Widows & Widowers Support Group

Everything that you are feeling is normal. It's ONLY 14 months...that's to soon to expect yourself to be healed. Keep talking about your pain and share your emotions with others..it is a great help. When my husband died 14 years ago I was 35..I didnt know anyone who was going through what I was..I had no computer to go on a site like this one where everyone is bonded by there experience of death. It ate away at me until 2 years later when I was talking to my neibhor and she informed me that her present husband whas not her first and that the father of her daughter wa killed in a fire when her daughter was 3 months old. She became my therapy and we would talk for hours and she really understood. It helped me so much and I really believe that was when I began to heal. We are here for you and we all want to help you. Understand that what you are feeling is normal and that at some point you will begin to feel better...don't misundertand me when I tell you you this because you will always miss him and you will always love him deeply..what will happen down the road of healing is you will accept that he is gone and you will find a way to move ahead with out him...that is not what you can not do at this time because the wound is still wide open. Let it heal and whatever it is that makes you feel better do it...go to grieving groups...come to us everyday..write to him in a journal about your day..whatever it is...stay with us and we will help you..so many of the wonderful people here are exactly where you are. I have along time under my belt..14 years, a new life..a new fiance and a drive to live whatever life I have left. I was where you were and I can make one promise to you from my own experience is...It will get better in time. Lots of hugs and prayers for you

Hi ~ Please believe what the first poster said. My husband died 7 years ago, and I PROMISE you it WILL GET BETTER ~ and it won't take 7 years! LOL

You're still early in 'recovery.' You're still grieving, and the pain is still very much a part of your day. But SOON it should begin to lessen ~ and each day it should abate a little more and a little more. You MUST try to keep busy tho, and do your part in trying to get thru this difficult time. It doesn't matter what you do to keep busy ~ just so it's something. Have you tried perhaps a grief support group? That would be IDEAL for you ~ you could meet face-to-face people who are going thru this same thing, and perhaps find someone you could call when it gets really bad.

Just remember that this is temporary, and what you're going thru is normal. It WILL get better with a bit of time. But please ~ if you feel you're not getting better like you think you should be, please seek help. A grief counselor would be who to see ~ I talked to one, and it worked wonders. God bless you and please take care of YOU. You are IMPORTANT to this world. Hugs, Lee

It makes me feel sad that you hate life. How do youthink your partner would want you to live. Do you think he would want you to be bitter and hateful toward life? If it was turned around how do you think you would want him to live? I know it is hard and painful but,hate takes up more energy than its worth. We could all ask why it happened to us. There is no straight forward clear cut reasons why life gets shitty sometimes. I think sometimes its a test to see how we handle this stuff. Try to smile and find happiness in one thing everyday you wake up.

You have received some very good advice from the previous posts. I find it very therapeutic to talk to others about my husband and how I am feeling. I can usually talk myself out of any bad mood I may be in. For me, just thinking about all the good things Alex taught me that has made me the person I am today always makes me feel good. Without him, I wouldn't be the person I am now and I am thankful for that everyday. It may sound weird but he invested too much time and effort for me to waste that and not continue on in life. He always made sure I was happy and would want that now. I'm sure your partner would want the same for you so you have to find the strength and courage to continue - as painful as that might be.

Hang in there my friend, we are here for you. Lots of hugs coming your way.

Thank you so much all of you for your very helpful and perceptive observations about the grieving process. The best help is when it is from others who are or have gone through the same pain.

I have been to four bereavement groups and had individual counceling. I found the former much more helpful and I do keep in touch with a few members from previous groups.

Yes, the best remedy is to keep talking and walking as much as I can. It helps beat the overwhelming feelings of helpless and hopelessness that come with death.

I have had ongoing spiritual visits from him, mostly at night, and it has helped me to know that I will be with him again someday. Of course, it is not the same as his physical presence. That is the most difficult part of all, dealing with his ongoing absence. It was a sudden loss, so that has made it so very hard.