columbusChris

preganat and not excited or happy

Posted on 08/17/08, 03:28 pm

I am about 8 weeks preganat and not happy or joyful about it. I am trying to shake the notion that my life is over and I will become a welfare case that lives with my mother forever. My boyfriend or fianace is happy my mom is happy but i don't want any one else to know b/c I also feel ashamed. I guess this is not how I pictured my life. My boyfriend and I are very much in love but too broke to get married even though we both agreed. I still live with my mom who from time to time drives me fucking crazy. I have not told my boss b/c I don't want them to act all ooh and aah and then I don't know if I will still have a job b/c it hasn't been a whole year.my boss is super cool and the whole team loves me and raves all the time about my work but you never know with people.

When it comes to money right now I have $5 dollars in my checking account and 75 in savings and about $3000 worth of debt. My boyfriend just started working his new job this week. I really love him but some of the choices he made in his past are delaying us now. He only makes $8 per hour, he just got into his field and this is all he could find for right now. I know in the future he will make more but I am still mad that it isn't more now. Basically I have nothing to be happy about b/c my whole life is going to change and I can't really afford it. I make $34000 per year but the way shit is now that's not covering all my stuff now. How is that going to cover a baby. I really want to move out of my moms house to get away and do things my way. But I can't, this baby is like an extra ball and chain.

What should I do? And don't give me that bullshit about it will work it self out!
Does anyone else feel this way? I can't have another abortion!
Whenever I see babies I get scared as hell!!!!

• Reply #1 08/17/08  8:24pm
  
  sarah1986
  If you cant have another abortion, there is always adoption. If you don't feel that you can take care of your baby, and especially if you feel that this is not for you, there are millions of loving, financially stable people who would love to have a child, but physically can't, so that's an option.
  
  I know it is scary and overwhelming. When I found out I was pregnant, I was working in a clothing store, and my boyfriend was unemployed. (And yes, I was living with my parents, who drive me nuts too) When I (Stupidly) confided in my boss, she fired me the next day. I don't want to scare you, but don't trust anyone at work, because it can happen to you to. Don't think that because they 'really like you' that you are safe. I was good friends with everyone there but they didn't hesitate to turn on me when I was in need.
  
  That being said, I wasn't finished my 3 months probation yet, and I now know better then to make such a stupid mistake, but I was freaking out inside and wanted to tell someone. I thought it was the end of the world, I thought my life was over. But like all bad things in life, it can't last forever.
  
  My boyfriend got a job, and he's been doing amazing there, he's not making as much as we would like, but every little bit helps. I eventually got a new job, again, not making as much as the other place but at least it's something. You are making just a little less then the two of us put together, but we laid out a budget and we're trying to stick to it. In two weeks we are moving into a gorgeous apartment that is a bit out of our range, but it's worth it. There's things you can do, get on the waiting list for subsidized housing NOW. Of course there will be sacrifices, but ALL good things in life require sacrifice.
  
  Mine is a COMPLETELY unplanned pregnancy, and although it was rough at first, my boyfriend and I couldn't imagine NOT becoming parents in four months. We are completely ecstatic about it, even if it wasn't that way to begin with. My only advice to you it to consider your options, and remember, it's NOT the end of the world!! Becoming a mom will be amazing, and worth every struggle in the end, IF that's what you decide you want.
  
  Wow I really didn't mean to go on for so long but your story just seemed so similar to mine. I'm here if you want to talk.
• Reply #2 08/19/08  12:26pm
  
  Lauracop19
  yeah i'm in your shoes...unplanned pregnancy.....didn't have an abortion, just wasn't for me...i have school loans about 65 grand worth that kick in in november, i make 12.50 an hour and i live with my parents. my partner isn't good with money so she can't really help me out with much of anything and she's living in ohio with her parents right now...lol so yeah i feel ya on the stress thing. big time. i dunno i'm nearing the end but i couldn't tell you if i'm excited or not any more, it comes and goes, mostly i'm just stressed and worried and nervous that i'll be that sterotype on welfare like you mentioned.......or that i wont be able to feed my baby or just all those things.......lol i guess i'm not really helping. i'm sorry.
  
  what i'm trying to say is if the right thing for you is to keep the baby and raise him her yourself rather than adoption than make the decision and just go forward and do what you have to do...welfare social security family 2 jobs whatever......you can do it if you set your mind to it. think of every crap job or annoying thing you have to do as just a stepping stone towards a better life for all of you.
  
  i know it can be overwhelming god do i know, but try not to let the enormity (is that a word?) of the situation bog you down, take it a step at a time.
• Reply #3 08/19/08  7:47pm
  
  columbusChris
  thanks guys this really helped. i don't feel so alone now. I'd luv to hear how things turn out fro the two of you. Stay in touch!
• Reply #4 10/19/08  11:36am
  
  nadiay
  This post is late. But I was ans still find myself being a little less then excited about it. Im 8 months and felt like I was gonna be a welfare case. The father is unemployed (starving musician) and it just me and the bills. But you'd be surprised where support comes from. My mother and grandmother have spent more money on this baby than they did for me!! I think sometimes we overreact and worry but thats a good thing cause it means we can fight the problem before we find ourselves in the middle of it.
• Reply #5 10/29/08  3:27pm
  
  AliCat09
  I'm in your boat as well. I also felt the same at the beginning of my pregnancy. I even tried to beat on my belly, but my fiance stopped me and helped me come to my senses thank goodness. Now that I've seen her face and can feel her move in time to music and everything I have truly fallen in love. I have ten dollars in my checking, zero in my savings, and also have about three grand of medical debt from previous lost pregnancies. It took me some time to truly believe that having a baby is not the "end of my life", but it's the beginning of a new exciting, happy, heart wrenching, challenging chapter in my life, and man do I love a challenge! You might want to set up an action plan for how you'll handle your finances after the birth of your child. I already have one all laid out. My fiance will work while I go to school, and after that he won't have to work, and I'll have a flexible enough career to home school (since we have both decided to go that route). We have also considered running his family's restaurant as an alternative so that we can have flexible schedules. Be creative, find your passion, and you'll know what to do. Just remember to stay organized and focused as much as humanly possible. You'll feel so much better when you feel those little kicks, I guarantee it! Just think about the concept itself. A little half version of you and the person you love most on this earth! A more perfect little you, and you are their whole world!
• Reply #6 10/29/08  3:38pm
  
  AliCat09
  Oh, and I forgot to mention that there are so many things you can do to cut costs with a new baby. Cloth diapers really make things more manageable financially, as does breastfeeding (formula is damn expensive and not so good for baby). I plan on being a stay at home mom with part time school on the side, daycare is really expensive, The money saved from daycare, cloth diapers, and exclusive breastfeeding is enough to where you wouldn't need to work. Food stamps are also a great option, and they could really help while you and your boyfriend get yourselves on your own feet. Don't be ashamed of using welfare temporarily, you pay sales tax, don't you? Plus, those programs are there to help you, not to lead you to become a dependent of the U.S. taxpayers. Which is why it's so important to use those programs to your advantage and pursue an education (there are also great programs for young mothers wanting to go back to school). Never give up on yourself!!!
• Reply #7 11/18/08  12:29am
  
  sunlightand...
  I was just curious why you "cant have an abortion"? Also I was wondering what your age is. I had an abortion at age 21 and it was the right thing for me then because I needed to finish school and begin graduate school, I could not afford a baby financially or emotionally then. Now 15 yrs later I am 36 yrs old and it is still a challenge, but I am much more ready emotionally and have a good job and my own home. So, I think you really need to think if you are EMOTIONALLY ready for the baby. Because if you are not, then you can feel resentment toward the child that can come out toward the baby and you can feel like the baby held back your opportunities, no matter how cute it is. I am a realist, so my response is not meant to be harsh but that you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else. I don't think you are selfish if you are not yet emotionally ready to care for someone elses life, i think people are smart if they can determine their own needs first. There is a time and a place for everything. Seriously put your own needs first, and then go from there. Also there is adoption, my brother and his wife at age 40 were finally ready for the responsibilities of parenthood and could not conceive on their own so adopted two children from two different women (one was not ready to be a mom, too young, and the other already had too many other children and could not care for another). So you could give another family who is ready a blessing. !!!

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