Keep a personal wellness journal on DailyStrength to track your health and communicate with friends. http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal Thu, 21 Aug 2008 03:34:42 +0100 DailyStrength RSS 0.11.3.0.6833 (FeedCreator 1.7.2) http://dailystrength.org/images/comprofiler/avatar/gallery/pinkflower.gif http://dailystrength.org/people/231604 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1182396 It has been a long time since I've been here. Just looked at my last entry and all I can say is WOW... I have come a long way. The desperation is gone and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I miss my husband and I still pray for him and for us but, I think I have a clari... Fri, 11 Jul 2008 17:00:10 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1059001 Well it's now Saturday. I've struggled since Wednesday night. I went to church and felt better. He called me late Thursday night. Telling me about his doubts about "her". Not as a person just the situation that they're in. Again doesn't want to give me any false hope but I ... Sat, 17 May 2008 12:38:48 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1051964 Monday and Tuesday were bad. I had lunch with stbx on Tuesday. She called twice. He didn't answer the first time, but a few minutes later she called again and I told him he could answer it. He left the room so I didn't have to hear but, of course, I heard the whole conversation. Nothing roma... Wed, 14 May 2008 17:01:45 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1044672 Went to a new church today. Feeling pretty good. Spent time with my sisters and my father after. I've decided that I am leaving this whole thing up to God now. At least that's my plan. I can't change my husband's heart. Only God can do that. So I'm leaving it up to Him. My prayer... Sun, 11 May 2008 17:22:55 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1042410 Thought I was doing fine. Got a call from my niece last night that they were going to the movies and did I want to join them. So I did. Went to see Ironman. But in the middle of the movie I get a somewhat frantic call from stbx because he had let "her" on to his computer to "check her... Sat, 10 May 2008 13:54:35 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1040759 So I haven't talked to him since Wednesday afternoon. However, I did text him Wednesday night that I missed my friend but that's it. Nothing after that. If you look back a couple of journals ago you would see that I was applauding myself for going 72 hours. Well I'm on my way back up tha... Fri, 09 May 2008 17:14:21 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1038268 Didn't speak to him for 5 days. Then I just had to call him to tell him about a procedure I was having done because he said he wanted to know. So I called him the night before and we talked for about 2 hours. "No false hope" but he says his relationship with "her" isn't a... Thu, 08 May 2008 17:00:56 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1033751 Don't have the strength to journal today. In so much pain and so sad right now. Tue, 06 May 2008 20:55:46 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1030726 I am at 72 hours of no contact. So far it hasn't gotten any better. I still feel hideously sad, alone, scared. I'm petrified of being alone. I keep hoping STILL that something will happen between them and he will call me. I know it's only been three days but considering what we went thro... Mon, 05 May 2008 17:10:27 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1028622 I couldn't journal yesterday because I spent most of the day in NY doing a walk for women's cancer. When I came home my family and I got together and had pizza and cake for my birthday. It was nice but all I could think about was him. None of them know what's going on so at least we didn... Sun, 04 May 2008 19:42:33 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1023856 I left my phone on last night. I know I said I wasn't going to but I did. He started texting me Happy birthday at 12:15am. He said to have fun tonight and please try to eat something. I texted him back that this wasn't fair and that I missed him. He said he thought my phone would be off and ... Fri, 02 May 2008 13:39:33 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1022316 Ok so I'm back. It's been a few hours and I've been home alone laying in my bed dozing and watching tv. I'm starting to get very lonely. So I came here to journal because I'd rather type than write. Like I said before, it hasn't been 24 hours and I want to call him. Tomorrow ... Thu, 01 May 2008 20:54:05 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1021898 I went to his house last night to cry my eyes out once again. I felt better. I told him before I left that he and I need to try the "no contact" rule. At least for 60 days. That's what I read in my book. 60 days. I've been counting minutes. If I can go 60 minutes at a time that wou... Thu, 01 May 2008 17:17:08 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1018989 I just feel like typing right now. I am in such unbelievable pain and anguish that I am not sure I will make it out of this. My mother passed away 2 years ago today. I need my husband, my best friend. I spoke to him last night and he said that there was a chance that "her" and him will be ... Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:07:02 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1017417 So she called him again today. Wants to know why it's all or nothing with him. Why can't him and her be friends? He was going to her house to figure out what is going on with her and he told me he would call me later. I'm finding it hard to breathe right now waiting for his call. I'm... Tue, 29 Apr 2008 22:56:33 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1015432 Went to stbx's house to watch hockey game last nite. Everything was fine. We are getting through this together. Trying to help each other. I'm not even kidding. Like 3 minutes before I was ready to leave "she" calls him. He was shocked. I was shocked. He didn't answer the phone... Tue, 29 Apr 2008 08:49:01 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1013429 Of course I went out to eat with him yesterday when he called and asked me. Of course we sat in his car and talked about "her" and what she was doing to him. Of course I went to bed last night worrying about him and HIS feelings instead of my own. I just talked to him again and he asked if... Mon, 28 Apr 2008 13:26:27 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1011150 Alright. My stbx has been inviting me over so we can help each other "get through this". I've already said he is not giving me any false hope. Well I guess he didn't have to because I had it all on my own. We were together yesterday until 4:30am this morning. We did good up until t... Sun, 27 Apr 2008 15:38:18 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1009119 I am sad today but not desperate. I have been spending time with my stbx because we are both very hurt by what has gone on in our relationship in the past year. Yes, he cheated. I am hurt over that. He is upset because she played him for a fool. What I want to make very clear is that he is NOT tryin... Sat, 26 Apr 2008 15:53:45 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/231604/journal/1006840 His girlfriend just told him she didn't think it would work out. He calls me and wants me to come over. He is crying. I don't understand it. He barely knew her. He's known me for 30 years. I can understand him being upset if he thinks his heart is broken but the crying all day thing I ju... Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:24:06 +0100