bbbarbiej

Need help for my son desperately..

Posted on 08/18/08, 12:00 am

Hello everyone,

My heart is breaking right now, because I am watching my 13 .. almost 14 year old son suffer with this illness. He started wearing makeup to cover his so called blemishes at the end of grade 7 and it has taken over his life. Grade 8 he would get up in the morning and spend a good 1.5 hours in front of the mirror getting ready for school. His entire days would be spent going from mirror to mirror fussing over how he looked. He put so much makeup on that it would streak down his neck and stain his shirts.. His evenings were spent dying his hair, shaving his legs and body ( I think) and finicking in front of the mirror.
He decided that this summer was going to be the time that he cleared up his skin and " got over" this BDD thing. He has done well all summer and has not worn any makeup, however he has isolated himself from his friends and is now sneaking out at night and sleeping all day.. School is two weeks away and he is scared that the pressure of school and seeing his peers will start the makeup cycle all over again. He has already started putting it back on..
He told me the other night with tears in his eyes, that he was scared he would always have this struggle.. and it would never go away. He wonders what the purpose to living would be if he was always struggling.
His father (we are divorced) does not understand this illness, and tends to blame me for "enabling him" by leaving my makeup around for him to use. I can't seem to get him to understand that his son has a severe mental illness and he needs love, support and patience. Instead all he gives him is anger and consequences.
I so desperately need to help my son, but I don't know how! It doesn't seem like anyone has the answer.. We have a psychiatrist and a psychologist, but we don't seem to be making any gains. The psychiatrist won't give him antidepressants because he has not had a very good history with taking his meds consistantly. (he has ADHD also). The psychologist can't seem to give him consistant CBT as he always has many other issues that they have to talk about.
I live in Canada and there doesn't seem to be anyone here that knows much about BDD. There are all kinds of programs for eating disorders, but none for BDD! Is it worthwhile to go to a clinic such as the BDD Clinic in LA?
I am rambling on , but I really need some advice from all of you who deal with this on a daily basis.
How can I help my son?? I HAVE to help him.. I am so scared of what the future holds for him!!!

THankyou for reading this far. I appreciate any advice you can give me! Bless you.

Barbie

• Reply #1 08/18/08  1:26am
  
  Aubrey18
  well, i have this disorder and my opinion of what causes it is really low low self esteem, i remember when i had this disorder really bad it was in 8th grade as well and i wore tons of makeup to hide my face because i felt ugly but really what it was, was that i felt very empty inside, he thinks that by making his exterior self look good (shell) he will feel better on the inside, but im sorry to say but thats a huge lie, i believe your son is feeling a great amount of emptiness in his life and that is why he is turning to his outward appearance to fill an empty void. He needs to work on improving his interior not exterior, and once your happy with who you are, you don't really focus on your appearance that much.
• Reply #2 08/19/08  8:22pm
  
  bbbarbiej
  THanks for the reply Aubrey.. definately the self esteem is a big issue. Take Care.. :) Barbie
• Reply #3 08/20/08  3:15pm
  
  lloyd999
  Hi bbbarbiei, did you ask your son if he'd consider joining DS and this group...? really think that might help :)
• Reply #4 08/20/08  7:08pm
  
  bbbarbiej
  No- he is at his Dads this week, but I will mention it to him. I might be a bit odd having him on this site, as it is also MY site to kinda vent (I belong to other boards) but I will sess it out. Thanks so much lloyd
• Reply #5 08/25/08  5:27pm
  
  rachel8620
  i would say it is worthwhile going to a clinic in LA because i have BDD & the same specific problem as you're son with the whole skin deal. & im very angry i suffered so long with this [and still am] & my parents didnt do anything! ive been trying alot of different meds to clear it up, along with my antidepressants. so far, the only one that seems to be working a little bit is [differen]. its a gel you put on you're face at night before you go to bed. it takes awhile to see any miraculous results so im still waiting impatiently. the point is, this illness has no led me to online schooling & complete isolation for over 4 months now & it's really killing me. i would HATE to see anyone go through what ive been through these past couple months, its an utter nightmare so i just hope you're son can find help & support somewhere cus this is like you said somewhat "unknowen" & it's terrible to feel so alone in it all. good luck!
  p.s. he should join, this group has been a great support through it all!
• Reply #6 08/25/08  10:40pm
  
  bbbarbiej
  Rachel- thanks for your reply and advice. I feel so sad that there are so many of you out there suffering so deeply.. What can anyone do to help you? You say that your parents didn't do anything to help, but you managed to get some meds etc. What would you have liked your parents to do ? Are they helping you now? Do they understand the illness that you are dealing with?
  My son still doesn't really admit that he has an illness. Is this common? I told him that we could put him on some meds that would make him like what he saw in the mirror. His response was that he didn't want anything that would make him like what he saw because he would be decieved.. :( If there is anything that I can do to help him please let me know.. The clinic in LA is 10K- so need to look into that a bit further. Did you ever try Luvox? Did this help?
  I am definately going to try to get my son to come on here, but as I told Lloyd, I would have to remove all of my posts first! Take care sweetie, Barbie
• Reply #7 08/25/08  11:16pm
  
  rachel8620
  well, i tell people only i can help myself & it's becoming more true everyday because im stubborn & want to get better my way [which is not reasonable but wutev]. anyway yea i've had BDD for three years now, well i was just recently diagnosed with it because everyone else was just so focused on my depression & nothing else, not finding the root of the problem which was BDD & it's just gotten worse & worse each year to the point where i can't even go to school :( as for you're son not admiting it, i think he's just in denial. i couldn't tell ya if it's common or not, you'd have to ask more people with the illness as far as that goes. i mean, i can see why he is denying it, it is hard to talk about & he wouldnt want to seem vain & such also it can be embarrassing. i hate talking about it to people that dont understand, i feel foolish. no no no, my parents are totally lost in this whole thing [they've been lost the whole time i was falling tho]. i personally think they think im just being self-centered & the first time i told my mom i thought i had BDD she laughed at me so that really put me off. i wouldnt say they are helping, more like making it worse. they tell everyone i have it & it's embarrassing because no one understands & then they want me to explain & i cant [it's just not that simple]. & i dont know it just causes so much problems in my life, i just wanna quit. i've never tried Luvox, my mom is totally against meds so they try to keep me on as little as possible but their stuck & dont know what to do with me anymore so it's the only option left.
• Reply #8 08/25/08  11:39pm
  
  bbbarbiej
  Rachel- I understand how hard it must be for you to talk about your illness with other people.. That must make it even more isolating for you.. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you. I really hope that you have someone that you trust and can confide in.. I am glad that you have this board to vent with other people.
  Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Is the psychiatrist not recommending meds to your mom and dad? From what I have read, it seems that they can be really helpful for BDD and can literally turn your life around.
  Do you think if they understood more about it, they would be more open to helping you? What if you were to give them " The Broken Mirror " to read.. It was very informative for me as a parent.. I have looked at your profile, and you are a truly beautiful girl.. that seems to be a very common theme with BDD sufferers. My son is also very handsome..
  
  Take Care and know that there are people that care and that want to help.. :) Barbie
• Reply #9 08/25/08  11:51pm
  
  rachel8620
  yes im seeing a psychiatrist & she is stuck & doesnt know what to do with me either. she said meds will only help a small portion of the problem & wants me to get into CBT. & i am against that because in my past experiences in groups & talking therapy have been disastrious so right now im just waiting for a miracle. yep, i have read the broken mirror & it made me more sad that all these people are suffering & theres no cure. thanks but i dont think im beautiful, i have filled my body with scars inside & out, just goes to show what i truly am..ugly.
• Reply #10 08/26/08  8:42pm
  
  bbbarbiej
  Rachel - it is difficult because I know it doesn't matter how many times someone tells you how pretty you are you won't believe them.. my son is the same.. I am currently looking into seeing if the Health Care system in Canada will pay for us to go to the US BDD clinic in LA. Where do you live?
  You said that you read the book, but have your mom and dad read it? I think it would be so helpful for them to understand what you are going through..You say there isn't a cure? From my understanding there are some very successful ways to deal with BDD, mostly to start with meds.. I think it is so important to get your parents on board.. Hope your day is going OK
  Cheers,
  
  Barbie

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a mental disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by an imagined or minor defect in his or her physical features. The sufferer may complain of several specific features or a single feature, or a vague feature or general appearance, causing psychological distress that impairs important functioning (e.g. occupational or self-care) or social aspects of life.