Keep a personal wellness journal on DailyStrength to track your health and communicate with friends. http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal Thu, 04 Dec 2008 03:15:21 +0100 DailyStrength RSS 0.11.3.0.6833 (FeedCreator 1.7.2) http://dailystrength.org/images/comprofiler/avatar/gallery/oth_04.gif http://dailystrength.org/people/44804 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1224818 Today is the 4th anniversary of my step dad's death.  He died at home of cancer and since I'm a nurse, along with Hospice, I was his primary caregiver. He died in my arms at about this time of night.  I loved this man so very much. My own father had been physically, sexually, almos... Sat, 02 Aug 2008 23:34:15 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1135253 I'm in the process this morning waiting to find out my fate. Will I be going to the program today or not until Monday. Either way some nice people are coming to get my dog and kitten. So here's the rub. If I don't go to the program until next week I won't have my dog or my kitten and... Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:15:04 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1129265 Still no hospital.....I just don't know what to do...just give it up...or what. I'm a crazy person so I don't matter and I'm causing problems so I know that I wouldn't be allowed back soon enough.  Why don't I matter. I should die, but no, not even that. Tue, 17 Jun 2008 19:32:11 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1124583 I always thought that I would die from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Well, my new pain management doctor ( god, bless her, is giviing me move methadone ) than anyone person could take in a life time. So I'm supposed to go to the State Hosptial this week and if I do in the state of VA I lose al... Sun, 15 Jun 2008 21:41:15 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1118462                                      VENTING  BEWARE BAD LANGUAGE AND QUESTIONING GOD     ... Thu, 12 Jun 2008 21:53:40 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1117499 I was supposed to hear something from someone from the Humane Society last night about a volunteer to check on my animals while I go into the hospital, but never heard anything.  You can't believe how horrible it is to tell someone on the phone that you have no friends and no family to help... Thu, 12 Jun 2008 13:15:54 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1113466 I can't stop my mind from racing today. I go to see the "counselor" tomorrow and I know that it won't make any difference at all. I'm still grieving about the loss of Scott and thinking about how he must be living with some other woman by now even though he denies it. I love hi... Tue, 10 Jun 2008 19:55:38 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1112826 I've been reading some of my many messages and such, and I love them all and the general theme about my ex seems to be that he's a loser and I'm better off w/out him. But now I have a question.  If a loser is the first one to leave, doesn't that make you even more of a loser? I ... Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:31:43 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1111091 I just wanted to let everyone know that I am slowly getting back on my feet. I haven't been online though because for the last 4 to 5 days the temp INSIDE of my trailer has been 92 to 98 degrees. I had thought that the repair men were coming today (Monday)...but NO....SO i haven't been onlin... Mon, 09 Jun 2008 20:34:47 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1075511 Well, I'm over the fasting thing, but it wasn't my choice.  I fainted at home and bumped my headed hard enough that I think that I passed out again.  At least, about 5 hours passed. I also broke a finger which hurt like a mofo.  So I forced myself to drive to the hospital. Aft... Sat, 24 May 2008 18:29:04 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1054709 I spent hours last night talking to a good/great friend and we both n the same place. Tears flowing and anger too.  I actually sent a message to my ex last night telling him how much I hate him.  It was a rough day and so I planed to mow the grass and no worries except I got the mower stuc... Thu, 15 May 2008 17:01:58 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1047367 There was a new member of the family today.  Somehow or another I was talked into taking in a 6 week old kitten. He's a male, orange and white, he'll be a long hair when he grows and his eyes are still blue.  The other 4 cats are pissed off and not having a thing to do with him, bu... Mon, 12 May 2008 19:31:38 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1043576 Came on line; wrote a few things. Hoping to hear a few words of encouragement and nothging. Everning after this afternoon and then even at 2:43 am......so it's clear to me....not even people hear on DS care for me. So I can stay on the site and just reat the threads and add nothing, which boy or... Sun, 11 May 2008 02:52:10 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1042832 It's been over a week now since I've eaten anything solid. I am taking liquids like clear soups and such. Water and other fluids. This isn't a for real fast like that guy I read about on the DS depression site, but he did give me the idea.  I mean since I'm not doing anyhing any... Sat, 10 May 2008 18:50:13 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1033540 I actually ate today. First time in about a week. I've gotten my sleeping time up to about 18 hours per day. If it wasn't for the animals I could get the time up even more.  I have an appt with the so called therapist at 9 am so I'll get up for it and then go to the store and such a... Tue, 06 May 2008 19:16:44 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1028493 I've just done some research on the 7 deadly sins and I am certainly guilty of several. Not all as I had feared. I am guility of the following sins: Sloth - as defined as deep sadness, despair, etc, and Wrath with a defination of Suicide as it's end result (most interesting). I am also most ... Sun, 04 May 2008 18:31:50 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1014258 I believe that I am begining to see myself truly as the rest of the world see's me.  I am a broken down old woman who feels the cold more now, cry's all the time, and has more regrets than plesant memories.  I smile when I think of my parents and then cry when I remember their dead... Mon, 28 Apr 2008 19:32:00 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/44804/journal/1011502 Once again I find myself writing to myself. Alone. Oh so alone. I can't stand this isolation. I seem fine until I start to write and then the tears begin and my heart breaks into millions of pieces that had slowly reformed throughout the day. There is no escaping the fact that except for the ani... Sun, 27 Apr 2008 18:50:17 +0100