Keep a personal wellness journal on DailyStrength to track your health and communicate with friends. http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal Wed, 20 Aug 2008 23:45:39 +0100 DailyStrength RSS 0.11.3.0.6833 (FeedCreator 1.7.2) http://dailystrength.org/images/comprofiler/avatar/71324/1213247105.jpg http://dailystrength.org/people/71324 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1252449 I did it! I'm really proud of myself right now. I finally made eye contact with my therapist, and it was more than just the two second glance up that I've done before. It wasn't long, maybe two minutes, but it was longer than I've done in a year. In fact, I don't think I've e... Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:43:50 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1238926 Tyler,I always loved you. Don’t tell me that I didn’t. I loved you as much as any 16-year-old girl could. I stood up for you when no one else would. I defended you, even as I cleaned the alcohol-induced vomit off of you. I justified every damn thing you did, even when it cost me everythi... Mon, 11 Aug 2008 00:02:34 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1231886 I have a voicemail on my phone from my therapist. It's been there for about, 7 hours. And I just can't get myself to listen to it. I'm almost certain that it's filled with encouragement. It's rare that I call my therapist, even more rare that I'd leave a message, and sti... Thu, 07 Aug 2008 00:00:52 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1219463 I meant to update this on Monday, but I just plain forgot. Anyway, I did it. I got rid of my last blade. It actually didn't turn out the way I had planned. I had initially planned to just give him the blade this week. Then, I was going to spend the following week deciding on whether I was t... Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:27:48 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1160373 Just a song that's meant a lot to me the past couple of weeks. "It's something I'm not supposed to talk about, the way you violated me.It's something that I could've lived without, the way you put your hands all over me.I wonder, do you lie awake and think at night...ho... Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:21:42 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1134365 So, I broke down and scheduled another therapy session on Wednesday for tomorrow. I'm freaking out about it now. It's making me want to cut really bad. :( Thu, 19 Jun 2008 22:26:29 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1126867 Today's session was really hard. My therapist and I talked more about the memory, and how Ty (my ex) would call me crying and begging me to forgive him afterwards. We also touched on me feeling like I desereved everything. I told my therapist that everytime Ty would do something he'd te... Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:38:17 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1116293 Today's session was really intense...but I can't say I'm not proud of the work I did. True, I've been in tears since...but I'm trying really hard to look past the part of me that hurts and see the progress I've made. I keep recalling bits and pieces of what my thera... Wed, 11 Jun 2008 23:08:25 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1115860 I finally told my therapist about my ex touching me and putting things inside me. I don't know how to feel about it right now. Wed, 11 Jun 2008 19:38:42 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1102540 Having a really hard time at the moment....I was fine earlier, but now I feel like I can't breathe. I was randomly thinking about my therapy session next week (no biggie, just thinking about my therapist and stuff in general...not the stuff I usually stress over.) and suddenly my heart was racin... Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:45:59 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1063544 I'm leaving in about thirty minutes for my appointment. I'm nervous as hell, but at least I didn't cancel. Still not sure if that's a good thing, or not.  Mon, 19 May 2008 15:19:38 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1057304 I can't do this. I can't go to my appointment. And even if I show up, I'm not going to able to talk or look him in the eyes. I'm so sick of staring at the floor...of not talking. But I can't do it. I keep having this dream where I walk into my therapist's office, hand him a c... Fri, 16 May 2008 17:07:13 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1054962 I'm trying so hard not to cancel this upcoming appointment, but I'm scared shitless. Everything has been happening so fast. I went to my ex's grave for the first time a few weeks ago. I don't think any one was more suprised than I was. It was the first time I had ever been there, and... Thu, 15 May 2008 18:55:28 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1044736 Dad, You can yell at me all you want. You can tell me I'm bitching and I should shut up 'cause you don't want to hear it. You can praise my brother and deny the fact he's straight up lied to you. You can cuss all you want. I have only one thing to say to you right now. ... Sun, 11 May 2008 18:03:40 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1043389 <>There's this picture of me as a baby randomly lying on the desk next to me. I can't keep my eyes off of it. It's like, I want to reach through the picture and hold that baby. Craddle her in my arms and promise to protect her. I keep whispering I'm sorry. I keep having th... Sun, 11 May 2008 00:17:20 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1033551 I'm feeling pretty lonely tonight, and I don't really know why. It's not that I have a problem being single. I know that there are a lot of benifits, and I'm probably not ready for a relationship at the moment. And I know that God's timing is perfect...I just get so frustrat... Tue, 06 May 2008 19:22:21 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1028586 It was awesome. :) Sun, 04 May 2008 19:24:03 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1026291 After all of the stress and tears...prom is finally here. And I couldn't be more excited! Everything has worekd out. I'll put some pictures up later this week. Sat, 03 May 2008 16:51:43 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/71324/journal/1022024 Spent the last hour in and out of flashbacks...and they're still coming on strong. I'm physically exhausted, mentally drained. I can't handle this. Thu, 01 May 2008 18:17:46 +0100