Discussion Topic
Still an Affair!!!!
Posted on 09/19/08, 09:42 pm
My husband and I have been married 3 years, together for 8. He told me on our first date we would be married and he has always been loving, kind and supportive.
Then I was looking at our phone bill last year and saw that his boss (she has since been demoted and is in a different dept but that has nothing to do with us) had called him 30 times in a few week period. At that time, he had only called her a few times.
We had a long talk and he said he realized it was wrong. He supposedly broke off all communication when she was transferred to a different dept but in same building.
Well last Wednesday night everything I thought I knew was completely shattered. She called me in the middle of the night, drunk, to tell me what my husband has been doing. Not only has he been calling her, he has been telling me he was working 8 hours overtime on Saturdays and only working 4. Then he goes out with her, sometimes just them and sometimes in a group. Out to lunch, the movies, etc.
He has lied to me over and over and over again for 9 months.
He's also been going out drinking with a group of people at work every week, using 4 annual (vacation) hours. Then he's been telling me that he cannot take time off because we need the money. I stopped working in December to help take care of my Mother who was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer August 2007. I saw my Dad was just completely overwhelmed and they have ALWAYS been there for me and my twin older brothers our whole lives, no matter what. I had to be there for her. She's doing much better now.
I have spoken to both of them and they both deny anything other than a close friendship. I do not know if I believe either one of them. She is completely out of her mind and he's become a compulsive liar.
He is genuinely distraught and a wreck (as he should be), professes his love for me and has begged me not to leave him. He has agreed to go to AA, we started going to church together again and we had our first session with a marriage counselor yesterday (Wednesday).
He begged me to go away with him for a few days to "reconnect" and he will be off for the next 9 days. I have told members of our families (both his parents, mine, my sis-in-law and his) because I do not know if I will be able to forgive him.
Every day of the last week has felt like a roller coaster from Hell. I go from anger to rage to overwhelming sadness about 10 times a day.
Everyone I have told has genuinely been completely shocked, especially his Mom (she's a wonderful woman). She said she would've thought her other 2 sons would be capable of this before my H. No one knows what to say to me and I feel so alone.
What if I can never forgive him?? Or what if I do and he betrays my trust again? We were going to start trying to have a baby in 6 months, but I will not even consider that right now. I'm 33 and I feel like I have wasted 8 years of my life.
I am not perfect but I have NEVER let a stranger into our marriage and made them more important.
That's it for now. Thanks for any and all advice, suggestions, etc.
Kerri
Then I was looking at our phone bill last year and saw that his boss (she has since been demoted and is in a different dept but that has nothing to do with us) had called him 30 times in a few week period. At that time, he had only called her a few times.
We had a long talk and he said he realized it was wrong. He supposedly broke off all communication when she was transferred to a different dept but in same building.
Well last Wednesday night everything I thought I knew was completely shattered. She called me in the middle of the night, drunk, to tell me what my husband has been doing. Not only has he been calling her, he has been telling me he was working 8 hours overtime on Saturdays and only working 4. Then he goes out with her, sometimes just them and sometimes in a group. Out to lunch, the movies, etc.
He has lied to me over and over and over again for 9 months.
He's also been going out drinking with a group of people at work every week, using 4 annual (vacation) hours. Then he's been telling me that he cannot take time off because we need the money. I stopped working in December to help take care of my Mother who was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer August 2007. I saw my Dad was just completely overwhelmed and they have ALWAYS been there for me and my twin older brothers our whole lives, no matter what. I had to be there for her. She's doing much better now.
I have spoken to both of them and they both deny anything other than a close friendship. I do not know if I believe either one of them. She is completely out of her mind and he's become a compulsive liar.
He is genuinely distraught and a wreck (as he should be), professes his love for me and has begged me not to leave him. He has agreed to go to AA, we started going to church together again and we had our first session with a marriage counselor yesterday (Wednesday).
He begged me to go away with him for a few days to "reconnect" and he will be off for the next 9 days. I have told members of our families (both his parents, mine, my sis-in-law and his) because I do not know if I will be able to forgive him.
Every day of the last week has felt like a roller coaster from Hell. I go from anger to rage to overwhelming sadness about 10 times a day.
Everyone I have told has genuinely been completely shocked, especially his Mom (she's a wonderful woman). She said she would've thought her other 2 sons would be capable of this before my H. No one knows what to say to me and I feel so alone.
What if I can never forgive him?? Or what if I do and he betrays my trust again? We were going to start trying to have a baby in 6 months, but I will not even consider that right now. I'm 33 and I feel like I have wasted 8 years of my life.
I am not perfect but I have NEVER let a stranger into our marriage and made them more important.
That's it for now. Thanks for any and all advice, suggestions, etc.
Kerri
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