Keep a personal wellness journal on DailyStrength to track your health and communicate with friends. http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal Sun, 12 Oct 2008 19:54:37 +0100 DailyStrength RSS 0.11.3.0.6833 (FeedCreator 1.7.2) http://dailystrength.org/images/comprofiler/avatar/79403/1221778884.jpg http://dailystrength.org/people/79403 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1337481 so my new therapist thinks that in order for me to get better and to move past all this anxiety and depression i need to be medicated and we need to take a good 6 month break from this roller coaster ride we have been on.  the medication they have me on Lexapro, isn't something that can be ... Sat, 11 Oct 2008 16:34:37 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1332669 well i am feeling better.  the yearning for a baby is back and the feelings that it may never happen are floating through my head a lot.  but i have made a decision, even though i am feeling better and my anxiety seems to be more under control then it was a week ago i am on break from TTC ... Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:20:57 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1327282 psychologists went well today.  she was really nice and reassured me all i am feeling is normal for someone going through what i am going through.  i haven't had a great day today though.   i woke up crying and not wanting to leave the house.  i got better later in the m... Sat, 04 Oct 2008 16:22:31 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1325383 two days after taking the zoloft and i had a total break down.  i stopped taking the med because i think it caused an increase in my anxiety.  i had a stomach bug and haven't been to work in two days.  but i have done nothing but cry for two days and i am not eating.  i feel ... Fri, 03 Oct 2008 09:12:58 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1322937 still feeling BLAH....think i might be coming down with a cold and i am waiting for AF.  Sunday would be day 28 but the nurse said to expect it a couple of days after last BC pill (last pill was Monday).  everything is just running through my head.  i am really nervous to see nurse... Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:34:25 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1320687 feeling less and less like myself.  people at work are now asking if i am feeling alright cause my bright and sunny personality isn't there like it used to be.  i am going to see my primary doc today and maybe they can prescribe me something to help with all these feelings and all the ... Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:10:23 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1312662 hello,  so i am on the last week of the BC pills and things were really going good.  but then all of a sudden all this anxiety took over me.  i had been diagnosed with panic disorder when i was 22 and saw a therapist and was medicated for awhile.  long story short i hadn't ha... Thu, 25 Sep 2008 07:43:34 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1302756 I cannot tell you how nice it feels to NOT be trying.  I mean my life seems some how normal this month.  Hopefully this is exactly what I need and maybe with this next cycle something special will happen....hey anything can happen I guess.  My clothes are fitting me better which I am ... Thu, 18 Sep 2008 19:08:31 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1296408 so i just finished up week one of bc pills.  i am extremely glad to not feel all bloated like the past couple of months.  i actually wore pants today that were so loose on me, (i know i am not loosing weight i just am not so BLOATED) it was just nice to feel like i have my body back to som... Sun, 14 Sep 2008 23:16:03 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1288840 i went in today for baseline bloodwork and ultrasound.  ultrasound shows lots of cysts in there.  so we are on bc for the next three weeks, hoping that with my next cycle all the leftovers in there will get out with aunt flo!  then the nurse wants me to try menopur with ovidrel for IU... Tue, 09 Sep 2008 23:08:51 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1287186 i am sad today.  i am wondering a lot about the why me stuff.  i want to wake up and not have this feeling so strong for wanting a baby because then maybe things would be easier.  i have wanted children my whole life, it was the one thing i always knew i saw in my future and yet with ... Mon, 08 Sep 2008 23:35:06 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1284667 AF arrived this am.  what else is new.  i want to cry so bad but i am holding back.  dh doesn't like to see me cry so i will hold it in as much as i possible can.  i think i am ready for a break from the treatments.  i think i want to just let my body be itself until we ... Sun, 07 Sep 2008 12:20:28 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1275754 almost finished week one of the wait now we will start week two on wednesday.....wish me luck , so far the time is flying by.......sticky baby dust please! Mon, 01 Sep 2008 23:12:21 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1268035 insem went well today.  dh's sperm count was over 60 mil and motility was 51%.  i only had three follicles but i mean come on swimmers find those beautiful follicles and make a baby dammit!  i am going to do my best to not dwell on things this month.  i hope the next two week... Wed, 27 Aug 2008 22:05:14 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1264045 nurse called and my estrogen level is good and LH is getting ready to surge so ovidrel tonight with a side order of BD'ing and then insem on Wed morning.  this seemed like it went very quickly this cycle.  maybe its just cause i haven't been thinking much about it.  not obsess... Mon, 25 Aug 2008 17:21:24 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1258968 nurse saw 3-4 worthwhile follicles in there today.  she thinks maybe we will lower my dose for the next couple of days to maybe 300. when she calls me later with bloodwork results she will let me know what are plan of attack will be.  she is thinking insem maybe wed or thurs.  i feel ... Fri, 22 Aug 2008 11:50:02 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1258140 this high dose of stims are really taking a toll on me!  i am EXHAUSTED.  i feel like no matter what i do i am tired all day long.  all i crave is caffeine!  i had a starbucks today after work and that kept me until for a couple of hours.  but by 7pm i could barely keep my e... Thu, 21 Aug 2008 22:01:32 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1252808 so we started stims tonight.  450 of Gonal-F, seems like a lot to me....12 clicks, i counted.  estrogen was high (75) today when i went in for baseline and fsh was low (5.8) but that can be related to this premature ovarian failure thing i think.  i don't know.  when the... Mon, 18 Aug 2008 22:28:39 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1250472 yea so after taking another HPT yesterday and seeing another "not pregnant" the bitch made her appearance.  oddly enough i wasn't upset or crushed.  i think after this past month i am just realizing that getting pregnant isn't going to happen to me without help from the R... Sun, 17 Aug 2008 17:10:19 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/79403/journal/1244305 so i woke up today and felt like crap, so nauseous, i had one hpt in the drawer and i used it BFN, of course.  AF is not due until Friday so i guess i can still have a small amount of faith right?  i didn't get too upset when i saw the "not pregnant".  i guess i just don... Wed, 13 Aug 2008 20:56:21 +0100