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		<title>Physical &amp; Emotional Abuse Forum: What to do re his games ? - DailyStrength</title>
		<description>I have a long term issue with my husband of 25 years in that he is not a team player and is not into discussions. Trying to get him to talk ...</description>
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			<title>Comment by Susan151</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[I would see a lawyer.  I am living in Canada right now, and so the laws might be different, but with respect to his pension, at least in Canada, you are entitled to half for all the years you were/are with him. If you have a house, you are entitled to half the profits even if nothing is in your name...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Wed, 14 May 2008 10:34:13 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by bfox999</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[HI 
  
 Susan is right, dont sit around and wait for him to make a move. Try and get soem control over your life now anf in the future and make some moves that are going to offer you some security. 
  
 It seems a little strange to me that this is an issue that is being discussed by his family, so obvio...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Wed, 14 May 2008 11:26:21 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by Susan151</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Yes, I like Brian's idea about an emergency fund.  If you can find a way to put one together, he won't be able to take control and make you worry about how you're going to make ends meet. Also, I had an after thought, as he is overseas a lot, it might be even more important to determine your rights ...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Wed, 14 May 2008 11:48:06 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by Choam2008</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[I agree with Susan and Bfox:-) 
  
 I live in Canada too(thankfully).  
  
 In my relationship it took eight years of being together before I would agree to a joint account with my husband. That said,I also have a private bank account that only I have access too. I'm already pumping money into that acco...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Wed, 14 May 2008 12:09:14 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by Choam2008</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[I agree with Susan and Bfox:-) 
  
 I live in Canada too(thankfully).  
  
 In my relationship it took eight years of being together before I would agree to a joint account with my husband. That said,I also have a private bank account that only I have access too. I'm already pumping money into that acco...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Wed, 14 May 2008 12:10:02 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Thank you for replying, Susan151, bfox999, and  Choam2008. 
  
 I didn't see your posts, Susan. I've only been on DS a bit lately. You're doing well with a tough situation. I wish I was too. 
  
 I started to reply to this earlier but it got way too long so I put the bulk of it as a journal entry on my ...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Wed, 14 May 2008 22:26:24 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by melanie25</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Rosem, I am sorry about your situation.  I am touched that you are willing to help others in the midst of your pain.  God bless you, and know that you are a special woman.]]></description>
			<pubDate>Wed, 14 May 2008 22:56:29 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by Susan151</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Do you have legal aid where you are?  In Alberta, We have the Legal Aid Society of Alberta.  A local womens shelter told me about it.  You could try phoning a local shelter in your area.  They might be able to refer you to a similar organization or they might know of some lawyers that do work for a ...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 01:14:01 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Thanks melanie. 
  
 My religious beliefs say we should give, and that we should especially when we are in pain and need.]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 06:26:09 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Thanks Susan. 
  
 Yes, I checked out the legal aid route. It wasn't available for this when I checked  but I suppose I should recheck as it has been a couple of years. 
  
 My father (now dead) gave me money for a visit to a lawyer a few years ago. It didn't help at all, but I have got basic informatio...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 06:35:47 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by queenvalerie</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Since I am not an Australian lawyer my advice may be a bit simplistic and inappropriate to your situation but here goes anyway. 
  
 Try and contact a local DV shelter in your area.   Usually there are free legal services available to women in abusive situations like yours.  And you need to do this no...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 08:47:34 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by Susan151</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[You sound so disheartened. I think, from <a href="http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Reading" onclick="treatmentHotLink('http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Reading')" class="treatmentlink" title="Learn more about Reading">reading</a> other posts that you have a belief in God.  All I can say is that when things have seemed at their absolute worst for me in the past (ie no food, no money for bills, or a lawyer), and it seemed like I had no options, God always stepped in with divine ...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 08:49:35 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Hi Susan. Yes I have a deep belief in God. But God does not necessarily do anything but strip our banches of every leaf and then blast us to death with lightning. So I have no reassuring answer for you except that I feel sure God remains with us and that that connection counts. Somehow each of us ha...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 09:11:07 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Dear old buddy queenvalerie, I was glad to see your reply on my hopeless little topic. 
  
 Ok, there is a DV phone line here. The location of the shelters are unknown. I shall ring them, hopefully tomorrow. 
  
 There is also a DV support centre I had something to do with previously. I shall ring them ...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 09:34:56 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by queenvalerie</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[OK, this response is coming from a very blunt person so please keep that in mind and if I offend anyone I am sincerely sorry.  This is strictly my personal opinion and nothing else. 
  
 God helps those that help themselves.  He may give us strength for the journey, but he is not someone who just blin...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 09:40:56 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by queenvalerie</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Rosie if what you need is validation, here it is in spades.  This man is a psyhcopathic son of a bitch who is trying his damnedest to make sure is leaves you with absolutely nothing to show for many years of marriage and sacrifice on your part.  And the fact that his family is acting as accomplices ...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 09:55:00 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by queenvalerie</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Maybe a bit overstated...that was not a command, merely a recomendation.  ok?]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 09:56:01 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Yes, I know God isn't Santa Claus or the wish fairy. And pretty bad things happen to good people. I so know that. So yes, you are basically preaching to the choir re myself. I do believe God can siddenly go "Zap !" and great things happen, but that is totally beyond our control as I see it. So we ne...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 09:56:48 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by nightstar</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[OH BOY you need to act now and fast.GO GO GO an don't stop till you have your half.I mean it .If he is not there he cannot hurt you but he can <a href="http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Leave" onclick="treatmentHotLink('http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Leave')" class="treatmentlink" title="Learn more about Leave">leave</a> you a pauper..Go to a lawyer ask for help.Take friends for moral support and also to remember things you don't .Write everything you have or now of dow...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 10:01:37 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Thank you buddy, queenvalerie. No, I needed it like that, how you said it. I'm in a bad way but part of me is ok; you are helping the ok part hang on. It has been a long journey through hell and I'm pretty clapped out but not totally. 
  
 I respond to validation I know is correct. I just need to hear...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 10:16:33 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Actually, nightstar, I may take that as an affirmation; I think it may help: He has taken enough of my life; no more. Thank you very much.]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 10:37:57 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Eight hours later and I'm up and at a new day - well, starting off at it anyway. I took that affirmation to bed - "He has taken enough of my life." It was a helpful thought. Yes, enough already.]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 19:06:43 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by Susan151</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[I agree with you, queenvalerie.  You’re right I did take care of my daughter and myself.  I do, however, believe He opened my eyes to opportunity/put people in my path, etc. But, no, he certainly didn’t do it for me or deliver anything by FedEx. 
  
 If it helps you RoseM, I did take action, lots ...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Thu, 15 May 2008 19:49:36 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Hi Susan. Yep, I'm praying. I <a href="http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Faith" onclick="treatmentHotLink('http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Faith')" class="treatmentlink" title="Learn more about Hope">hope</a> I get help. I'll try to see where it is. Maybe I'll get nice daisies to smell as I'm sitting destitute in the gutter with an armfull of bags and my <a href="http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Pets" onclick="treatmentHotLink('http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Pets')" class="treatmentlink" title="Learn more about Pets">pets</a> dead.]]></description>
			<pubDate>Fri, 16 May 2008 03:54:50 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by queenvalerie</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Rosie, honey, stop it.  Just stop it. No one is sitting in the gutter.  There is time between now and then to make sure that this sad scenerio is not the one that plays out for you.  Here is a brand new day and you have lots of planning to do.  Stop borrowing trouble, and start getting motivated on ...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Fri, 16 May 2008 07:21:21 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Trouble is, queenvalerie, that I am essentially a realist and in touch. 
  
 Things aren't shaping up too well for me.  
  
 People here can't get housing. Even families with kids are living in cars and bathing in parks. People are living under bridges and squatting in derelict houses. It really can jus...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Fri, 16 May 2008 07:40:49 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by queenvalerie</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[OK, thats better than magical thinking.  Reality bites, but that doesn't change it.  You have more planning and legwork to do than most, but its still doable.  And you are capable of it.  You are an intelligent, wise woman.  You can do this.  No it won't be easy and it is unlikely that it will be ea...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Fri, 16 May 2008 08:25:13 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[I <a href="http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Faith" onclick="treatmentHotLink('http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Faith')" class="treatmentlink" title="Learn more about Hope">hope</a> you are right, oh queenly friend of mine.  
  
 I am still trying. I was too flat out today to do the ringing I planned but I shall try to do it on Monday. And maybe I can get a few plastic pocket folders tomorrow and start filling it with relevant info. 
  
 Thanks for the support. It does help....]]></description>
			<pubDate>Fri, 16 May 2008 08:37:30 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by queenvalerie</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[I was thinking....why don't YOU file for <a href="http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Divorce" onclick="treatmentHotLink('http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Divorce')" class="treatmentlink" title="Learn more about Divorce">divorce</a> instead of waiting for him to do it?  Do it right before he can lay his hands on that retirement money.  A <a href="http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Divorce" onclick="treatmentHotLink('http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Divorce')" class="treatmentlink" title="Learn more about Divorce">divorce</a> suit will freeze his assets.  I even looked this up on an Australian Law Help website so at least that much is correct.  He can't legall...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Fri, 16 May 2008 09:40:32 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Yes, I have this idea "out there". It will reach some goals, as you said, such as making sure I don't lose everything. And I understand that the odds are I will probably get half in a court though there are no guarantees.  
  
 What bothers me is that I have no money to speak of. What I have is coming...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Fri, 16 May 2008 10:23:48 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosebud11</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Hi Rosie,  
  
 Just jumping in her to say that you are smarter than he is.  Now, even though men have abused us, they are the irrational ones, so be a step ahead. 
  
 You can locate all the assets for a small fee on<a href="http://idetective.com" title="http://idetective.com" target="_blank"> idetective.com</a> if you don't already have access to them. 
 it makes me feel creepy that...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Fri, 16 May 2008 11:45:11 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by Susan151</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Hi RoseM.  I'd just like to comment further on Post 29.  It is the same, here in Canada, once you file for <a href="http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Divorce" onclick="treatmentHotLink('http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Divorce')" class="treatmentlink" title="Learn more about Divorce">divorce</a>, all assets are frozen.  I am not sure where you are but it is very likely the same. 
  
 Queenvalerie has given you some brilliant information.  It may seem overwhelming, so much so it m...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Fri, 16 May 2008 12:41:51 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Thanks Susan, rosebud11 and anyone I've missed. 
  
 I am in Australia. It is 9.30 pm here, Saturday. 
  
 Today I went to the newsagent and bought 4 bright plastic pocket folders for the papers I can take or copy. 
  
 And I will start an <a href="http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Physical_Exercise" onclick="treatmentHotLink('http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Physical_Exercise')" class="treatmentlink" title="Learn more about Exercise">exercise</a> just for my list of things to do. Great idea and then I w...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Sat, 17 May 2008 07:41:40 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosebud11</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Well, this hurts exponentially, but any partner that would answer that way is considering his own options only. 
 Great news about finding the new retirement papers. Now doesn't this give you a boost?  The guy is padding his own account, but it's 50% yours, so let him do it.]]></description>
			<pubDate>Sat, 17 May 2008 09:40:18 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by revpatty</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Rosie, no it is not nice nor is it normal. I regret having been "offline" for a good part of this <a href="http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Talking" onclick="treatmentHotLink('http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Talking')" class="treatmentlink" title="Learn more about Discussion">discussion</a>, but I really like what others have had to say. Whether or not their suggestions would pertain to your specific situation, I <a href="http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Faith" onclick="treatmentHotLink('http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Faith')" class="treatmentlink" title="Learn more about Hope">hope</a> that you are getting the sense that there is an entire commun...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Sat, 17 May 2008 09:44:36 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Thanks rosebud11 and revpatty. Thanks for standing by me and that goes for everyone else too. 
  
 Thanks for those words rosebud - "he is considering himself only". Funny how that helps. And it is so typical and true of him. Even when he blames me for something, it is because he is thinking of himsel...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Sat, 17 May 2008 11:51:29 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by Val_Mc</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Hugs to you,Rose.The whole prospect of this situation seems pretty daunting,but at least if he isn't there,he isn't in your face,and that is a blessing.I wish that I knew more about Canadian laws.I'm completely at a loss on that.I wish you luck on finding the resources that you need to take care of ...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Sun, 18 May 2008 03:18:26 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Thanks for your lovely post Val. It brought tears to my eyes. 
  
 Oh, I'm in Australia. 
  
 It is nice without his being here. So peaceful. And my som and I are eating well as I get a chance to shop and cook. 
  
 And I got another short email from my husband. He said "What new superannuation (retiremen...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Sun, 18 May 2008 10:11:36 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by queenvalerie</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[You make of that what you will.  Clearly it is more of the same.  His avoidance of answering your questions is sad, but it is also very telling.  He knows exactly what he is doing.  He is setting you up.  This response is no different than "what do you think my future plans are?"  He is creating an ...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Sun, 18 May 2008 10:18:18 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Thanks buddy queenly one.  
  
 And I appreciated that so much I printed it out to pin up. Because his way of <a href="http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Talking" onclick="treatmentHotLink('http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Talking')" class="treatmentlink" title="Learn more about Talking">talking</a> DOES get me off-center. I was out raking our autumn leaves today and feeding the lone chook (chicken) and her mate the bush turkey (he? has just learned to make a funny noise) and as i...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Sun, 18 May 2008 10:29:39 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by queenvalerie</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[The trick to that is to have both barrels loaded in the first place.  That means hard work in advance of firing.  OK, enough of the gun anologies. 
  
 This is not a nice man.  He does not have your best interest at heart.  In fact he isn't interested in you at all.  You are his way to have kids and k...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Sun, 18 May 2008 11:10:27 +0100</pubDate>
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			<title>Comment by rosem1111</title>
			<link>http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/3350234-do-re-his/lastpage</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Good morning queenvalerie and my friends. Thank you very much. It is good to start my day with your kind words. I feel old and so sad but I plan to try to achieve well enough today. well enough is good enough. 
  
 I plan to load up on whatever helps today (Monday) when I can fit it in. Shall aim for ...]]></description>
			<pubDate>Sun, 18 May 2008 18:40:17 +0100</pubDate>
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