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Discussion Topic
She's Gone...
Posted on 06/18/08, 12:23 am
My friend Susan is gone - her battle is finished. I'm too sad and teary to write it again - please see my journal for more.
Thanks for the support through this - it's meant a lot to me.
Namaste.
Sue
Thanks for the support through this - it's meant a lot to me.
Namaste.
Sue
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Reply #1 06/18/08 9:32am
Prayers of strength and healing to you and her family. Gentle huggles... -
Reply #2 06/19/08 6:49am
I am so sorry Sue. -
Reply #3 06/19/08 9:14pm
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Sue. I can only imagine how painful this is, given your close kinship relationship with Susan. Many warm hugs, White Light, and healing energy surround you. Blessings to you. Susan is Home. She is back on the other side, in the Spirit World once more where we can join her one day. She has finished what she came here to do. She has learned the lessons she came to Earth School to learn. It is my belief that we are all on a similar path - some just finish up here soon and go back Home before us. I'm so grateful that part of your earth journey and part of Susan's allowed for each of you to share the time and space and lessons together than you have had. You are truly blessed.
Namaste,
Trish -
Reply #4 06/19/08 10:16pm
Thanks so much all of you - the support I've gotten from my DS friends has helped more than I can say. You can't "replace" one friend with another, but it is comforting to know so many people care. I never would have thought long-distance friendships could be so close and meaningful until I came here - you are all awesome. -
Reply #5 06/19/08 10:59pm
You have my sincerest sympathy Sue. I'm so sorry for your loss of a dear friend.
Suz -
Reply #6 06/20/08 12:51am
I'm so sorry, Sue. I know how much she meant to you. We should all be so lucky to have a friendship like the two of you shared.
Hugs,
Kim -
Reply #7 06/29/08 8:38pm
Hello beautiful friends,
Just a note to say I've been doing really well until today, and then something triggered the tears and now I can't stop. I think I've been playing at "being OK" when I should have just had a meltdown and gotten it over with. But there are responsibilities, and work, and life, and other than Jon, no one else new Susan, as she was my friend from my long-ago time in Al-Anon, and we pretty much kept to ourselves.
Most of my other friends are part of a group, and when I lost one of them I had the rest of the group to lean on. Susan stayed on in Al-Anon not only through her husband's long sobriety, but even after his death, because she felt a real call to give back to others the help she got when she needed it. I've not attended a meeting since sometime before 1991, when I left my alcoholic (sex-addicted, embezzling) ex, so we no longer have friends in common after all these years.
Susan didn't make friends easily anyway, and was very family-oriented. After her kids grew up, she spent most of her time with work. She often told me she was so glad that I took the initiative to keep in touch, because she was so bad at it, and that she really enjoyed the time we spent together (mostly spent over long dinners after work), because she didn't really have many "girlfriends."
The last time I talked to her, SHE called ME, which wasn't unheard of, but it was usually the other way around. Looking back now, I think she knew the time was close, and she wanted to make sure we talked while we could. She apologized for putting me off when I wanted to come to see her, and promised that the next week she'd call and we'd get together. She even said "If I'm feeling good enough, you can take me out to Capital Ale"). That was our place - they have $1 burgers on Monday nights from like 5:30 to 7:30 and that was where we met the most offten, as it was right up the street from her office.
She didn't call that week, and I got busy and didn't call her. I was trying to not "intrude" on her time with her family, knowing it was short. I called the next week and she didn't call back. Then the next week was when I called again, and then decided to look where I had been afraid to look - in the obits.
More than anything, I hate that I missed her memorial service. I think I'd be better now if I had had that chance to have an "appropriate" meltdown. That ritual has reason behind it - it's good to come together and grieve a fallen friend. I missed that, and I think I'm grieving that almost as much as having lost her. I didn't get to say goodbye.
I did get to say "I love you," and so did she. I know that's the most important thing, but dammit, I needed a chance to fall apart where it was "safe" and "appropriate."
Does that even make sense? -
Reply #8 06/29/08 10:11pm
Oh Sue, it all makes perfect sense! Memorial services and funerals are exactly for the purpose you describe - rituals withi which we, the ones left behind, get to safely melt/break down and grieve and say our goodbyes. It's an ok time to let our rawness in grief show without worrying about what anyone thinks. Where we get in touch with our deepest and truest sorrow at being left behind to find our way without the one we so love. You need to give yourself permission to go through that very necessary processs, Hon! Since you weren't at the memorial service, have you considered putting together a private memorial service all your own for Susan? Perhaps it might even be in keeping with the nature of your friendship w/her: private, shared just between the 2 of you - those special times when both of you gave your time and energy completely to the other with no imetermediary friends. Might you consider doing that for yourself? Somehow, I have a feeling Susan's spirit would appreciate such a gift from you to her, and you'd be giving yourself a lasting gift - a treasure - that no one else would ever be able to take away from you and your dear friend. I'm thinking of you Sue and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. My candle is lit for Susan AND for you, to honor that bond the 2 of you shared in life and still share now! Namaste, Trish
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