Discussion Topic

Dealing with Dad

Posted on 04/29/08, 04:00 pm

I need advice. My child's father and I have a very bad history together. I left him for very good reasons but he will just not move on. He has already had one girlfriend who he borke up with and now has another one of just 2 months who is living with him. I have a boyfriend but have been very careful about how much my child sees him and how quickly she gets to know him. We were together 8 months before they even met. Her father will not leave my boyfriend alone and keeps trying to stir up trouble between the two of us. And the when I tell him he needs to stop and leave my personal life alone, he won't let me talk to her when he has her on the weekends and he gives me the silent treatment when we are picking her up/dropping her off. I want to be civil and act like adults. I don't think it is healthy for her to see us acting this way, but he will not talk to me. What do I do?

Showing 4 Replies

Reply #1 04/30/08 11:08am

papertrucker

Be better then him explain to your daughter that daddy has some issues he needs to work on and that sometimes we just do not get along explain to her that she has done nothing wrong and non of this is her fault!!!!!!!As for your limiting your daughters contact with your boyfriend that was good.When my wife passed away 6 years ago I make a huge mistake that to this day hunts me I brought a women into our house thinking I was ready it was a huge mistake as thing quickly fell apart.
Reply #2 05/02/08 4:47pm

federalmom

I had teh same issues with my X. he went to prison for 2 yrs then he and his daughter never really connected again. I will not let him taker her on his own so he has to come here to see her. He has girlfriends who he mooches off of and doesnt really talk to her or I very much anymore. it breaks my hart because they were very close..now nothing. He is irrational and selfish and thati cant deal with. I am now a single mom because he left to havea party and I stayed to raise our diabetic child! which I LOVE! But its hard tring to graduate from college and go through training and testing for a federal job when your kid is in and out of the hospital and he is no help. I hate him for that and will never frogive him. mmmmm I really am mad at him. it boils my blood. My daughter seems to do Ok without him..but not having her dad around must hurt her. I reinforce to her that he loves her, and he does.
Reply #3 05/06/08 9:20am

mousa123

If my boy is lucky his dad sees him about once a year. I don't know what it is with some men. How can they be that cruel and ignore there childre? my advice give up on trying to talk to dad i have and believe i'm not so stressed now. He is the one that is missing out on alot and he will pay for that someday. If you waste your time and energy on him then you could be losing out on alot with your child to. just be there for your child when he or she is hurting and even though you may not want to let her know her dad does love her, he just has some growing up to do.
Reply #4 06/01/08 6:41am

movingfwrd

My daughter has only seen her father a few times. She has grown into a confident, intelligent and happy teenager. She is always laughing and even gives my grown up friends advise. She has a great head on her shoulders and I am so proud of her. My point is that a child can grow up fine with out a dad or a not so great dad as long as they have one parent that is willing to be their for them. It sounds like you really love your child and are putting him first. The dad shows imaturity and is trying to control you by using the child. Meybe you can limit the childs time with the father. I dont know how old your child is or if you have court ordered visitation. I have known many single mothers. In cases like this boys tend to turn into their fathers and the girls wind up dateing someone who is just like them. If he has to be in the picture just keep really good communication with the child. Talk about what they do together, if she/he enjoyed the visit, etc. If the child is to young, then keep a close eye for signs of neglect, diaper rashes or any marks, etc and report any incidents of abuse whether to the child, you or your boyfriend. Best of luck.