jitterstwo

How long did you self-medicate before being diagnosed?

Posted on 08/12/08, 02:25 pm

First off, thanks for starting this group. I started self medicating at age of 15. Shooting meth, smoking pot, pretty much anything I could get my hands on. After numerous hospitalizations for suicide attempts, I was diagnosed with depression and ADHD at the age of 24. Continued abusing cocaine shooting it for several years. Started smoking crack to get off shooting the stuff. Worked but now Im a crack head. After loosing everything, jobs, house, self respect (stated to prostitute). I went to the state for help, suicidal again and was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder at the age of 40 or so. The whole time abusing cocaine and seeing a dr but not revealing to him the truth about my addiction. I now take medicine for all of my mental illnesses and can finally say I'm happy where I'm at in my life. I no longer binge on smoking crack. I don't spend all my money. I have a house a job and a bank account. I ended a 12 year abusive drug induced relationship. I still smoke crack at least once a week. I would like to quit, I don't know where to start. Using for most of my life I am soooo used to it. I like the high. I'm being honest. How would my life improve??? I don't have any friends. My years of un medicated bipolar disorder has left it's mark as far as social adaptation.

• Reply #1 08/14/08  4:02pm
  
  mentaladdict
  I self medicate since I was 13-14 yrs old.
  Then I was diagnosed at twentysomething years, sorry can't recall.
  All I have now is 7 months of sobriety and returned to live with my folks.
  If you want to quit there r no mid terms in regards of addiction.
  Either you use or you don't.
  I know its not that easy especially w crack.
  Inside my mind I think of it as something delicious but when I cime to reality and thing of all the misery I wen through while in addiction is enough to say NO>
• Reply #2 08/16/08  6:40am
  
  angie08
  hi jitters, thanks for speaking out.
  
  I was diagnosed when I was self-medicated I suppose with promiscuity...and pabst blue ribbon. Hey, I was 18, and couldn't get real drugs. all the really heavy drug use came in my late 20s....and, boy did that f*** me up.
  
  Now my bp has schizoaffective elements...and, yes, I can totally identify with the social adaptation woes. I was lucky enough to meet some good friends in grad school, but the fact that I was such a wingnut, and writing about my abuse, cocaine/heroin use and bp stuff very graphically, made for some vicious workshop sessions.
  
  I became such a pariah that I dropped all classes where I had to be around my peers, and went to independent study once a week. now hide out in my apartment and leave only to buy booze and get medication. some would say that's horrible, but i say I'm happier than I've been in awhile to just do my own thing.
• Reply #3 08/18/08  3:31pm
  
  jitterstwo
  Thanks for your support. Can't help but feel angry and frustrated at times that even though we, as a family went to therapy when I was 15 I still was not properly diagnosed. It would have saved me from a life of hell. But mostly I have no regrets I had to go through this to get where Im at. This past week I had no desire to use, then I did today, Im ok with it though.
• Reply #4 10/10/08  1:22am
  
  4x4kat
  i to have self medicated my self most of my life.About 12yr old I would drink my dads booze and try to fill it with water thinking they wouldnt notice lol. it seems we always have a knack to get whatever our drug of choice is.I later did the weed thing then coke and based it. finaly went into rehab when my kide were 4 and 8 1/2 i stayed off the booze for 16 yr but went out about 3 yr ago and started doing METH, I am now 9 and 1/2 months clean .However i recently went into a major depression I went out on medical leave from work and im in therapy and after 46 y i finaly was tested and diagnosed with ADHD/depression , anxiety and signs of BP I havent many friends anymore since im not using and the rest dont now or understand or ow to cope with me accept two who have been there for me no matter if i cryed for hours or was up or down etc and made me get out of bed after sleeping for 3days at atime etc . I dont have the urge to do Meth or anything else I had decided to quit because it wasnt working for me anymore im still looking for peace within and im doing everything i no how to do to hopefully find it. the only reason I never tried suicide was I figured i fucked up everything elsein my life I would probably screw that up 2 and end up a vegtable or something . anyhow keep trying and thanks for everyones honesty it helps to know we all have many of the thoughts and urgs and feelings.

This is where people can share who have an addiction and also a mental illness...