me, I wondered? I hated myself for not being able to control my addiction, so I looked for reasons, excuses, justifications, to no avail. I'm a compulsive gambler and I know there is no cure. I also know there is such a thing as recovery. I'm grateful to understand that I can stay in recovery and live a better life. Dwelling on why I gambled comes to close to dwelling on the excuses and justifications I use to focus on when I was out there. The bottom line for me today is, it doesn't matter why I thought I was out there feeding my addiction, it was me doing it. I not only work my program on a daily basis, I live my program on a daily basis. One day at a time. It amazes me to think how I use to be, and how I am now. I'm beginning to know me! By working my program I have become stronger, happier and free! That's the benefits of living my program. Today I will not gamble. Today I will be kinder to myself than that. Today I will be kinder to others as a result of that.
• Reply #10 07/12/08  11:20am
  
  Makmarie
  Even early on in recovery, I didn't, and still don't to this day, question why I gambled. All that mattered was that when I gambled, my life was totally in a mess. Each day, I work my program, for myself, and by reaching out to others. I was disgusted with myself and the situation, and knew that I was the only one that could do something about it. By 'teaming up' with other CG in recovery, it keeps my focus on what I need to to for me. Keeping a vigilant and ever mindful 'eye' on how I feel, what I feel, how something is affecting me, so that I don't ever get out of the solution, and back into the problem....for me, that isn't an option....

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