Be Assertive!
Posted by ellainwonderland - 04/14/08, 11:52 pm
I learnt some very valuable skills last weekend at a "how to be assertive workshop".
Being assertive means communicating in a way that is respectful towards others however without compromising yourself and your values. And if you're like me someone who was always known as the 'nice one', someone people could always have a little dig at, and you never knew how to retaliate-then you should read THIS! It's a different way of looking at yourself, how you handle others and deal with difficult situations- it will morph you from timid mouse to roaring lion and you'll get the results you want!
post to be continued
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Most importantly:
Be direct!- you do not have to sugar coat your words!
If somebody asks for your opinion- give them an HONEST opinion! and do not feel guilty
over the possibility that you may offend the person. They asked-and you are replying HONESTLY.
ie.
Q. Do you think this velvet dress is flattering on me?
A. Honestly Joan, I don't like it on you, maybe you should try another outfit.
they ASKED- you ANSWERED
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How to [correct behavior] i.e.- you are offended by the way a work colleague or friend treats/speaks to you, but you never know how to respond.
Follow these 5 simple steps
1- Pick a time and place where you are going to confront this person.
ie. Joan could you come and see me over at my desk after work I'd like to have a chat.
2- Describe the behavior
i.e. Joan, are you aware that ...
3- State the effect on you
4- State what you would like to happen
5- State the consequences if things do not change
[ more to come on correcting behavior...]
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[Open ended questions]
These are my favorite! When I learned about open ended questions, I was really excited :P
They are the answer to many of my communication problems.
The point of this technique is that if someone says something to you that is offensive (especially if it is one of those quick sneaky stabs that leave you speechless), you are to respond in a way that forces the other person to explain their actions.
i.e. a friend says that she saw your husband at a work function and that he was very chatty with female staff members.
[she is wanting your mind to wonder and to think that perhaps he is flirting with these girls thus possibly a un-faithful.]
But because she is not directly saying this, it makes it difficult to catch her out....until now!
simply state one of the following:
what are you getting at? are you implying that my husband is cheating on me?
[she has to explain herself]
why do you feel that it is necessary to say that?
[she has to explain herself]
[ more to come on open ended questions ...]
