DwnMama

Can He Change?

Posted on 05/07/08, 11:00 am

I have been in a pretty crazy relationship for the last two years. My boyfriend would pull me out of rooms by my hair, pull chunks of my hair out, pour beer on me, kick me, hit me, and constantly put me down. I lived with him and even though he did all that to me, I never wanted to leave. He was selling drugs at the time, so he constantly had people at his house. He never made anyone leave, sometimes they would stay for days at a time (they wouldn't even take a shower). When other girls came over he would let them stay as long as they wanted and he would put me down in front of them or "punish me" in front of them, by sending me to the other room or just taking me to the other room to beat me up and make me stay in there until I could clean myself up and calm down, he would say. He flirted with the other girls and treated them better than me, I wasn't even noticed. Now he is locked up and will be for 2 years. I have been giving him money on his books and writing him, I do anything he asks me too. He has me go pay off all these things that have nothing to do with me. Its funny, but confusing that his attitude has changed completly. He always tells me sorry and how pretty I am, and how much he loves me and how he couldn't do it without me. He says that it was the drugs that made him act that way and that he will never touch me again in that way. This is his second strike, when he gets out if he gets in trouble again and gets locked up, he won't get out. He says he wants to stay away from the drugs and work a legal job and be a good person. I know that this is called jail talk, but I want to have faith in him. He has been really religious ever since he's been locked up which is the complete opposite he was before. I haven't been perfect since he's been gone, but I don't feel bad, in a way it feels good that the shoes on the other foot and he needs me and wants me, instead of it being me that wants him. I am much younger than him, I am 19 and he is 38. But I am in love with him even though he was so horrible to me. I don't want to let go of him, even though I know I should. I am all ALONE!

• Reply #1 05/07/08  11:02am
  
  DwnMama
  In other words I just need someone to talk to! Preferably someone I can become friends with and e-mail back and forth. That might sound a little stupid, but I don't know how else to put it.
• Reply #2 05/08/08  9:34am
  
  AngstRidden
  no can't change, wont change, may be different for a week at best, forget him and find someone better, he isnt worth your time
• Reply #3 05/09/08  12:04am
  
  noctimaniac
  My God woman! How come he stayed your boyfriend? You got my prayers!
  
• Reply #4 05/09/08  9:15pm
  
  ShamrockGal
  I just read your post and am still stunned (mouth gaping open). Is this a joke? If so, you've got way too much time on your hands. If not, oh honey, you need to start fishing from a new pond. He will not change. Repeat that phrase over and over again until you believe it. He will not change. He cannot change. Stop sending him money, stop taking his calls, change your phone number, change your name -- WHATEVER IT TAKES -- get thee away from him. He will not change.
• Reply #5 05/11/08  6:04pm
  
  LEARJETCHICK
  Hey there... just me.
  I can relate to this. I am fighting to get out of a similar relationship. Please understand that I had this same question. NO. He will not change until he realizes what he is doing is wrong. Mine refuses that there is an issue on his end. Therefore, I am wasting no more of my life living like this. It is a matter of realizing your OWN SELF WORTH!!! Your worth more than he is offering you. You know it.. I know it... God knows it.
  
  Hope this helps and good luck to you in making the proper decisions as well as finding the strength to overcome.
  
  MJx
• Reply #6 05/13/08  11:43am
  
  bmanderson1
  Baby I know how you feel and you are not alone! I have been in 3 abusive relationships and am still in one to this day. Its not easy and love is not suposto hurt at all! Please now this he will never change for you. He has to want to change for himself! And please do not think you cant do any better or be without him! You are doing with out him now and I think you now that. Maybe you are a little scared to be alone and you are very young still! Maybe you should think about yourself and what you want like how to better yourself. Have you finished school and do you want to go to college? I am 30 years old and regret not doing for myself! Please live your life and just be happy. I am here if you want to ever talk. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
• Reply #7 05/14/08  11:04am
  
  Iromero
  After reading your situation I am quite astonished. I don't want to over analyze the age difference and ask how your relationship was with your father. However, it seems you are way to eager to want to please this person regardless of the cost to yourself, emotionally, physically and monitarily. A very good friend of mine recently reminded me of something that sounds way to simple, but is very true, "we can only be treated the way we allow someone to treat us". Good luck in the future, I hope you learn to surround yourself with only those worthy of all you have to give.
• Reply #8 05/14/08  4:58pm
  
  morethan
  Can he change? Yes. Will he change I doubt it. You have the perfect opportunity right now to see someone, a Dr., a Minister, etc etc and find out why and what is going on with you that causes you to accept this behaviour. I know letting go of love is the hardest thing you can or will ever do. You are not alone. You are more then welcome to check out my profile and message me whenever you want. I just want you to know that you are young and can change the entire point of you life very easily. Look back before the boyfriend and ask if this is what you wanted for yourself. Would you want this for a sister, daughter or friend. I am not judging you at all. After all the choice is all yours no matter what others say or do. Just make the right choice.
• Reply #9 05/16/08  6:09pm
  
  olenka1
  Walk out and forget about the asshole.You deserve better.If you need to talk I'm here and so is everyone else
• Reply #10 05/20/08  6:23pm
  
  haligh
  youre quite strong to put up with such a situation, i admire you.
  i hate to be brutally honest, but it IS more than likely prison talk.
  if he were on the streets tomorrow, do you think hed be much different?
  probably not, hes telling you these things BECAUSE youre doing whatever he wants. he needs that $$ on his books and the female attention.
  
  if they hit you once, theyll hit you again.. and again. there are so many guys out there who wont abuse you, but if this is the person you want to be with (not sure i advise it) then more power to you. i'm just telling you theres better men out there, you know? my friend has been down for 8 years and gets out in january, ive heard alot of horror stories about men playing women until they got out. unless you have total faith in this guy (it doesnt sound like you do) then you shouldnt even bother.
  
  if you need anybody to talk to you arent alone girl, hit me up! :)
  
  

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