Discussion Topic
Still there
Posted on 07/18/08, 09:32 pm
I thought I would share this experience with you guys, especially if you're feeling sort of disconnected lately.
Alright. So recently I've been struggling with depression and anorexia, and could absolutely not find it in me to have any circles, celebrate any sabbats, or participate at all in my own religion. Today I just reached a breaking point. I hid myself in a corner in an empty room and just cried. As I was crying, I called out to the goddess (more specifically Selene, but that's not the point). I felt compelled to say that I was there before her, all that I was, having lost everything to my ED and feeling confused and alone and I just desperately needed her. And then I just suddenly had a sense of connection with everything around me. I felt my negative energy leave with every tear and exhale. I calmed down and was actually able to meditate for a few minutes. I feel SO much better now. Not only because of that, but because I realize that even if I'm depressed and can't fully participate, as someone here said once, the goddess knows my heart. And she knew I wasn't just randomly straying, and she was there to guide me when I needed her.
Just thought I'd share that.
Alright. So recently I've been struggling with depression and anorexia, and could absolutely not find it in me to have any circles, celebrate any sabbats, or participate at all in my own religion. Today I just reached a breaking point. I hid myself in a corner in an empty room and just cried. As I was crying, I called out to the goddess (more specifically Selene, but that's not the point). I felt compelled to say that I was there before her, all that I was, having lost everything to my ED and feeling confused and alone and I just desperately needed her. And then I just suddenly had a sense of connection with everything around me. I felt my negative energy leave with every tear and exhale. I calmed down and was actually able to meditate for a few minutes. I feel SO much better now. Not only because of that, but because I realize that even if I'm depressed and can't fully participate, as someone here said once, the goddess knows my heart. And she knew I wasn't just randomly straying, and she was there to guide me when I needed her.
Just thought I'd share that.
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Reply #1 07/18/08 9:42pm
I am so glad for you, hon. The Goddess truly DOES know our hearts, and is there for us when we take the time to pay attention to what She has to say. I am very glad that you are feeling better, and that you shared this with us. -
Reply #2 07/19/08 11:06am
Unfortunately there will be those times when we just can't practice our faith as we'd normally do. Like you said, it's known that we aren't randomly straying, but there's something holding us back from proper observance. It's okay. :) Never feel guilty over it. The Allwise knows your heart, most definitely. :) Glad your feeling better & lighter of heart! Take care of yourself, hon. :) -
Reply #3 07/22/08 5:14pm
Thank you for sharing this was a beautiful post! Many blessings to you as you go through your journey! xoxox
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