Conniewants...

Conniewantstostop Pull free-a-thon!

Posted on 06/04/08, 11:07 pm

Hi girls! (& guys if there are any of you in this group),

I am two days pull free. I am learning so much and I'm so deeply encouraged not to be alone. Even as I write this I realize how deep my insecurities go. I'm afraid I won't fit in with this group. Do any of you feel like you don't fit in in social situations? Is that all part of the Trich or something else? Anyway, I'm excited to see women supporting each other and loving each other back to health. What an awesome thing!! Thanks for being here! It really helping me a lot!!! : ) It has helped me stop picking too. I can really relate to the petting my lashes. I've had the same experiences too. Going to the pool, camping, and being so embarrased of my blank spots. Oh well, when I looked at all the other groups on this site and saw what could be happening in my life, I'm pretty grateful it's just Trich. : )

• Reply #1 06/04/08  11:51pm
  
  MissMisMich...
  I always feel like I don't fit in... like I'm always the odd one out. I HATE IT! Now that you say that... it makes me wonder how many others of us feel that way... or is it just because we feel like we are hiding this huge secret and that makes us feel left out... I always feel like people are analysing my hair- judging it, judging me.
  
  Looking at it as "it's just trich" is a good way... it could be worse, and you can totally get through the urges and come out pull free!! :)
• Reply #2 06/05/08  9:44am
  
  crzychick
  Welcome to the Group.
  
  2 days it a great start. How did you do it? Share your tips they could help the others.
  
  Yes it's hard to feel like part of a group when you are always worried that your disguise is going to give you away. So many enemies. The wind, water, even holding a baby that can pull off a wig or smear your makeup, your guy coming in close to kiss you and cupping your face or wanting to brush your hair back off your face and you pull away. *sigh*
  
  But now with all of us here to support each other we CAN beat this and all that will be in the past, soon to be a long ago memory.
• Reply #3 06/05/08  10:45am
  
  Conniewants...
  Thanks so much to all of you for your wise words of support. I think reading everyone's blogs has helped me so much. Just knowing I'm not alone, I'm not a weirdo, understanding where it's coming from (to some extent) and reading a book on it have helped me. Keeping my hands busy at night searching the two group sites on Trich (Daily Strength Trich group and this group) & connecting with all of you puts my mind on solutions rather than being alone in the zone "picking" out my frustrations. I read that Trichsters (I like that term, hopefully that is okay with you) isolate and hide their strong emotions and Trich is a way to release them that keeps us in isolation. I could really identify with that. I need support. I need to know I'm not a weirdo, I'm not alone, that there is hope and I have a place to go when I feel tempted to pick. I am reading a book that's helping me get to the root emotional contributions to my Trich too. Issues with my mom and anger & resentment I carry from years of not being able to express how I really feel when she does something to hurt me. Things like that. It really came together for me that I pick as a way to vent that anger and frustration in a way that doesn't hurt anyone else. The problem is it's hurting me. So, now what do I do? Well, I am praying and hoping I can connect with all of you, find friends here I can bring my emotions to and express them in a healthier way. What do you think?
• Reply #4 06/05/08  9:44pm
  
  Conniewants...
  Thank you smileygirl, I feel exactly the same way! How are you doing? How was your day? I felt weird all day. I'm finding it hard to do all I'm supposed to be doing (responsibilities). I think it's because I'm letting emotions surface that I normally stuff, you know? I feel heavy hearted a little even though things are okay. I didn't pick today, so I think tomorrow is day 4. I can so relate to crzy when she talks about "spike"(the little white hairs that grow back in our eyebrows when we've picked for a while) and others when they are share being embarrased of people finding out the shame of this is because we feel fake having to hide our blank spots, right? I hate that. I want to be real and honest about this problem, but because so many people don't understand it, we feel like we need to hide it unless we want to live our lives explaining it to everyone, right? I used to feel alot of shame around other people. I've had to grow a lot in trying not to worry or even care about the opinions of those who would think I was weird. They don't know who I am and if they are shallow enough to judge me on whether I have eyelashes or not, what does that say about them, right? Still I know it hurts and we all wish we had a full healthy set of eyelashes and eyebrows and felt "normal" about it. We can do this together though. I do believe in the power of this group and our ability to build each other up, inspire and comfort each other until we beat this. Wouldn't it be totally awesome to send each other pictures 6 months from now with all our eyebrows and lashes? Maybe we could have a retreat somewhere and use it as a goal to see each other and celebrate our victories? Just a thought! Anyway, thanks for being there and for being my new friend. I'm grateful!! : )
• Reply #5 06/08/08  4:09pm
  
  crzychick
  As for my knowledge I'm the kind of person that's like a dog with a bone. If I have something on my mind and I want to find out something I don't stop until I figure it out. When I found out about Trich I searched the internet high and low about info on it. Most was scientific stuff but I found another forum board (link to it up in the News Article area). It's what helped me get on track and started my pull free days. That is where I saw the Pull Free A Thons and why I brought them here. The Facts and Tips I brought from there also. So the backbone of my info is "stolen".
  
  Then thru soul searching and reading others pull frees and their awaking thoughts triggered mine I have come up with other ideas that I have added. Never take my word only as the only method. I will say the the Trich Facts and the Regrowth Facts are that Facts. Everything else are thoughts and ideas of others or myself.
  
  As for encouragement that is easy. We all need it and it helps so much. I love to log on and see you all commenting to me. I brings a smile to my face to know that others think about me and take the time to say so.
  
  So glad Luci is felling better. Pets become such a part of our family. We have a cat and 3 birds. (want 3 birds?). It's never boring around here.
  
  Everything is clear on the home front. Thank you for your concern.
• Reply #6 06/08/08  4:25pm
  
  Conniewants...
  PS, I tried wearing false eyelashes today to church and they just didn't stay on very well, didn't look natural and bothered me. Do any of you have a different experience than this with false eyelashes? Any time I've tried to wear them, they just bug the heck out of me. I took them off in the car before we all went out to lunch together, so I know I looked much different, but no one said anything. Thankfully they are a loving group of people, so they wouldn't look down on me, but I felt weird. I talked myself through it though and thinking about the fact that all of you were with me in this really helped me not to get down on myself! : )
• Reply #7 06/08/08  7:01pm
  
  shebepo
  If you ever need to vent about your mother you can message me! My mother is a source of so many of my life long struggles. She is alcoholic and has borderline personality disorder. When we are little our parents are like the 'all knowing beings' that we get most of our information from. It's a rude day indeed when we grow up and realize that almost everything we got from them is warped in some way!
  I have had to distance myself from her to find peace.
  
  Keep up the good work! Hope you're still finding the strength to remain pull free!
• Reply #8 06/09/08  10:47am
  
  Conniewants...
  Thanks for your reply. I've heard it takes practice and some getting used to. I ordered some from a site I found out about here. They are supposed to look/feel more natural, so I'm hoping that helps. I have to get out and see realtors with one of my new loan consultants and I have to admit I've wanted to hide because of my Trich. Do any of you struggle with not wanting to go into certain social situations because of this? Today is day 6. I had a hard time keeping my hands down last night. I think I've shared a lot of myself on this site and I'm feeling vulnerable as a result. Darn that old need for approval! : )
• Reply #9 06/10/08  7:47am
  
  smileygirl
  WAY TO GO! Connie!!! You are doing so well!! I bet two weeks ago, you never ever thought you would be almost a week pull free!! Isn't it amazing!! You are doing so wonderfully and should be so proud of yourself!! It is still a struggle for me as well. I definitely had the urge last night too, but somehow kept from pulling! I can't tell you how much I appreciate all that you have shared with all of us! Not only will it help you with your struggles and facing your demons, it helps all of us too! And...we adore and accept you just the way you are! You are a great person! Keep up the good work!!
  
  By the way, I just buy the lashes at Target or Meijer. They are human hair. The brand at Meijer is Ardel #53, I think, and there is only one kind at Target and I believe it is #35 that I like. What I like about them is that they look more natural than many of them. They have both long and shorter lashes mixed in. I also cut about four lashes off of the long end before applying them to fit my eyes better. (You don't want them to go the full length of you eye or they will look more fake) After applying the glue, wait about 20 seconds before you put them on or you can even blow on them to make them a little stickier and less wet. Then, place them just above your normal lash line (which you now have!!! =) ) I also put liquid liner on before I put them on and then I also have to put some on after to make the line even and to cover the glue line a little. Finally, I put some mascara on my own lashes on the inside and outside of my eyes. That also makes them look more natural. I hope this helps! I told you I have become a pro at this! Soon, tho, we won't need to do all this!!!! =)
• Reply #10 06/10/08  10:11am
  
  Conniewants...
  Thanks Smiley Girl!! I'm glad some of what I've shared helped you, I know it helped and is helping me. I am very excited this is day 7 pull free so far!! Love the tips on putting on false eyelashes. Probably spent too much but they look like great natural looking lashes: I bought some from a place I found here on the site. She calls them "Secret" and they are the shortest most inconspicuous false eyelashes I've ever seen, so I'm hoping that will help. I also bought some eyeliner and eyebrow pencils that are "indelible" which I hope means they won't smudge or come off in water as easily. I want to go swimming without feeling like a freak! : )
  
  Hope you're all doing well, thank you so much for your encouragement, it helps so much!!!

You mean that there is a name for IT? Im not weird? Oh what a relief. This board is for people that are serious about learning all they can about Trichotillomania. Yep that big old long word that is the bane of our world. Trich is tricky. But with knowledge and support of others we CAN break free and live without this disorder interfering with our lives. So lets keep this uplifting and supportive and give each other the encouragement the other needs to make it to that next day.