Keep a personal wellness journal on DailyStrength to track your health and communicate with friends. http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:50:08 +0100 DailyStrength RSS 0.11.3.0.6833 (FeedCreator 1.7.2) http://dailystrength.org/images/comprofiler/avatar/176560/1227416054.jpg http://dailystrength.org/people/176560 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/1396726 I'm certain of it now...I'm losing my mind. I've been rapid cycling forever now and I don't feel like I can hold on much longer. Any minute I think springs and gears are gonna come flying out of my head! It reached a point where 2 wks ago my pdoc was gonna hospitalize me for being su... Sat, 22 Nov 2008 22:41:22 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/1104876 I think I'm back. I know I kinda disappeared there for a while, but it was necessary. I was going thru a period of hallucinations, weird paranoia, losing my balance and falling down alot, even a week-long migraine that just ended. I had to withdraw and be alone for a while. Frankly, I didn't... Fri, 06 Jun 2008 20:11:32 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/1080027 Today (uhm, yesterday now...it's after midnight) was Memorial Day, and I think most of my DS friends had something good to do w/ family and friends. I didn't have anything particular planned, but I wasn't gonna be outdone. I just stayed home and hallucinated today. It was only a couple o... Tue, 27 May 2008 00:32:26 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/1071383 Thank goodness I took people's advice about plugging away at my problems, one at a time. It's been slow going, but things are looking better. (Even if all I did today was work really hard at a long nap...) I called a friend of mine, Walter, whom I've known forever and he's alway... Thu, 22 May 2008 18:18:03 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/1064683 I felt better today (well, I guess it's yesterday now...it's after midnight), and I didn't sleep too much either. I think it's because I had a plan of sorts. The day before I had started a post asking for advice how to handle getting things done when i was down and wanted to stay und... Tue, 20 May 2008 01:04:31 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/1061268 I noticed in my last journal entry that I had insomnia. Now I'm sleeping too much. Even several naps a day. I just keep crawling in the bed. I don't want to eat or do anything else for that matter. I'm just blah. I was hypomanic (w/mixed states) a while back, so I should have seen this c... Sun, 18 May 2008 16:15:27 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/1054269 Just an update on Harley. I took him to the vet this morning, and they re-evaluated him. They gave me a bunch more medicine to give him and some special high calorie food.  Looks like I'm gonna have to force feed him thru a syringe. Liquids too (Gatorade for the electrolytes). They've l... Thu, 15 May 2008 13:39:29 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/1049679 Went to see Harley today. Vet said he had a bad night. She said the "third eyelid" covered both eyes yesterday evening...that only happens if puppies are really sick. Then his electrolytes dropped. So they doubled his intraveinious meds. Today he was much better. The third eyelid was almos... Tue, 13 May 2008 18:26:07 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/1047842 Today was a bittersweet kind of day...a little good, a little not so good. Over the weekend my basset puppy, Harley was diagnosed w/ parvo. He was given subcutaneous antibiotics, etc and then I took him to the vet this a.m. They hospitalized him and started him on intravenious medications. They said... Mon, 12 May 2008 23:17:25 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/1029047 First of all I've got to say how grateful I am to my friends who have been there for me thru words or encouragement and prayer for the past couple of weeks. I probably would have lost my mind if I had thought I was going thru all of this medical mess alone. Thank you, thank you.  Well, it l... Sun, 04 May 2008 22:57:06 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/1008154 Several of my friends here at DS have known for about a wk that something has been weighing heavily on my mind, but I couldn't quite talk about it just then. Now it's time for me to get it out because it's starting to take a toll on me...my insomnia is getting worse, I'm hallucinatin... Sat, 26 Apr 2008 04:59:41 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/990320 Yep, I'm sure of it now. I'm gonna die. Seems I have the Martian Death Flu. My daughter says it's just the regular flu, but ehhhhh, what does she know. I've run a fever off and on for 4 days now. Tried to drink a cup of coffee yesterday, but I was too nauseous...that alone makes life... Fri, 18 Apr 2008 23:47:06 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/976115 Oh, man, do I feel guilty. I've been away from DS for uhm, a week...a week and a half...something like that. I don't even know if anyone noticed, but I feel awful because I try to contact my friends on a regular basis. Sometimes I'll try to say something to make 'em smile, sometimes ... Sun, 13 Apr 2008 17:45:48 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/932874 Well, I had a pretty good Easter, everything considered.  We had a cook out at Aubrey's house with family and friends. There was tons of food, lots of laughter, kids hunting eggs, music, what you'd expect. I really enjoyed myself, which is unusual since I don't like crowds.  Bu... Fri, 28 Mar 2008 00:57:07 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/909568 Today was just another day like all the rest...endless nothing. Every day is just like the last. The ache inside is like a bottomless pit eating all that is me. I cried all morning long. I finally called Aubrey (my daughter) and boo-hoo'd my heart out. Thank goodness she understands bp and has s... Tue, 18 Mar 2008 22:19:33 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/906883 I don't know how much longer I can go on. Actually I don't know how much longer I want to go on. Whatever usefulness I served in this life is long gone. My daughter is grown now with a family of her own, she doesn't need me anymore. My job was to prepare her for life and I've done th... Mon, 17 Mar 2008 22:10:07 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/894151 Today was my monthly visit to the pdoc and it came just in time.  I actually got a couple of night's sleep where I slept about 6 hrs straight thru, then yesterday I felt like I was "speeding" again. It was that weird, funky feeling like there's electricity running just underne... Wed, 12 Mar 2008 18:10:45 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/889175 My family has been there for me since I was diagnosed. There were those of them that understood bp, there were those who TRIED to understand, then there were those who pretended to understand. But at least they all listened when I needed to talk. Sometimes it led to me being put in a psychiatric war... Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:30:33 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/885972 Last night as I lay waiting for sleep to come, a memory came back to me of being in my teens.  I had always known that there was something "different" about me, but I wasn't sure what it was, so I just pushed it out of my mind. But when I was 16, something small but significant (a... Sun, 09 Mar 2008 18:34:11 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/176560/journal/871360 Well, the depression has had me couped up in the house for some time now, but the weather has been like spring time lately. (I swear a couple of my neighbors have azalea bushes blooming.) So today I took a drive out to my daughter's house for a visit.  Got to see the grands too. It was so u... Mon, 03 Mar 2008 23:35:48 +0100