Discussion Topic

Hi - New here

Posted on 06/09/08, 01:59 pm

I'm new here, hoping to find support. I'm a single mom of 3 - two of whom are severely disabled. My daughter has bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder, and my son has severe early-onset bipolar disorder and lord only knows what else. My family is NOT supportive. The only support I have is our therapist (God bless that woman!!!). No friends, except acquaintances. Don't have time for friends, and no one understands my situation. My son is out of control. I am SO tired. Working full-time, trying to raise my kids. No money, no life, no TIME. I'm so tired of being told I am a bad mother, that I am lazy and that I don't DO enough. Stress scale shows I'm due for a stroke or heart attack any day now. Taking enough medications to kill a horse just to be able to function. Work is getting less understanding the worse my kids get.

How do you cope? I know I'm not the only one in this situation, or one similar to it. Can't be - there are too many people in the world. Where do you go for help? How do you find time for YOU? How do you deal with people who call your children freaks? (Besides wanting to punch their lights out?) I can't take my son anywhere, but he refuses to be away from me (let me tell you, mornings are a TOTAL nightmare!!!!) How do you prevent your son from beating his twin brother to a pulp (and from said twin brother beating him back?) or trying to push Mom down the stairs or trying to get your (17-year old going on 7) daughter to understand that my bipolar son is not purposely trying to annoy her (well, okay he IS doing it on purpose, but he can't really HELP it).

I avoid new people for the reason that I avoid people I already know. No one understands. I'm tired of being called lazy and a bad mom, and I'm also tired of people telling me that if I just disciplined my kids better they wouldn't be so out of control. I also suffer from severe chronic depression and anxiety (PTSD) which is no fun, and also adds to the "Lazy Mom" theme of course. Our therapist and the kids' shrink are the only ones who are trying to help me help my kids.

I guess I'm looking for some affirmation here, some form of encouragement, or just something positive for a change. Can anyone relate?

Showing 6 Replies

Reply #1 06/11/08 8:25pm

piscesstar

i'm new also and i don't know were to begin you are not alone and your not a lazy mom a lazy mom would not even look for help i also get no outside support i have three girls all living at home and some days i feel like i just can't take one more day but i do and it's because of my girls i pull though i hate mornings with you i fight with my youngest to get dressed and up for schoo my older two have quit school anyway she is 11 ansd i have to dress her and try to do her hair before the bus and every morning she tells me she hates me and hits me i tell her not to yell at me whitch only makes her scream more anyway if you need someone other then your kids ti talk to i'll lisson and i never judge
Reply #2 06/12/08 9:06am

twinglesMom

Thanks - I really needed to hear from you! I can't believe how hard this is. My daughter is 17 and can't finish school. I can't afford to stay home and force her to do the work when I tried to homeschool. Mornings. Ugh. Especially MONDAY mornings.

It used to bother me when they told me they hated me, but now it's like, "Yeah, whatever." At least I manage not to shout back, "Well, I hate you, too!!!!" - even though I sure would like to sometimes.

How does your daughter do out in public? I'm terrified of taking my son (7) anywhere. When we go to ANYWHERE and he decides we've been there long enough (like say 2 minutes) he starts trying to ram the cart into other people and knocking displays down. He will throw himself on the floor and scream and just totally lose it. People stare, of course. That doesn't bother me so much - I'd probably stare too. But when people start trying to interfere because they think I am not raising him right ("Looks like he could use some DISCIPLINE" or "Well! He is certainly spoiled!!" or other stuff like that) just drives me nuts. I just want to tell them off, but I can't even reply because I'm so busy trying to get him to calm down. I don't know how many times we've left the store without getting what we came for. It is SO frustrating!!!!!

Sometimes I just want to beat him or run away. Thankfully I've withstood but it's SO hard sometimes!! Does your daughter follow you around when you are trying to get away from her to cool off?
Reply #3 06/20/08 8:48pm

starrysky

Hi, my name is Starrysky and I am new here as well. I am a single mom going through a divorce. My son's father, whom I am divorcing, is a controling man who let my son get away with beating on me. Now my son thinks it is okay for him to beat up on his two cousins on is two years old and the other on is five years old. None of the kids have a disorder, but I know what it is like to have to break up a fight.
Reply #4 06/20/08 8:54pm

starrysky

I know it is hard to be a single parent. I do sympathize with you. You are doing every thing you can to be the best parent to your kids. I know how you feel when people tell you that you are a bad parent. My soon to be ex-husband tells me or does things to me to let me know he thinks I am a bad mom.
Reply #5 06/29/08 8:36pm

shhendrix

I am a single mom and I am Bipolar! I recently gave my life to God in April of 2007 and made a choice to take my medicine regularly for the first time since my diagnosis when I was 21! Ten years ago! I feel and understand you and I just want to encourage you to draw even closer to God because He alone is my strength! I am now in college and am able to live a balanced life! My sons father is not fully in my sons life and he does not provide financial or emotional support yet God continues to be faithful! I just want to encourage you by reminding you that God loves you all- he made you all- and he knows everything that is going on with you all- I have learned that Prayer Changes Things! Stay encouraged! In Christ, Sue :)
Reply #6 06/30/08 4:20pm

caryn412

I too am new and can totally relate on how you feel at times. I'm a single mom now for 8 years. My son was diagnosed with ADHD back when he was 4 and it has been a looooooong 5 years trying to get him the proper help, support and keeping my sanity! I love my son dearly and would do anything for him, but then there are times that I just need a break. Then guilt sets in. I get depressed that I'm not doing enough and that I'm a bad parent, etc. I'm still looking for the right doctor for my son and this may help for you to do the same. Get him into therapy - it helps!!! I'm taking my son to a new Pediatric Neurologist for additional testing as I thought he was bipolar, but thankfully, he is not. Just very immature. He's 9 going on 4 and follows me everywhere - even into the bathroom. You have to set boundries. It's hard and I still struggle with it every day. Try to be consistant with your kids schedule. Again, this is hard, because my son goes to his dad's house every Wed and every other weekend. Luckily, his dad is involved in his life and loves him dearly, but doesn't give me much support. Never has..... Hang in there and I'm here if you want to chat! GK