Keep a personal wellness journal on DailyStrength to track your health and communicate with friends. http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:52:30 +0100 DailyStrength RSS 0.11.3.0.6833 (FeedCreator 1.7.2) http://dailystrength.org/images/comprofiler/avatar/168517/1213247558.jpg http://dailystrength.org/people/168517 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/1191253 It's been quite a while since my last entry, and for great reason. I just started college a few weeks ago and have been rather busy. Things haven't been horrible, in fact I'm happier than I've been since I was 16. I still have many suicidal thoughts, but not as frequent. I'll be ... Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:28:00 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/1100622 It's been awhile since I've last written and I must say I'm happier than I've been in a long time. It's been many years since I've felt this light. I bought a new car 3 days ago...A Ford Mustang Convertible...it's beautiful. I've slowly learned to put my past where it... Thu, 05 Jun 2008 00:20:11 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/1059989 Sat, 17 May 2008 23:15:37 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/1009958 Well, it appears that after months of planning and preparation that I am no longer going to Afghanistan due to the Navy finding out about my psychological problems. My commander has deemed me unfit for combat... I really wanted to go too. Oh, well, fuck it. War is hell anyway, been there, done that.... Sat, 26 Apr 2008 23:43:06 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/983899 I did something really stupid that I don't think I'll ever live down. I met a girl online and we had been talking for 3 months. We hadfinally made plans to meet in Hollywood and I had got us a hotel to stay in. I was supposed to pick her up at the airport and take her to our room, but she ne... Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:18:25 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/948569 Today I've started seeing my new therapist. Yup...that's right...I'm back in therapy. I tried to avoid this I really did. I thought I could go without it, but I was wrong.I just wanted to see if I could deal with my problems by myself, but I couldn't. I think of therapy as a form of ... Thu, 03 Apr 2008 02:03:05 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/892145 I'm not even dead yet and yet it's starting to become very apparent to me that I'm someone that noone has a problem forgetting. Ever since my parents died noone has really given a damn about my existence. I was adopted by my older sister, but her love always felt so fake and scripted, li... Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:19:32 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/868699 Well, this is it. It's official and the date is set. I'll be leaving for Afghanistan on April 27th. Am I afraid...? Not really. After all I do have suicidal thoughts. If I died in that fucking country who the fuck would care? Noone would even shed a tear. I'm not saying I want to get kil... Mon, 03 Mar 2008 01:25:33 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/859655 I am the sun and the air   All the shyness that is criminally vulgar, I am the sun and the air Of nothing in particular You shut your mouth! How can you say I go about things the wrong way. I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does I am the sun and the air All the sh... Thu, 28 Feb 2008 11:32:03 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/855651 Tue, 26 Feb 2008 23:17:13 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/836791 Today was actually a pretty good day. I got a new tattoo and I'm pretty happy with that. Also, something really weird happened to me...I was approached by a transvestite prostitute, except I didn't know "he" was really a guy dressed as a female. He looked like a fucking female too.... Wed, 20 Feb 2008 00:57:57 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/823514 Naive, so fucking naive. I need to stop living like this. I need to stop being the innocent one and believing that the goodness in this world truly outweighs the bad. It's as if I'm trying to shield myself from the truth. Deceitful women whores (not all women, but definitely some), fake frie... Thu, 14 Feb 2008 22:00:12 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/805957 Fuckin' Friday    I hope everyone has a good day today I hope a good rest washed all the pain away Everyone should really have a happy smile on their face Cheer up Cuz it's a motha fuckin' Friday But it just so happens it's a shitty ass day Watchin' every happy per... Fri, 08 Feb 2008 12:42:30 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/799026 This world is a seriously fucked up place. I mean how can anyone stand it? Child molestors, murderers, gangbangers, terrorists, organized crime...The list goes on and on, but tell me what the fuck are we gonna do about it? What can we do about it? Well listen up my brothers and sisters cuz I think I... Tue, 05 Feb 2008 22:33:48 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/774354  I'm 21 years old. Like most people my age it wasn't so long ago that I was in school. 21 years ago I was just a child. Things weren't always good for me, but things weren't always bad. Back then I had a great love for life, suicide didn't even cross my mind at 13 years of a... Mon, 28 Jan 2008 01:06:24 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/771724 A few months ago I  fell in love with a girl I worked with. I had never felt this strongly about someone in my whole life. I wanted to give her everything. It had always felt good to hold her in my arms and I told her I wanted to be there for her, but she ended up breaking my heart when she fuc... Sun, 27 Jan 2008 01:02:30 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/763939 Tonight I posted a thread about my murder fantasies to see if anyone else out there could relate to what was going on with me. I just wanted to know if anyone else had the same thoughts as me, but instead I ended up scaring some people, and even worse people started joking about it and not taking it... Thu, 24 Jan 2008 02:47:35 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/763330 I can feel it coming in the air tonight Hold onAnd I've been waiting for this moment for all my lifeHold on, Hold onWhen you told me you were drowning I would not lend a handI've seen your face before my friend, but I don't know if you know who I amWell I was there and I saw what you did... Wed, 23 Jan 2008 21:18:38 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/754432 Why do people think that just cuz I'm black I'm supposed to act like an idiot? I don't like to use the "N" word, I don't pretend to be a gangster, I like rap music, but I like other kinds of music as well, and I don't sag my pants and have them hanging off my ... Sun, 20 Jan 2008 22:22:56 +0100 http://dailystrength.org/people/168517/journal/741371 There's a place you would like to go you could meet somebody who really loves you So you go and you stand on your own and you leave on your ownand you go home and you cry and you want to dieWhen you say it's gonna be right nowwhat exactly do you meansee I've already waited to long You sh... Tue, 15 Jan 2008 23:38:15 +0100