Keep a personal wellness journal on DailyStrength to track your health and communicate with friends. http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:51:40 +0100 DailyStrength RSS 0.11.3.0.6833 (FeedCreator 1.7.2) http://dailystrength.org/images/comprofiler/avatar/227750/1213246974.jpg http://dailystrength.org/people/227750 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1233610 I am back. I did something most think mighty stupid. I felt really low Monday evening. I took some pills, and then I called my best friend to make sure she would take care of Queenie. So after the cops, fire dept, and the paramedics were in my living room and I spent the evening at Riverside Co... Thu, 07 Aug 2008 23:02:58 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1214237 Has this ever happened? I fell asleep on the couch and I woke up with the most biazzare thing. Ya know how you can feel others in the room with you? I woke up to the feeling that mom was here.  But as if it were a time to get ready for something. I just felt her presence. I didn't see her, ... Mon, 28 Jul 2008 05:24:19 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1207477 Well, here I sit. I am been awake since 4.30. I don't sleep much. I am waiting for the stores and post office to open so I can get some stuff done. Oh hell I can't do this. Maybe I am a whiny, selfish bitch. Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:27:37 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1185898 John and I  used to do everything together. We made some really funny memories. We were going to run away from home. We packed a suitcase, mostly with toys. We walked to the corner where we stood. Our neighbors came down and asked us what we were doing, we said running away. So she asked us why... Sun, 13 Jul 2008 15:56:13 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1170495 I made it thru mom's birthday. But I found myself remembering our last New Year's together. It was New Years eve 99. We sat in the hospital and watched the ball drop in Tim Square. She was watching 2000 come in and 1999 out. I wanted this whole nightmare to be over. We sat there wondering ho... Sun, 06 Jul 2008 12:28:45 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1166931 Hey Mom,Here I am trying to get ready for something I would rather not do. Tomorrow is your birthday. Happy Happy day. Do you celebrate where you are? Might sound like a stupid question. As you know I am not 100% sure about the whole heaven/hell thing. You were the one who used to say hell is here o... Fri, 04 Jul 2008 11:08:41 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1150168 I remember the last time I saw John alive. I went to the nursing home to say goodbye. Oh my god did I really say goodbye? I was wheeled into the room. I slowly got up and stood beside John as he lay there unable to speak. Did he even know I was there. People, people everywhere, I couldn't even h... Thu, 26 Jun 2008 21:05:59 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1095971 Dear DadI am so pissed right now I cannot see striaight. When it came to Uncle Majed you were deaf, dumb and blind. And it was something his kids used after he died. You know what? John and I needed you too. But we knew we took a backseat to him, to his kids, even Aunt Maria. And now there is the wh... Tue, 03 Jun 2008 05:35:43 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1066218 when we are born are our lives already mapped out. Is it already determined what life has in store for you. The other day a friend and I were talking about death. I asked her if she would want to know when she was going to die. Her answer surprised me. She said yes, so she could do all the things sh... Tue, 20 May 2008 16:17:14 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1062438 I just sat thru E.T. and memories came flooding back. Pops lived in the house next door to the ET house. I remember pops and Shirley got to go to the premiere. And a teenage girl sat next to Pops and used his sleeve as a hankie. He did not understand why all of us women were crying like newborn babi... Mon, 19 May 2008 04:29:31 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1055752 Ok this may sound strange. I had a party for Queenie tonight. I got her 1 year ago. I bought her really expensive food, made cupcakes, even had candles. Monica and her family came over. I know it seems silly. She's a cat, no she is family. She is the only family I have now. I miss you guys ... Fri, 16 May 2008 01:06:19 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1049345 I am so glad Mothers day is over with. Now I have Fathers day to contend with. I went thru dads birthday, John's birthday, just had Mothers day and next Fathers day. I really hate having these reminders. I was in Walmart last Friday and everyone was shopping for their moms, sisters, daughters et... Tue, 13 May 2008 15:43:59 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1033650 wow, is this all there is of my life. I survived 19 months in the hospital to be the last of my family. Why did John, mom, and dad all have to give their lives to cancer. They all fought so bravely. Me? Not so much. There are so many times when I've been ready to give in, to make it all go away.... Tue, 06 May 2008 20:02:47 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1028748 Wow, a year has gone by. I moved in here a year ago. Dad I want you to see what I am growing in the backyard. Mom it would be so much fun for you, me and Monica to go shopping and out to eat. And spend the whole evening just talking. And John, what I wouldn't give to have you come thru my front ... Sun, 04 May 2008 20:43:02 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1024462 John, how could you leave things like you did. I was alone in TN and that did not bother "her". You know what a bitch she could be. You'd always make excuses for her, say I'm sorry. No, it was her. She had Kailey call me and say he and Jonathan were never to have anything to do wit... Fri, 02 May 2008 18:45:41 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/1024424 Pops, I wonder if you will ever know I will forever thank you for literally saving my life. You took charge when I got sick. Monica has told me about when the two of you would visit. She said you would hold my hand and tell me you two were there. You'd talk to me until you were ready to cry and ... Fri, 02 May 2008 18:29:34 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/227750/journal/984588 I am really pissed off. Both John and dad hid their illnesses from me. Everyone says they did it because they cared about me. One day I had a dad the next he wasn't waking up from brain surgery. And after dad died John downplayed his illness. And not being able to see him the last 3 months of hi... Wed, 16 Apr 2008 20:13:48 +0100