Discussion Topic
Fear
Posted on 07/24/08, 09:20 pm
I am 16 years old.... A varsity softball player. I am Anorexic..... I was fat about 2 years ago.. I went from 186 pounds to about 122 pounds.. I should be happy, but I'm not... I still think I am fat.. I look in the mirror and I see the girl I used to be 2 years ago... Fat, Ugly.... I barely eat. I work out constantly just to make sure I don't gain weight.... I am scared to gain weight..... My mom thinks thta what I am going through is soooo easy to get over I just need to eat.... They see a skinny girl.... I see a fat, ugly, sad, and depressed girl.....
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Reply #1 07/26/08 3:49pm
hi thee, nope you are not abnormal it is just the way anorexia makes you feel. even though i know that in the mirror i don't look fat ...i don't look thin either!! i am 44yrs old and now only able to fit into age 9 clothes .. so on a logical level i can't really be fat ....however ... most days i just feel fat even though i only weigh about 90 pounds and am 5ft 4 in height with a bmi around 16. soooo why do i still feel fat??? it is the mystery of the disease not reality ... pls seek medical advice before it gets so bad that you do not have enough energy to continue with your softball. best of luck xxx -
Reply #2 07/27/08 12:12am
I just want everythng to feel ok again. I am in a size 0 in american eagle. a size 1 in hollister.. a size 1/2 in aeropostale. smalls in tops.. I should be happy.. Im not -
Reply #3 08/28/08 12:45pm
I know how you feel, and at one time I weighed 236 pounds, that was when I had stopped being bulimic, I ended up bingeing and gaining that mass amount of weight. Then I went back to bulimia though I really wasn't eating and lost more than 100 pounds. So now I am in the normal weight range and people say I look thin, but I can't seem to get myself to see myself as that. I always see fat everywhere, and eating food terrifies me because I feel so guilty afterwards. I have to go and take long walks and runs, and work out at the gym. Its so hard to get better, when better has once gotten you worse. I don't know if I'll ever stop having in eating disorder, but I'm trying to get better.
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